hookup culture, Men, sex, The Cross, Uncategorized, Women

The Ties that Bind…

Rejection. Fear. Insecurity. Judgement. Inner Vows. Soul Ties. Shame. Identity. Sex. Freedom.

Please allow me to take you on a bit of a personal journey with me. I have just about always been a Christian but I became a Christ follower six years ago. You can scroll back in this blog and read for yourself the different landmarks of my journey from fornicating-party girl to celibate-small group leading-church girl. I have some links set up to help fill you in as I explain some things I have recently learned. After going through yet another transformative conference at a local church, (the same one I mention in a Lonely Girl’s Cry) more things have stood out to me.

First, it has been a quest to break a particular soul tie in my life. It started 10 years ago with a sinful situationship (The Purge). Although I’ve been healed since then and been celibate for five and a half years, there’s always been a pining in my heart for that person. Despite logic. Regardless of the prayers I have prayed for and against the desire. It’s been a secret to most. While recently watching The Heart of Man, as per the assignment in the online Journey into The Heart of Man curriculum, something one of the storytellers said was like a clue left for me to find. The person defined infatuation as: a projection of a fantasy onto another person. This is not how I have defined infatuation. This definition opened my eyes to see that is what I have done. My fantasy is what has kept me in the pursuit. The pastor teaching on soul ties explained we stay tied to a person through the physical, soul or spirit. The definition of soul (mind, will and emotions) was jumping off the page screaming for me to find yet another clue. I kept repeating mind, will, emotions, mind, will, emotions… will, will, will. The Holy Spirit allowed me to see that I kept myself attached to that person because I have put my will over God’s will. My mind and emotions have not been attached to that person in years but my will is what has remained attached. I see it so clearly now that I have willed this attachment into existence. Even to the point of making an inner vow and actually to God, “the only way I will stop wanting him is if he gets married or gets someone pregnant.” Now if this isn’t a bold declaration of my will to Yahweh, I don’t know what is. This is me telling God I will do my will first, then I will consider Yours. Sadly, I have yet to repent of this disobedience since coming to the realization. This is the first time I’m realizing what a terrible mistake I have made. I knew I was making an idol of that person and could tell you that I’ve apologized to God for thinking of that person more than HIM. But not only did I make that person an idol but obviously now I see I made an idol of myself. When we place our will above God’s will, we are making gods of ourselves. I for sure will be repenting of this.

Second, in Its Different for Girls, I wrote, “In front of him I was sand through his fingers. I wanted him to give me form.” During the session on Identity, this quote came to mind. I wanted him to give me form. That is very telling of the condition my heart used to be in. I could see that at one time I had been seeking significance through him. That is why I took the rejections so harshly. I used to imagine when you go to the produce section at the grocery store and you start picking up fruit. I felt like the apple that gets picked up for a couple of seconds but after a brief examination, its deemed unworthy to be purchased and taken home. Just a nobody apple. Nothing special. A faceless forgettable nobody. When we seek our identity in something other than Christ that is what we are led to see, a faceless forgettable nobody. There is nothing life giving outside of God’s will. Outside of God’s will there is no hope only despair.

Third, it stood out to me very clearly that I had held a judgement against that person. Throughout the conference we were given the task to keep track of anything (sins, memories, etc) we wanted to lay at the Cross on a blank paper in the workbook. After the session on Judgements, I wrote on the blank page, “Judgement- [man’s name]- is a selfish jerk.” Throughout that session the Holy Spirit was leading me to this truth: you only saw him as a selfish-jerk, through the lens of your rejection and insecurity, he was just another person living his life. Now I could recount all the details, replay conversations and words spoken, actions done which would lead you to determine that Yes, he was a selfish-jerk and poor me. However, within the massive context of my whole life and his whole life, we were people that collided and bruised one another, because we are broken humans. I projected my fear, insecurity and rejection onto him and it was a very real feeling to me. Every text ignored, every sexual encounter left open like a gaping wound in my heart left me with extreme feelings and racing thoughts. What I experienced was real but it was not the Truth of who I was, who he was or of what was taking place. I’m sure he is a good man. He most likely has a good heart, something I couldn’t see simply because all I could see was someone rejecting me and simply because he never showed it to me. I often tell women on my caseload that “most people, most of the time do not have ill intentions,” it us that perceive things differently than what may be actually happening. I want to emphasize that we must examine our hearts constantly to make sure we are seeing people for who God says they are, not who we tally them up to be.

Here’s where it gets interesting, before I attended this conference, I had a dream on October 21st. I woke up feeling strange. As my mind was warming up for the day, the pieces of my dream were coming together. I had dreamed that that person died. In my dream, I had read it in a newspaper article. I was trying to confirm it by finding a local newspaper article or asking people. When I woke up I went online to research what a death in a dream could mean. Some sites talked about transformation, re-birth, new life changes. I stopped there. I felt that God was speaking to me to say that the situation was dead and to leave at that. God was ending it for me. Since having this dream and discovering all these missing pieces, I know that it truly is up to me to lay my will aside. When I’m tempted to use my will to tie a shoestring back onto that person, it will be my conscious choice to do so or not.

God gave us free will to choose. He never said you’ll get to choose between two easy things. I’m finding out that our choices are usually between the deepest pit or the tallest mountain. Both look frightening. We often chase our temptations with vigor but pursue freedom as if we have already lost. We do a lack luster trot instead of a full run as if our life depends on reaching the finish line. I’m no runner, my goal for a 5k is to finish is under an hour. I have to change. We are a new creation in Christ. There should be nothing that resembles my old life, not even my inner life.

Lastly, it’s easy for some Christians to get freedom in some areas of their life but still remain shackled in other areas. I’m not one of those Christians, or at the very least, I maintain a firm hope that I will take as much freedom that God will allow. I believe Freedom isn’t given, it’s taken. It’s not given by those that hurt or oppress us. It’s taken from Alpha and Omega. Just like Grace is a free gift from the God that loves us, so is Freedom. Just as we exchange ashes for beauty, we can exchange bondage for freedom. You may find my statement freedom isn’t given, its taken…freedom is a free gift (which is implied a gift is given) as contradictory. I don’t see it as a contradiction. When you look at oppressed people throughout history or now, so often the oppressed outnumber the oppressors. Quite often those in bondage are shackled by nonphysical chains, but shackled by mental and emotional chains. Spiritual, financial are some others.

“As a man was passing the elephants, he suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at any time, break away from their bonds but for some reason, they did not.

He saw a trainer nearby and asked why these animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away. “Well,” trainer said, “when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it’s enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.

The man was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn’t, they were stuck right where they were.”

The elephant in the story thinks his freedom depends on those that tie the ropes but if the elephant knew that it was an Elephant with tree trunks for legs, it would exert just enough strength to pull that rope off of the spike.
If you knew that you were a Child of God, you could exert enough strength and praise to pull the shackles off the enemy’s vine.

The very last activity of the conference is a prayer tunnel, the pastors and leaders anoint you with oil and pray over you as you walk through with your eyes closed. You most often don’t remember everything that was said nor does anyone praying over you actually know what is going on in your inner life. However, the first thing that was said over me was straight from Heaven. A pastor said “bring freedom others.” As this was spoken to me, I immediately united with God to take this as the other part of my calling. (Read more in Be Brave). I’m called to free the captives and fortify the weak.

________________________________________________________________________________________

Must Watch: The Heart of Man film- https://heartofmanmovie.com/

My current reading: Unwanted by Jay Stringer- http://jay-stringer.com/

Worship: New Wine- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbJaM_EneMw&list=RDQbJaM_EneMw&start_radio=1

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Gender Issues, Men, Quick Read, sex, Women

Images of Imtimacy

***The following is an article I just found!***

Images of Intimacy by Josh Glasser

March 22, 2018

https://regenerationministries.org/images-of-intimacy/

 

adam-and-eve

“If you struggle with lust, consider this for a moment: Can you explain why you are drawn to the form of a woman or the form of a man?

Beyond the specifics of what part of the body titillates you sexually, have you ever considered why it titillates you? Why does your body stir at the sight of another’s body? Is it a learned response because your body knows the pleasure that awaits if you engage in sexual activity? Maybe, but it did not begin that way.

At the core, the bodily stirring, the feeling of being drawn, the romantic and sexual desire, all these happen because sex is relational.

In other words, the core reason you’re drawn is because you’re longing for intimacy.

In pornography and other forms of sexual fantasy, intimacy isn’t really there, of course, but something in the images suggests it is. Nakedness suggests it.

By God’s design, nakedness is a sign, an icon, an expression, an image of intimacy. It has always been so. God has made the human body wonderful and glorious—“fearfully and wonderfully made”—beautiful to behold.

We might also think of this in this way: The naked body reveals the person without covering, without veil, without obstruction. If intimacy is knowing and being known fully, then of course nakedness would serve as a sign of more complete knowing than clothing would. Clothing veils, even disguises the physical person. Nakedness reveals.

And nakedness as a sign of intimacy goes further still. Consider the sexual parts of the body. What makes them “sexual”? Isn’t it that they are designed to connect intimately with another human being?

In nakedness, a man and woman’s genitalia is exposed—the specific parts of the body by which we experience deeply intimate physical knowing and being known. The man and woman’s bodies are designed for intimate connection—two becoming “one flesh” with each other.

So doesn’t it make sense that the naked images of man or woman draws us because of our God-given need and our good longing for intimacy—to know and be known fully and without fear?

Lust, pornography, and other expressions of sexual sin hijack the icon of intimacy and use it instead as a false intimacy—the form without the substance. For a few moments, the brain and body may have a sense of nakedness without shame, a sense of being known and knowing. The human body on its own cannot tell the difference between the real and the false. But the soul can.

This is why lust never satisfies.

Jesus came to restore the union between body and soul. We were rent apart in the fall, but Jesus can make us whole again. Jesus can help us see again.

We are drawn to nakedness because we are created for intimacy.

Nakedness is a sign, an image, an icon of intimacy because it reveals that our bodies are created by God for intimacy, for knowing and being known, to love and to be loved. In this way, human nakedness is most profoundly an image, a sign, an icon created to reveal God Himself.

Do you struggle with lust? Recognize your longing for intimacy. Seek out healthy, non-sexual intimate relationships. Ask Jesus to show you who He sees when all you see is a what. And keep asking Jesus to raise your body from the death of false intimacy and to make you whole again—body and soul—an image bearer of God.

Question for you: What stands out to you in this post? How might this change your approach to dealing with lust? Leave a comment here.

For you,
Josh

P.S. Listen and subscribe to our new podcast! Search for “Regeneration Ministries Podcast” on iTunes or wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts!”

 

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book review, Men, Women

Be Brave

I’ve been reading 100 Days to Brave: Unlocking Your Most Courageous Self by Annie F. Downs. Little did I know that this was the devotional I needed to be reading. I had searched through many devotionals on a website looking for the one with the “x” factor. Maybe it was the word Brave that stood out to me or the gold accent on the cover? Either way I instinctively knew courage was what I was after. Not that I’m a scaredy cat or live in fear of everything – because I don’t. My whole life is out of my comfort zone and I can look back on my life and see many times I have been brave. I can also look back on my life and see the many times I was not brave. I let insecurity and doubt shut me down. I can also look at my day to day, week to week life and see where I am not stepping up and out. I know God has many things planned for me on the other side of insecurity and doubt.

In the 100 Days to Brave, Annie challenges us to discover what our calling is and narrow it down into one sentence. I had been entertaining an idea like this but it’s been called a personal mission statement. It’s a statement that will give you purpose and direction for your life. Of course, I have over analyzed any idea I’ve had of what the statement would be. So when I read this challenge my brain went to work. For days it was in my peripheral but nothing came to the fore front. I’m called to… I’m called to….? On that Sunday right after worship at church, it came to me.

I’m called to… fortify the weak.

Fortify means to strengthen a place with defensive works so as to protect it against attack, strengthen or invigorate someone mentally or physically.

I reflected on this and could see how over the course of life (so far) I’ve done this in the positions I’ve held in and out of the workplace and within friendships. With a recipe of truth, compassion, and sass I’ve validated and challenged others in the most sensitive times in their life. Whether advocating for others in a court room or meeting, certifying that someone is not crazy for the how they’ve mismanaged their childhood trauma, offering effective solutions for other’s dilemmas, helping someone discern between the truth and a lie, not welcoming the status quo. I’ve heard many times from friends “you make me feel like I’m not crazy.” I used to think – people frequently feel crazy?

This doesn’t mean that I am perfect. I’m far from it. Hearing from the Holy Spirit what my calling is opens up my mind.

The other day I was also thinking of my assignment. I’ve decided there is a difference between your calling and your assignment. Your calling is your purpose. Your assignment is how you are to carry it out.

About a year or more ago, I felt this impression on me that I’m not assigned to minister to those in the church building. I’m not saying this absolves me from any serving that I am to do in my home church. I do serve in a couple of ways. However, there was a distinction I made regarding those already attending church and those lost in the world that don’t even believe they are worthy of salvation, even entering a church building any day of the week. Those so far gone they won’t attend a service or even dare ask God for anything. Those are the people I am assigned to.
I am to be the one that goes into the cave with a flashlight of the Gospel to meet people where they are in their deepest pit. I am to be a light that shines on them while we speak. A light that intrigues them. And when I walk freely out of the cave they’ll want to follow.

I’m drawn to the darkness, not to live but to rescue.

cave

 

For the past 10 years, my resume is filled with a variety of jobs. Topics of trauma, philosophies of care, emotional intelligence, trafficking, disorders & diagnoses, physical restraints, juvenile justice, criminology, addiction, self-harm, stages of change, abuse & neglect, sexual assault, domestic violence, CPS, probation, homelessness, and more – all saturate my mind every day. I see the world through these lenses.

I didn’t actually ask for this.

I’ve always been obsessed with the WHY.

Why do people do what they do?
What makes a criminal a criminal?
Why do people choose to do wrong?
How are they different from anyone else?

The Why is often a hard red pill to swallow. We are broken. We are fumbling in the dark with a blindfold on and ear plugs in. As Christians we are to introduce people to the spiritual realm. Ephesians 6:12 tells us there are two frequencies – flesh and blood, dark world –AND- rulers, authorities, spiritual forces in the heavenly realms.

Most people function in the flesh and blood. Everything changes when you tune into Heaven. You become acutely aware of the over developed disease of evil. You should be able to see and hear the enemy roaring, strangling and killing souls.

There are many theories out there, you can spend a lot of money hearing about them, taking exams and writing dissertations on them.

The ills of society, the brokenness of people won’t be answered by theories or a national organization or by a federal program. Those systems can bring awareness to the symptoms but they have no concrete solution.

The solution is Jesus Christ. When Jesus became my Lord, His ministry was put before me.

Love them and lead them back to me.

Loving like Jesus isn’t hard, loving like a human is hard because no one will meet our conditions 100/100.

God has given us special people to love.
-the homeless
-the unborn
-the military
-the developmentally disabled
-the sick
-those trapped in modern day slavery
-pedophiles, rapists
-pimps and johns
-children
-addicts, dealers
-parolees, probationers, felons, death rowers
-those in hospice
-post-abortive mothers and fathers
-the suicidal, the homicidal
-the abused, the raped
-the unseen and unheard
-the invisible

They are everywhere at all times. Your assignment is who God told you to love intimately and fiercely.

Ask Him right now. Who do you want me to love? Show me how to love them well. If you have yet to identify who God wants you to love, you are living in rebellion.

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
-Matthew 22:36-40

You don’t want to face God and tell him that you spent your lifetime unburdened for the souls of others. You had an extra ticket to Heaven but you threw it in the trash. Be brave and send out invites on behalf of the Bridegroom.

 

Related Reading:

100 Days to Brave by Annie F. Downs.

100d

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Journaling, sex, Transformation

A Lonely Girl’s Cry

I’ve been pursuing deeper things with the Lord lately and examining the issue of soul ties. Soul ties are the bonds we make with others. They can be healthy or toxic, Kingdom building or Kingdom breaking, holy or unholy.

Recently I looked through a workbook from a transformative conference my church calls, All Access. In the conference we cover the deeper topics of Identity, Generational Inequity, Father & Mother Wounds, Inner Vows, Soul Ties and more. I’ve participated a few times in the past couple of years. Each time new issues in my heart and mind are brought to light. Soul ties are always on the forefront of my quest. I have on multiple occassions prayed prayers breaking soul ties to people of my past, specifically sexual in nature. Honestly, each time I do I haven’t felt much happening after that. I’ve prayed but the pull in my soul still persists.

During one of the sessions at All Access, a deep intricate thought came to me but I didnt jot it down in my notes. I assumed it was such an epiphany that I’d remember later…but…I didn’t remember! Grrr! About a week later I reviewed my notes and tried desperately to remember that great thought. I searched the internet for more information on soul ties and watched a teaching video from Jennifer LeClaire. The link to the video is at the bottom of this post.

Everything I read included the steps to breaking soul ties. One of the steps was always to get rid of mementos or gifts, anything that could link you back to the soul tie. I kept thinking I don’t have any objects at all, nothing. I have gotten rid of things like that. But the Holy Spirit reminded me I had journals in boxes in my closet. He told me to get rid of them. Its true, I had journals and journals of documentation of the past, exploits with men and all kinds of unrighteous and spiritually dead themes.

Amongst these journals I had been holding onto a photograph of myself and my “first love” from 2002. He was my first sexual partner and yes first love. He died in 2011 of alcohol poisoning. Sad & Alone. We hadn’t been a couple since 2004. There were some brief sexual encounters years later. I hesitated putting the picture in the throw away box. It was the last item that would link us together.

There were many more stories I threw away in between all those pages.

Included was a play by play of the unrequited love that defined my life. Someone I wanted to be with since I first slept with him. Talk about a Stage 5 clinger! He NEVER wanted me more than to sleep with and I wanted it all from him. To this day I’ve still wanted him. This person has always been the object of my soul tie prayers. I’ve *always* been conflicted about it.

At All Access, our Pastor’s wife (oversees all counseling needs at our church) said something about being Bonded to Loneliness. Those pages were filled with a lonely girl’s cry, confusion, rejection, insecurity etc. Thats been the theme of my heart for decades, and I’m only 32! On that day, March 12th, I threw away all the old scripts and memories. I know I have to cling to the New Life Jesus gave me.

Did magic happen on that day? No. God is not a magician. I’m unaware of what all took place in the spirit realm when I followed through with the Holy Spirit’s directive to throw away those journals. I’m unaware of all the unholy doors that were slammed and bolted shut that day. Im unaware of what Heaven is is now able to do on my behalf because of my obedience. I dont know everything but I know it was a move I had to make to get closer to Jesus and the Father.

Related Videos:

Related Reading:

https://www.charismamag.com/spirit/spiritual-warfare/25853-7-signs-of-an-unhealthy-soul-tie

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hookup culture, sex, Uncategorized

The Faux-Intimate Generation

As I was driving home from a work event I was listening to Clean by Natalie Grant. A memory came to the forefront and I figured I would have to write about it. I was trying to think of title but I didn’t like, “Don’t be a Cheapskate” or “How I knew I had to Stop having Sex.” Another song I like is a country song called Every Little Thing by Carly Pearce.

“Every little thing, I remember every little thing, the high the hurt the shine the sting of every little thing…”

I love it because I’m one those people that remembers. I remember those little things, all the things that never mattered to the other person.

One of the last times I slept with a particular person (about 5 years ago), I remember we didn’t use any protection. Surprise- Surprise. At that time, I was (pathetically) okay with it because I only did that with him. I wasn’t sleeping with anyone else nor did I want to. I was okay with there not being a boundary. I’m not condoning unprotected sex here but explaining my own poor choices.

The next days after, I realized we should have used protection because although I knew where I had been- I did not know where he had been. I could not account for what he was doing with other women or not doing with other women. He was a wild card. I decided to text him.

“Just so you know I only do that with you.”

His response went something like, “Yea me too…I’m clean…trust me.”

He asked if I was on the pill and I said no.

He said if I got the Plan B pill he would “reimburse” me.

reimburse

Reimburse

REIMBURSE

REEEIMMMBUUURSSSE.

I said I wasn’t worried about being pregnant and joked “we’ll see what happens in 9 months.”

He didn’t think it was funny.

I didn’t think REIMBURSE was funny. I didn’t think REIMBURSE was appropriate. I didn’t want his money. I didn’t like the way he so casually used the word REIMBURSE. How many other women had he REIMBURSED? Reimburse is not something you say to someone you slept with. Reimburse is reserved for business transactions. You get reimbursed for office supplies, mileage. You get reimbursed from petty cash when the vending machine won’t give you your Funyuns. I had been given money to purchase Plan B years prior and I vowed that would not be an experience I would repeat. (The Time I Went to the Abortion Clinic)

I was NOT a transaction.

But I was to him.

This exchange of communication was monumental in my quest. Right now, I can thank God for the word choice of that person. Obviously, it has stayed on my mind all these years. It was another reminder of why I could not keep sleeping with him or anyone. Especially as the times have changed and young men have become even more gluttonous for sex as women have become even more feral.
This is the generation of soul-less faux-intimate transactional sex.

I wondered if the new normal was to sleep with a girl unprotected, and then utilize Plan B as a plan a. Just reimburse her later. I remembered when I was younger the mantra was Do Not Get Pregnant. Do Not get a STD.

Had that changed? Had the plan changed so much in less than a decade?

It seems as though as the years pass on Responsibility has become an outdated tenet. How could that be? You would think that as we get older we get wiser.

As our culture has come to worship sex we’ve placed responsibility under personal self-indulgence.

We began to desire the benefits and none of the responsibility. Men and women equal in foolishness.

That *REIMBURSE* conversation led me to see that I had better get out of the game. The game had changed and it wasn’t for me anymore.

I never want to hear the word Reimburse from a man that I have been intimate with. God never intended for men to run amok reimbursing women for Plan Bs or abortions. He intended for men and women to make a covenant with Him at the center to care of one another. To represent Christ to one another. Anything short of that is faux-intimacy. It’s a foundation of quicksand, you lose your footing before you know it. You’ll be left feeling played and cheap. Don’t be a cheapskate. You’re worth more than $50 for Plan B or the $500 for an abortion.

Ladies, a man isn’t taking care of you by throwing money at what he or you may deem a “problem.” The problem happened before the conception. The problem is your lack of purity. You lack a firm and full understanding of who you are.

Men, what happened to you? When did you begin to sell out? Generations before you welcomed responsibility. Welcomed the opportunity to showcase your provision and protection. Being a man meant taking care of someone other than yourself.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her – Ephesians 5:25

Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. – Proverbs 31:31

Related Content:

Related Music:

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Quick Read

Introverting as an INTJ female

The following is list of the inner details of my life. Only my closest people know some of these but I’ve been feeling bold lately so I’m sharing even more. Enjoy or not.

-drink coffee

-envision the next time I’ll get to drink coffee

-get excited for future events

-Pinteresting my heart out

-pre-plan future hobbies

-watch X-Files

-never asking a store employee for help finding anything

-get cozy …alone

-question use of social media because the CIA

-feel conflicted about SnapChat because the CIA- but love the filters because they give me long eyelashes

-vow to never send in my DNA for purposes of determining ancestry because the CIA and FEMA camps

-examine emotions under a microscope

-try to figure out how to be vulnerable

-make lists

-listening to what people say and what they dont say

-spurts of productivity

-longer spurts of analyzing everything

-creating conversation scripts that people don’t follow

-send email and immediately go to sent box- reread email I sent 10 times

-deliberate if I said everything in the correct way in the email

– spend an hour trying to find the right genre of music for my mood

-never have Kleenex in my office for when people cry

-vow to buy Kleenex

-go to store- never buy Kleenex

-type multiple sentence reply- erase it all-send one word reply

-think in terms of memes, movies, songs, Youtube videos, conspiracy “theories,” Key & Peele skits, Portlandia skits

-imagine as if I would have to explain the modern world to George Washington

-daydream of adventures

-never be spontaneous

-scared the Holy Spirit will make me do something I wasn’t expecting

-screenshot cute outfits that I will never buy

-have an arsenal of memes ready to go

-daydream of Bae -Tom Hardy

-have an arsenal of Tom Hardy pics ready for me to insert my face

-organize the clothes in my closet in color order

-have delightful conversation with someone- later determine that I said too much- now they know too much

-not read texts or Facebook messages right way—go into app to read the first line

-write down what to say before making an important phone call

-put off making phone call for 6 hours

-hope call goes to voicemail

-suspect someone following me if they make too many same turns

-cards in wallet are face down so other people can’t see my information

-love escape room games and picture find games

-love documentaries

-listen to music almost 15 hours per day

-buy books

-read 3 books at time

– tv viewing varies from X-Files to Hart of Dixie

-music varies from Billie Holiday to Bizzle to Romeo Santos to Lauren Daigle to Miranda Lambert to Five Finger Death Punch

– want to go on a date – don’t want to talk to a stranger

-want to stay home everyday because people

-have a calling on my life to reach the broken and hurting -have to pep talk myself out of bed

– love public speaking

-hate small talk

-get energized from deep heavy conversations

-zone out when i’m too peopled

-strategize how i would escape being kidanapped

-live everyday out of my comfort zone

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