Uncategorized

Insecurity

You triggered my insecurity

With your breath
by your voice tone
Hitting the airways
The way you
Didn’t look at me
Though i guess you wanted to
The way you
Played it all cool
Til it was just ice
Touching my skin
The way you
Ignored my ridiculous
texts
The ones that said Hey
The ones i sent trying
To get an appointment
In your mind
Even if it couldn’t be in
Your heart
The way you
Smiled
The way you laughed
It all triggered my insecurities
The way you
Wouldn’t answer my insecure- girl questions
The way you left my house
And later my apartment
The way you walked out of my door frame
The way you never called me
The way you’d come back
As if months hadnt passed
I was just an insecure girl
Covered in make up
Perfume
And pomp
I didnt know how to treat a man
How to get along with a man
You triggered my insecurities
You were unimpressed with me
You had your fill of me
And there wasnt much left
I always wanted to
Break free
But i was just a scared insecure girl
With gaudy plans
I was too proud to show up
So i stayed inside to cry
give up
 let pain be done to me.

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Gender Issues, History, International, Men, Women

The UNfeminist Critique of The Handmaid’s Tale

I realize I haven’t written material overtly related to feminism lately so what better topic than Hulu’s new show, The Handmaid’s Tale[THT] which source is the book by Margaret Atwood circa 1985. The year I was born.

Its no coincidence and I was made for such a time as this *Esther 4:14.

Not only does THT include issues of feminism but even more so, it includes the R word…Religion. 

Not Christianity. 

The Republic of Gilead uses scripture out of context for the sole purpose of exerting its will on the people. Christians should see this right away and know its not a far stretch from what Non- Christians already believe about Christianity as of 2017.

THT’s version of religion is one that depicts: rape, murder, sinful rage, PTSD, brain washing, fear, confusuon, hate crimes, manipulation, coercion, lies, torture, female genital mutilation, loveless and sexless marriages, depression, psychosis, and absolutely NO GOSPEL, NO JESUS as normal; “blessed be” daily living for everyone. 

All the feminist arguments are there and all the arguments against Faith are there. Its a sad, barren (sorry “Wives”) society.

Even the Commanders (well so far Commander  Waterford) appears disgusted by his role in the Ceremony. He is reduced to his reproductive abilities like a breeding stag. All relationships are formed out of formality and reproductive opportunities. Relationships are made not to bring joy but to enoforce human production. But who are they are arranged by?

The government. On the most superficial level Im sure liberals, athiests, democrats and feminists make the argument that the Republic of Gilead is DJT’s government. *excuse me while I roll my eyes into oblivion*

The Republic of Gilead is a dictatorship, Communist- Slave State, ridden with fundamentalism on the surface and a cult at the core.

The Republic renames its people, June becomes Offred which is just a plantation name not an individual name. No one is allowed to speak of life before. Handmaids are not allowed to read. Lynching is common. Rape is systematic. Violence is expected. Resistance is underground. Fertility is ruined by “environmental disasters”  ( Or… http://natural-fertility-info.com/aspartame.html). Women have no rights to money or property. 

Offred’s narration tells us “when they slaughtered Congress we didn’t wake up.” Within the 4 episodes we see June, Luke and Moira continue to minimize the tactics of the military force on their way of life, the American way of life.

When the barista called them sluts and ordered for them to leave the coffee shop. When women were told they had to leave the office because “its the law now,” they packed their boxes and left. When their accounts were frozen and their money transferred to the male next of kin.When June’s newborn was the only baby in the hospital nursery. 

Where were they these ideas were beginning  to saturate America? Where were they when our government waa being man-handled? Where were they?

Where were they when a militaristic terror group based on patriarchial religion was:

-Raping and selling women (http://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2016/09/isis-sex-slaves-auctioned-off-saudi-arabia-hillarys-top-donor-country/)

-Beheading people that dont believe what they believe

– Mutilating girls and women (http://www.freep.com/story/news/local/michigan/wayne/2017/04/26/feds-indict-3-genital-mutilation-case-2-docs-woman-head-trial/100930242)

-Making it law for women to cover their heads

– Throwing gays from buildings (http://www.jerusalemonline.com/news/middle-east/the-arab-world/isis-documented-throwing-gays-off-the-rooftops-of-buildings-25758)

– Rounding up LGBT for concentration camps (https://milo.yiannopoulos.net/2017/05/chechnya-parents-gays/)

Where were you then? I guess those horrors aren’t real unless they happen to White Feminism.

The grimace of the majority white cast of THT is sadly ironic as their horrors and trauma are centuries of daily life for the majority of the world- past, present and future. 

And DJT has nothing to do with it.

Your marches are cartoonish. Your cries for  equality (superiority) are the noise of toddlers that need their diapers changed. Your tweets always adolsecent. Your posters weak, pretentious and obnoxious. Your demands laughable compared to the needs of real women.

THT is your post- feminist America. Yoga pants, Starbucks and casual sex outlawed by gargantuan government you voted in and yielded to.

Remember that when you’re not welcome in your own city.

http://www.breitbart.com/london/2017/01/09/half-german-women-feel-unsafe-neighbourhoods/
http://m.france24.com/en/20161219-focus-france-women-suburbs-low-profile-discrimination-gender-segregation-cafes

http://www.dailywire.com/news/12159/video-muslim-migrants-france-segregate-suburbs-amanda-prestigiacomo

Related Reading:

http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2017/04/28/ayaan-hirsi-ali-female-genital-mutilation-and-what-were-really-talking-about-beneath-weasel-words-genital-cutting.html

http://thefederalist.com/2017/05/03/handmaids-tale-accidentally-gets-right-sex/

http://thefederalist.com/2017/04/27/handmaids-tale-isnt-christianity-conservatives-fundamentalism/

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Quick Read, Transformation

Still Me

           (circa ’08?’09? I  was Snookie before Snookie was Snookie…)

You’re right, I’m not who I used to be. I believe in different things now. The things we used to believe together. I no longer do the things I used to do. The things that made you feel comfortable. The things we did together.

I don’t drink.

I don’t go to bars or clubs.

I don’t sleep with guys.

I don’t flirt or seduce.

I don’t use foul language.

I rarely listen to secular music.

I’m not a feminist anymore.

I believe in traditional marriage.

I don’t try to be seen.

I don’t try to intimidate.

I don’t put my ego first.

I’m a patriot but I pledge allegiance to Jesus.

I don’t believe the color of my skin entitles me or makes me a victim.

I’m Pro-Life.

And I was never a democrat anyway.

There’s plenty more I can’t articulate at this moment.
I cashed in all my chips and ended up with zero. These things bankrupted my spirit. As I moved closer to God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit I could no longer hold on to those things. They no longer served any purpose because they are not based on anything long withstanding. 

I admit, perhaps I never made it clear in years past of what I did stand for. Though in my defense, I never claimed to be For some of those things; my only fault-remaining silent in my disagreement. 

I gave up those things willingly and freely. I’ve never felt and thought more clearly. I’m doing great. 

I am still Me. Unapologetic and Resolute.

When you probably roll your eyes at the sight of my name and the things I stand for now, know that I’m fine with whatever reaction you have. The disagreements that permeate in your bones, you’re allowed to have.  But know this –

It was you that shut me out. 

So I continue on, always available for non-spontaneous coffee dates, froyo meet-ups and other such treats.

With Love,

Still Me 

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Uncategorized

Incognito

Incognito:

(of a person) having one’s true identity concealed.

synonyms: under an assumed name, under a false name, in disguise, disguised, under cover, in plain clothes, camouflaged

God recently spoke to me about coming out of hiding,

Come out of your hiding places so that you can’t rely on them anymore.

I imagine the character, Oliver Queen (Green Arrow of DC Comics). Back to when he had been abandoned on the island. After becoming aware that he was supposed to be a dead and that there were villains sent to kill him, he began to hide. He hid in a variety of places. He hid to survive. Oliver Queen was hiding from the real threat of death and torture.

p

We hide from the real or perceived threat of hurt, rejection, shame and insecurity.

Why hide? We are afraid to be broken and we desire to save face in the presence of those threats.

Last fall I read Uninvited (Lysa Turkeurst), Unashamed (Christine Caine) and Without Rival (Lisa Bevere). The major themes were rejection, shame and God’s unique love for us as individuals. Uninvited led to a revelation of my deep needs to feel noticed and safe.

At our human core we are self-protectors and hiders. Adam and Eve tried to protect themselves from the sight of their nakedness and sin. They hid in the Garden from God unsuccessfully.

We have yet to perfect this hiding game. God beckons us out of our hiding places.

In December, I wrote in my journal:

Whats so hard with telling someone how you really feel? Why is rejection so terrifying? Why does rejection hurt so badly? So deeply? Whats so hard about showing your real feelings? With letting someone see you cry? Whats so hard about telling someone you hurt my feelings? Why are all of those things so scary? Why am I so afraid of those? Whats so hard about being vulnerable? I don’t know how to not hide. I don’t know how to come out of hiding.

The next day, God spoke to me about saving face. He said,

You want to save face, I AM your face.

I said Whhaaaa? I’m still trying to really grasp what He meant.

The concept of “saving face” has its roots in Chinese culture [when you search Google]. I know its roots go way back. The Chinese “saving face” is a way to avoid humiliation for yourself or for someone else. Using this definition, I could say I’m trying to save myself from humiliation. A synonym of humiliate is shame or making someone feel ashamed. So here we have arrived at Shame once again. Shame always causes us to hide.

Though we try to avoid shame, humiliation, rejection, incompetency, inability, inadequacy

God takes those away and makes us delightful, honored, acceptedcompetent, able, adequate.

I am your dwelling place       Deuteronomy 33:27

One night in January, I couldnt get to sleep. I got out of bed and ate a bowl of cereal. Looking around my living room I read a sign I have up that says,

The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still.      Exodus 14:14

I began seeing it in a very new way. Often times, we focus on the “be still” portion of this scripture. Telling ourselves to chill out- Gods got this. This time I saw the “The Lord will fight for you” even larger and bolder than ever before. The Lord…will FIGHT. FIGHT for ME. Little ‘ol me. I began to pray,

Father God, please fight for me. I release me. I release me from the duty to fight for myself. I invite you, the Holy Spirit to fight for me.

Tears fell. Tears I didn’t know were ready to be released. God has been speaking to me for years about these issues. My way of having my emotions controlled. I most often, feel the safest when alone. Though I have close relationships with a small (tiny) group of people, I continue to stay retreated within myself.

“I can allow the Holy Spirit to become my defense mechanism (p. 88, Unashamed).”

Last week, I began to think of the story in Matthew 14 of the disciples on a boat during the night. We are often amazed at the story. Just before dawn, the disciples saw someone on the water. They thought it was a ghost! Jesus told them “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” Peter told Jesus, if it really is you “tell me to come to you on the water.”  Jesus does tell him to come out onto the water. Peter gets out of the boat but upon looking down at the water gets a little freaked and Jesus steps in and keeps him above the water.

WoW.

Lets back up though. Matthew 14:28 tells us that Peter told Jesus to tell him to come out onto the water.

!!!WHAT??? I would never have said that. First, because I do have a fear of deep water, drowning and very large sea creatures swallowing me. I would have been one of the disciples that was not talking, trying to camouflage with the boat. I would have hoped that Jesus was a ghost so I didn’t have to get out of that boat! Peter didn’t hide. He didn’t retreat in fear. Jesus beckoned him out of the boat. Out of safety – because He was the Safety. He was the boat, the safety net, the refuge.

He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.    Psalm 91:2

I recently listened to a short webcast from a woman named, Jennifer LeClaire. She prophesied, “Emerge from your Cave.”

The notes I took were yet another addition to this entire message from God to me.

-look upon God’s face

-dont look at their face – look upon Mine

-emerge from the cave, cave dwellers

caves

I’m coming out the caves. I’m revealing my hiding spots so that I can’t go back to them. In the moments to come when I feel like retreating, defending myself against the threats of hurt, rejection, shame and insecurity I will rely on the Lord. It will be a case by case basis because I don’t know what exactly I’m in for. I will show up though. I wont play it safe from inside the caverns. I’m aware the only way to achieve this is to take myself out of the equation and yield it to the Holy Spirit. Less of me, more of HIM.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1529618177058879&id=146855628668481
 

(Unashamed- Christine Caine)

“Always keep in mind you are accepted by God.”    – John Eckhardt

Related Reading:

Uninvited by Lysa Turkeurst

Unashamed by Christine Caine

Without Rival by Lisa Bevere

Related Video:

Related Music:

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