Response: Why Men Aren’t Really Men Anymore

I found an article on Elite Daily and decided to post it along with my commentary. My comments are in bold and I also blocked out a couple of words for decency.

–Why Men Aren’t Really Men Anymore–

There was once a time when men used to be real men. When they dressed with style, when they had a certain honor code they followed that involved treating not only their elders and each other with respect, but women alike. Unfortunately, those days are far- gone — a thing of the past. What we have now is… to be quite honest, I’m not sure.

*You have Manboys. Or Boymen. Boys that have not been required to grow up and become men. They have been rewarded by women (which usually was a big motivator) for their perpetual boyhood. With the rise of the Independent Woman and feminism, women everywhere don’t want a guy to pay for their dates. Women now believe that sex and money are the great equalizers.

There are of course certain men out there who still have their affairs in order, but we are few in number. What people are most often subject to is the company of boys who are refusing to grow up and man up — boys who prefer to play with their toys than to do their part in bettering society, the human race and the world as a whole. These poor excuses for men have the bodies of adults and the mentalities, as well as the social outlook of toddlers. Horny toddlers, but toddlers nonetheless.

*Back in the day, men had to have a house to bring a wife home to. He had to ask her parents if he could marry her. It wasn’t a tradition, it was a real thing. He had to show her parents that he could take care of her, that he had somewhere for her to live and that he had a profession that would generate a livelihood. A man didn’t bring his wife to his parent’s home to live as a quartet. As a man, you leave your father and mother and start your own family. A different household. With cohabitation as the norm, so many of us verging 30somethings are apartment dwellers. Men are no longer cleaning out gutters, mowing the lawn and raking the leaves because well, that’s what the maintenance crew is for. Men have more time to sit around and think they still have time.

It’s all about character — or in this case, the lack of character. Something has been happening during this era dubbed the “information age.” Social media platforms have taken away the need to interact face to face, taking away the need for actual interaction. This is great in many regards: you can now keep in touch with friends and family all over the world from a handheld device.

*I believe social media has allowed us to create personas of ourselves. There’s many people I see sharing quotes about God, then sharing quotes from Facebook pages like Boss B****. Raunchy jokes, memes that condemn dead-beat dads, then quotes talking about what a “real relationship” is. Everyone wants to look good on social media, buts it’s what is in the heart that really shines through the surface. You can claim to a mature person but when you go straight to venting online and typing out cuss words, your true colors show. It also creates superficial interactions. Your true character will not be formed through social media interactions, it will be formed through your real struggles in life. Who are you when no one is looking? What decisions are you making when no one can see? Who are without your timeline? What would you have in your life without your social media accounts?

However, much of the interpersonal confrontations are now also taking place online. People no longer feel that they have a need to meet in person to discuss their differences; they can now troll each other online. People are using the Internet as a shield, hiding behind IP addresses in order to speak their minds. The Internet acts like beer-muscles. It makes you believe that you are stronger than you actually are, making you more aggressive. There is nothing wrong with being aggressive when circumstances require it.

Personally, when my fight or flight response mechanism kicks in, I always go with fight. It’s not by choice; it’s just the way that I am wired. Online, people have no need to run away because they are already in hiding — so they always choose to “fight.” Although the fighting they do is just about as significant as the fighting I do when I play Call of Duty.

The same interaction from beneath cover can be seen when we look at the intercommunication between men and women. It is no secret that both men and women alike have sexual urges. Men, however, feel the need to get off more often than most women. So instead of having to spend the time to meet a real woman and have actual sexual intercourse, they watch porn.

Instead of going out into the real world and meeting women, they stalk women on Instagram. People now date online as well. It’s much easier to talk to a woman online than it is in person—or rather, it’s not that it’s easier. Both are just as easy, but for some reason, men now prefer to hide their faces behind their monitors. (Every time I use the term ‘men’ in such context I quiver) It’s out of fear and laziness. Men have become lazy  I don’t even want to use the word  because it brings to mind women, who nowadays have much more character than men.

*I have been the lucky gal that discovered the fact that some guys just want a Facebook relationship or a Texting relationship. These are relationships where you text or message each other and even send cute pics. You may really enjoy and like the person, however, without a phone or other device your relationship is basically non-existent. Somehow, many people seem to enjoy such arrangement. They don’t really have to participate. No one has to “make time” for someone else. You can keep your daily routine full intact. Why do you think Catfishing is a thing? You get to engage but keep your real-self untouched.
As a teenager, not everyone had a cell phone. You had to actually call a person on their house-phone and ask to speak with them. You had to work up the nerve to follow through without hanging-up after the second ring. You had to work out all the kinks of your brain-to-mouth process and practice your social skills.

To get to know someone you liked, you actually had to hang-out with them. You had to go over their house after school or on the weekend to sit paranoid on their couch and just be very thirsty until they finally offered you something to drink. Now, we rarely experience these situations because we spend so much time behind our screens. My first boyfriend, would walk roughly 7 miles from his house to see me after school. It also wasn’t uncommon for him to walk from his house to mine roughly 6 miles to see me. Now, guys expect you to find a way to come to their place “just to kick it.” Are you serious?

As a teen, I remember friends of mine had to live under phone rules. Boys were not allowed to call them at all. To talk to a boy on the phone another girl would have to call and ask for her then give the phone to the boy. Other rules included no phone calls after a certain time. As teens, we thought these rules were ridiculous. But now I see, it creates boundaries and a requirement of respect.

But now, everyone has a cell phone. Everyone is accessible 24/7. The text notification appeals to our senses and gives us the illusion that something important is on the other side of that chime. A 2am text can seem exciting. Watching those three dots quiver while the guy you like is typing you a message can keep us engaged for hours. But what about the excitement of getting familiar with that person’s mannerisms and inflection in their voice?

Or the excitement of just sitting next to your crush? The thrill of just holding hands? Men, there is so much excitement to be had if only you’d muscle up your dormant courage and speak to me in person.

Generation-Y is the instant gratification generation. We want what we want right at the moment we figure out that we want it. We are willingly giving up one of the most important things in life: the waiting period. Having to wait and having to deal with our urges and wants without instantly having them satisfied is what builds character and is what we are now lacking in this fast-paced age.

If we want food, we order it online and have it delivered. If we want to listen to our favorite song, we find it on YouTube, iTunes or Spotify. If we want to watch a movie, we either buy it on demand or stream it online. If we want sex, we masturbate. If we want to have a good time, we do drugs. We have this false belief that doing things faster will give us a life more fulfilled — that it will lead to us being happier. But that isn’t the case. Most of us aren’t happier. We do more, but we experience less. We are never in the moment because we are always considering what we will be doing next in order to not become bored.

*I believe we are a generation of “keeping our options open.” We don’t like to commit to too much. Our plans change constantly with ongoing text messages, group texts and event invites we are constantly engaging and disengaging. We sit behind our screens once again and judge the level of fun to be had should we choose to attend an offer to causal get some coffee to a themed party at a club to your cousin’s baby shower. Decisions need to be made. If you’re really stuck-up you attend none of them because the perceived level of fun is well below your standard. It’s not a far stretch then to imagine taking this attitude into relationships. People are trying on others for size and exchanging you for someone else that fits better. Of course there the cliché that you shouldn’t settle for just anyone. Committing to someone is not settling. Our generation is afraid of commitment. How can you commit when you can see endless profiles of millions of others all around the world. It definitely creates a sense of “I have options” if the fun level in your current fling has died down.

Character is most often built during those moments between activities, during moments of solitude and reflection. Men no longer feel the need to pause and reflect because the options for whatever it is they want are only a click away. The options are endless and therefore we never truly experience disappointment.

We never really feel that we are missing out on something because we no longer give things much importance. Jackie never got back to your text message? I’m sure you have several other women in your contacts that you’d equally like to  — once. Then you’ll get bored and move on to the next one. Men treat women like interchangeable commodities. I do believe that most men still hope to one day fall in love and settle down. But none of them will unless they change their way of thinking and living.

*There a few fellas that come to mind here. These men have no problem playing the field and welcoming different women into their bedrooms. In the back of their mind, they do want to find “the right one.” They do believe in a day they will *be* married and have children. However, they don’t seem realize their bad habits now will not transfer them to their ideal destination. How could you ever master fidelity when you can’t go 60 days without sex? How can you be sure you will be a great father when you refuse to date a women that already has children? Its like a little leaguer expecting to win the World Series by next summer and they never went to weekly practice. I’m so sorry, you will not win the big game.

When you’re married a text message to your wife to “come over” will not work. You’re going to have to build your brain to sustain a marriage.

Being focused on self-satisfaction will lead to nothing but broken relationships. Real men are not selfish. Real men are just as concerned for the feelings, needs and minds of women as they are for their own — not just women’s bodies and their sexual usefulness. Real men have a well-defined code of ethics and respect that they follow.

How can anyone call himself a man if the last time he had to confront another man — whether it be over a social incident or for business purposes — was before he hit puberty? If you don’t have the twiddle-diddles to approach a woman at a bar in person and have a proper, intellectual conversation, making the woman feel respected and comfortable, then move over for the real men.

*My next statement will make a feminist cringe. I would like to be able to have the option of “going to get my husband” or be able to say “wait ‘til I tell my husband” knowing that my husband will be able to bring the level of testosterone needed to handle some things. Do you get what I’m saying? There are some men that will on respect another man, and I’m going to need a man that can handle these types of people. If you’re not that type of man, please move to the end of the line.

It’s awful because women are becoming accustomed to such boys and believing that these pansies are all that is left of our sex. Some great women are settling for these fools and then finding that they themselves have no choice but to wear the pants in the family because their “man” is PMSing. All I can hope for is that the law of evolution will see the world rid of these weaklings, these characterless, hopeless pseudo-men.

Ladies… real men do exist; there aren’t many of us, but we’re survivors and will be around for a while. Come find us.

RelatedReading:                                                                                                                                                  http://elitedaily.com/life/culture/why-men-arent-really-men-anymore/

http://www.gurl.com/2014/02/06/worst-most-annoying-texts-guys-send-how-to-respond/#7