I find it amusing just how God can teach you something through the conversations you have, the people you meet, the books you read and everything in between. I often see patterns where others don’t and can quickly correlate streaming information into one theme. Something that God has taught me and clearly highlighted for me recently, is that sex is a distraction. The Great Distraction. It runs interference through all areas of your life. Many don’t realize how focused they are on sex and how many of their decisions reflect its importance. Sex is often an imitator and distorter as well. I read The Wait
by Meagan Good and DeVon Franklin in which they both adamantly agree that sex is extremely distracting in the dating game. They believe it definitely gets in the way of building a long-lasting relationship. As I move closer to God and continue to sacrifice my own desires for His, my eyes can see so much more now. Where I went wrong; where others are going down a dark and difficult path. I write this with compassionate and love to warn you.
I’ve narrowed it down to 3 Ways Sex is the Great Distraction…
Distracts us from unpleasant feelings
Looking back there were times I felt insecure around a certain person. I lingered long enough and was subtle enough that they would initiate sex. I would go along with it. For one, because I wanted to, for two, because I didn’t want to feel insecure a moment longer. Sex gave me a validation, it was imitation of course. It gave me a quick hit of confidence, although short lived. Sinking lower days later every time. It took me a very long time to flee that cycle, to quit blaming the other person, and to get on my knees crying to God and repenting of my insecurity. I read somewhere that insecurity is a sin. I was feeling insecure when God had not designed me to feel that way, His Word details for us to proclaim the opposite. I was also going outside of God to feed my desires and leaving His protective covering. Sex was distracting me, the physical closeness with that person held me captive though my heart ruptured during each act.
Distracts us from real problems
The Wait by Meagan Good and DeVon Franklin, confirms that sex distracts us from getting to know each other in an authentic and long lasting way. When people jump into bed with one another right away (any time before marriage) they miss out on knowing one another intimately and deeply. Often times, it seems the only way a man knows “somethings wrong,” is when his lady is withholding sex from him. She’s never in the mood, has a headache or other reasons. This makes him question what’s been going on, what she could be upset about and so on. This makes me think about my last relationship. I did not withhold sex when something was bothering me. There wasn’t much of a change in the bedroom when I was facing inner turmoil. There were so many times I told myself to reach out and let him know what was going on, basically that I was sad (I was most likely depressed, though I didn’t know it). I cried alone plenty of times before he came home from work, only to wipe my tears and put on a happy face when he walked in the door. Because I was unable to be vulnerable, and he was unable to truly know me- he had no clue I was unhappy. Perhaps, if he had known me better and deeper, he might have caught on. Perhaps, had I known him deeper and better, I would have realized he was not the type to make large life changes easily. Our break up over me wanting to move back to my home city wouldn’t have been so surprising. When you’re busy playing house and kissy face, you don’t always go deeper into uncomfortableness. Sex distracted me allowing me to feel as if everything was okay when it wasn’t.
Distracts us from real truths
I will admit, I don’t have as much experience with this problem. I have observed many people, men and women, in the on-again-off-again marry-go-round. Blasting social media with the breakup and what seems like 19 days later, the makeup. I see the statuses and selfies, the memes and passive aggressive quotes. After 6 months, I’m always thinking – stay apart or stay together. Make the personal changes, apologize, commit – or just STOP. To be honest, as soon I see the couple back together, I say oh? What changed? Did they make the necessary changes? Did they apologize for bad behavior?
Or did yall just jump back in bed and *POOF* ABRACADABRA* you two magically worked out all your issues within those 19 days? She became such a better woman or he became such a better man in those few weeks you were “not together.” Or you just got too horny and didn’t want to sleep with someone new? You got tired of waiting it out. You got worried they were going to move on with someone else.
Well, now you’re back together until the next time that you’re Not together. Do you think breaking up and getting back together every 5 minutes is helping or hindering your personal growth? Are you the woman you want to be? Are you the man you want to be?
I bet if you took sex off of the table, you’d be able to figure out real quick if you truly like (or love) this person.
Sex distracts you from the real truth like you and that person are not meant to be.
Let go of sex and get free.
Mr. Wrong- Mary J. Blige https://youtu.be/eS-y2R9cmnQ
If I Could- Sevin https://youtu.be/ELTpVpvu1_w