Gender Issues, History, International, Men, Women

The UNfeminist Critique of The Handmaid’s Tale

I realize I haven’t written material overtly related to feminism lately so what better topic than Hulu’s new show, The Handmaid’s Tale[THT] which source is the book by Margaret Atwood circa 1985. The year I was born.

Its no coincidence and I was made for such a time as this *Esther 4:14.

Not only does THT include issues of feminism but even more so, it includes the R word…Religion. 

Not Christianity. 

The Republic of Gilead uses scripture out of context for the sole purpose of exerting its will on the people. Christians should see this right away and know its not a far stretch from what Non- Christians already believe about Christianity as of 2017.

THT’s version of religion is one that depicts: rape, murder, sinful rage, PTSD, brain washing, fear, confusuon, hate crimes, manipulation, coercion, lies, torture, female genital mutilation, loveless and sexless marriages, depression, psychosis, and absolutely NO GOSPEL, NO JESUS as normal; “blessed be” daily living for everyone. 

All the feminist arguments are there and all the arguments against Faith are there. Its a sad, barren (sorry “Wives”) society.

Even the Commanders (well so far Commander  Waterford) appears disgusted by his role in the Ceremony. He is reduced to his reproductive abilities like a breeding stag. All relationships are formed out of formality and reproductive opportunities. Relationships are made not to bring joy but to enoforce human production. But who are they are arranged by?

The government. On the most superficial level Im sure liberals, athiests, democrats and feminists make the argument that the Republic of Gilead is DJT’s government. *excuse me while I roll my eyes into oblivion*

The Republic of Gilead is a dictatorship, Communist- Slave State, ridden with fundamentalism on the surface and a cult at the core.

The Republic renames its people, June becomes Offred which is just a plantation name not an individual name. No one is allowed to speak of life before. Handmaids are not allowed to read. Lynching is common. Rape is systematic. Violence is expected. Resistance is underground. Fertility is ruined by “environmental disasters”  ( Or… http://natural-fertility-info.com/aspartame.html). Women have no rights to money or property. 

Offred’s narration tells us “when they slaughtered Congress we didn’t wake up.” Within the 4 episodes we see June, Luke and Moira continue to minimize the tactics of the military force on their way of life, the American way of life.

When the barista called them sluts and ordered for them to leave the coffee shop. When women were told they had to leave the office because “its the law now,” they packed their boxes and left. When their accounts were frozen and their money transferred to the male next of kin.When June’s newborn was the only baby in the hospital nursery. 

Where were they these ideas were beginning  to saturate America? Where were they when our government waa being man-handled? Where were they?

Where were they when a militaristic terror group based on patriarchial religion was:

-Raping and selling women (http://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2016/09/isis-sex-slaves-auctioned-off-saudi-arabia-hillarys-top-donor-country/)

-Beheading people that dont believe what they believe

– Mutilating girls and women (http://www.freep.com/story/news/local/michigan/wayne/2017/04/26/feds-indict-3-genital-mutilation-case-2-docs-woman-head-trial/100930242)

-Making it law for women to cover their heads

– Throwing gays from buildings (http://www.jerusalemonline.com/news/middle-east/the-arab-world/isis-documented-throwing-gays-off-the-rooftops-of-buildings-25758)

– Rounding up LGBT for concentration camps (https://milo.yiannopoulos.net/2017/05/chechnya-parents-gays/)

Where were you then? I guess those horrors aren’t real unless they happen to White Feminism.

The grimace of the majority white cast of THT is sadly ironic as their horrors and trauma are centuries of daily life for the majority of the world- past, present and future. 

And DJT has nothing to do with it.

Your marches are cartoonish. Your cries for  equality (superiority) are the noise of toddlers that need their diapers changed. Your tweets always adolsecent. Your posters weak, pretentious and obnoxious. Your demands laughable compared to the needs of real women.

THT is your post- feminist America. Yoga pants, Starbucks and casual sex outlawed by gargantuan government you voted in and yielded to.

Remember that when you’re not welcome in your own city.

http://www.breitbart.com/london/2017/01/09/half-german-women-feel-unsafe-neighbourhoods/
http://m.france24.com/en/20161219-focus-france-women-suburbs-low-profile-discrimination-gender-segregation-cafes

http://www.dailywire.com/news/12159/video-muslim-migrants-france-segregate-suburbs-amanda-prestigiacomo

Related Reading:

http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2017/04/28/ayaan-hirsi-ali-female-genital-mutilation-and-what-were-really-talking-about-beneath-weasel-words-genital-cutting.html

http://thefederalist.com/2017/05/03/handmaids-tale-accidentally-gets-right-sex/

http://thefederalist.com/2017/04/27/handmaids-tale-isnt-christianity-conservatives-fundamentalism/

Standard
Men, Quick Read

a Desolate Man

 

namib-desert-southern-africa

The desert is a desert because it gets no rain. It gets no rain because it gets no clouds. The conditions are hostile to plant or animal life.

Your heart is a desert. Uninhabited. Barren. It gets no replenishing rain because you never embrace the clouds. You’re stingy with what little water you receive and produce creations like shrubs and cacti. Your shrubs produce limited sustenance and the cacti, no soft place to rest.

I often used to settled in your desert like Terah dying in Harran (Gen. 11:31-32) and made idols of you like the golden calf (Ex. 32) only to be sunburned and left to endure the desert’s below freezing temperatures all alone. My heart became too sensitive to your elements and ravaged by your weather. 

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

“I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh.”  -Ezekiel 11:19

You parked at the point of your pain. Its time to put the keys in the ignition and rev up the engine. The road belongs to you.

This is your invitation to Eden. Please join me…

Related Music:

Standard
Men, Quick Read, Women

3 Ways Sex is The Great Distraction

image

I find it amusing just how God can teach you something through the conversations you have, the people you meet, the books you read and everything in between. I often see patterns where others don’t and can quickly correlate streaming information into one theme. Something that God has taught me and clearly highlighted for me recently, is that sex is a distraction. The Great Distraction. It runs interference through all areas of your life. Many don’t realize how focused they are on sex and how many of their decisions reflect its importance. Sex is often an imitator and distorter as well. I read The Wait

Continue reading

Standard
book review, Men, Women

My Wait

image

The Wait is a honest depiction of celibacy in the modern age. Devon Franklin and Meagan Good give personal accounts of their journey, individually and as a couple. Whether your choice or consideration for celibacy is one of a commitment to God or not, The Wait offers so much  confirmation and assistance to one practicing the lifestyle. Devon and Meagan began their journey of celibacy separately and at different times. Each walking through life seeking God’s will. They did not know at first that they were for each other, but began a friendship that did turn into a marriage. I am approaching close to 3 years of celibacy and waiting in God’s time, knowing He is writing a beautiful love story- better than I could ever imagine.

Right away, the question of Why gets answered for us.

“But why? Why did we consciously delay gratification – not just sexual but emotional and spiritual- that would have come with diving headfirst into a passionate relationship? The answer is simple: we wanted God’s very best for our lives, collectively and individually, and we wanted it in whatever way he intended. This required patience (pg.xvii).”

“Because we waited, we exchanged immediate gratification for what we really wanted and who we really wanted to be. Because we waited, God was able to reveal things that we would have missed if we had been blinded by the white-hot light of lust, desperate to fulfill our own desires. Because we waited, we were eventually ready (pg.xviii).”

The authors clarify that the Wait is (sort of) about sex. Sex is always around us through tv, movies, music, blogs, magazines, talk shows, billboards. Lets to be real- sex is in our own minds and memories. When you decided not to have it [sex], not to entertain it, even fight against thoughts of it, now that is what stirs up curiosity and controversy. Singer, Ciara Harris and now fiance Seattle Seahawks QB, Russell Wilson stirred up media with their commitment to doing it Jesus’ way. Congrats By The Way!!!!

ciararussell

 

God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin.  

1 Thessalonians 4:3

Waiting is not passive. I’m not waiting for a prince to rescue me from some high tower of a castle. The authors, tells us while we wait we should be working on ourselves, “…letting love and purpose manifest in your life as result of you working on becoming the best version of yourself (pg.11).”It’s about focusing on becoming our best, the best God intended for us to be. Trusting God that He is working on your behalf at all times. This allows us to fill free from believing that we’ve got to make things happen NOW, “God has His hand on your life during this time, rearranging the scenery in order to set you up for good things to come (pg. 13).”

Waiting is not about ridding yourself of sexual urges. They will always be there because of our human nature. However, “your sexual urges lose their power over you. You gain power over them (pg. 16).” You have to want Plan A over all other things. Plan A is the very best God has in store for you, though based on our decisions we may miss out on Plan A.

the wait

Chapter Two: Getting What You Really Want (Hint: It Isn’t Sex), reminded me of The Purge – my own struggle of discovering what I really wanted. The Wait is about removing yourself from that toxic cycle, running towards the things and people that continue to break you each time.  Are you suffering from post-traumatic relationship disorder?

meagangood

It’s about personal growth. Growing up. Improving yourself. Praying that God not only send you a spouse, but He work on you. Pray that God teach you how to be that spouse. Relationships, situationships all distracts us. Most of us. Most of us don’t do it God’s way (at first). We’ve gotten the person of our affection in our grasp and just stopped focusing on our priorities. In the past, its always been difficult to take care of priorities when there’s some guy I’m pining for.

Waiting reduces drama, conflict, and expense….Then there’s the post-sex conflict, expectations, and crises (pg. 64)… who wouldn’t love to say good-bye to the walks of shame, morning-after scenes, waiting on the call that doesn’t come, and feelings of being used?…. Waiting gives your better knowledge of your partner. When you’re not blinded by lust or the counterfeit intimacy that can come with premarital sex, you can see the person you’re dating for who they are (pg. 65).”

Temptation…something that I really loved was, “Sometimes wisdom means knowing when you’re not strong, ****so that you don’t have to be strong**** (pg.88).” WoW! I had never thought of temptation in this way!

Funny (but pathetic) story I recently recalled to a friend. I remembered years ago, I was on my way to see a guy [the one from The Purge]. It was a summer night around 10pm or 11pm or ??? While driving there, I was telling myself I wasn’t going to hookup with him. I wasn’t going to stay long. I prayed to God, done let me hook up with him- don’t let me have sex with him. The outcome? I was in his bed sooner than I realized. Easily melted into our sin and I never resisted. What a dummy. What a fool. I went knowing I wasn’t strong that’s why I included God at the last minute. Grabbing God at the last second isn’t enough. I was being unwise.

Knowing your triggers is extremely important. Page 99 gives us some good examples: Late nights, emotional trauma, intimate contact, alcohol, sexting/snapchat, travel. There can be more and we all have our own combination of triggers. Just like any behavior that you’re trying to keep in check, over-eating, gambling, shopping, drugs etc. We all have triggers that if not examined can lead us to acting out our weaknesses. This is about being smart, not putting yourself up against temptation- believing that you can outwit your own flesh.

Chapters Five and Six divulge deeper into why women and men don’t wait. In short, women tend to have a fear of being alone, “Scratch the surface of a lot of unmarried young women and you’ll find a layer of fear just below the surface. Fear of being alone. Fear of not having children. Fear of being judged and found wanting. Fear of being less of a woman. Fear of being inadequate, insufficient, not good enough. Fear of not being all you were called to be by the time you think it should happen (pg.110).” I wont go further because I think this is an easy concept.

Why men don’t wait is something entirely different and worthy of deep exploration. Men tend to prescribe to “The List… unspoken inventory of must-haves that plays on a 24-7 loop (pg. 141).” The List is as follows: Wealth, Power, Position, A hot car, Great clothes, A huge crib, Big toys, A beautiful, sexy woman on your arm.

The List is a placebo. 

“The man who recklessly gives himself over to his sex drive denies and distances himself from his divine nature. He courts chaos, drama, legal troubles, illegitimate children- everything this side of the plagues Moses warned Pharaoh about in Exodus. Worst of all, he becomes manipulative and callous, willing to do or say anything to get a woman into bed. He becomes addicted not just to the physical feeling of sex but also to the psychology of how sex makes him feel- and the game he must play to produce this feeling (pg. 147).”

God was telling me, “Don’t play with my daughters’ hearts.”  – Devon Franklin

waitwedding

Are you ready to change? Are you ready to pause and heal your wounds? Are you ready to relinquish your sad imitation of power to the One that made you? It’s not easy. It took me one day a time to stop making the same mistakes. It took me opening up to a trusted group of young women in a small group and them praying audacious prayers over me. It took me getting on my knees crying out to the One that made me, and humbling myself to repent of insecurity. The reasons we do what we do all differ, but sin is at the core. Sin wheres a mask of insecurity and pride, even power and selfishness. Jesus took these sins to the cross. Stop taking them down and putting them again.

For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Matthew 11:30

Related Reading:

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/i-gave-sex-three-years-ago-heres-what-happened

Standard
Gender Issues, Men, open letter, Quick Read, Uncategorized, Women

FW: Screw Off, Feminists: An Open Letter to Men from a Real Woman

th

From Louder with Crowder. I couldn’t resist sharing!

“Dear Men,

Everyday there’s news/outrage about the latest female tragedy, the “war on women” the #SJW feminist women, the body-shaming women. Then there’s “rape culture” and “male privilege,” and “micro-agression.” Seems to me, if you’re a man in this world, there’s nothing you can do right. If you tell a woman to smile, you’re a sexist. If you tell a woman she’s pretty, you’re reducing her to just her looks. If you tell a woman she’s smart, you’re a sexist for being surprised that she’s smart and more than just her body. If you vocalize that you think a hot woman is hot… oh geez. Bar and lock the doors, the feminists will stab you with their steely knives.

Well as a woman (yeah, it’s Courtney Kirchoff here, not Steven Crowder), here’s something you need to know: women love men. For being men.

Okay, several feminist keyboards have been reduced to dust. Chicas are hammering their keys like the old cavemen hammered their women before dragging them into the cave. Oh that right there? Joke. I know you feminists don’t think it’s funny. Nothing to you is funny. That’s why it’s funny.

Yes, I know you’re out there, SJW feminists. You’re going to call me a bitch. You’re going to call me a sell-out. You’re going to say I’m an ignorant this, that, and plenty of other four and five letter words because I dared to write “women love men,” despite the glaring proof women do love men. Proof? The perpetuation of the species. You know, men and women getting together, doing the deed, having and not aborting their babies. I can hear you all yelling, “PATRIARCHY” and “RAPE,” out there. Yell and scream and stomp all you want. I don’t care. Background noise.

This letter is for the men who go out and do. Who build, who create, who pursue excellence, who make the world a little better by being unapologetic MEN. I’m not talking to the jerks and the creeps. They get too much attention and they do NOT represent all men. Okay? Okay.

Sorry guys, I had to address those harpies first, because they’re shrill and annoying. Where was I? Right, women love men.

Millions of women, myself included, celebrate you guys for being dudes. We may joke about how you annoy us with your one-thing-at-a-time focus, but we love that too. Life is simpler and better with you in it. We love how you say what you mean. You’re uncomplicated, straightforward, and easy to talk to. And we usually don’t have to issue disclaimers before we do speak with you…so thanks for that.

We appreciate that you want to protect women. Despite what all the feminists say, millions of us know you care for women. We know you would pound a punk into the ground if he tried messing with us. We know you love children and want to protect them. We know you want to call your daughters “princesses,” and you’re not being patriarchal when you do.

We celebrate your ambition. One of my favorite qualities in a man is his drive to be his best. He likes to take risks because he likes to push his limits and test his strength. He likes to be challenged both in his career and in his personal pursuits. Every day he is working to better himself to be a greater man than he was before.

We love your competitive drive. Women might mock you for needing to “out do” the other guys, but *this* woman at least, enjoys it. What’s life without a little competition? Thanks for the sarcastic back and forth, for trying to one-up your buddy at the gym. Rock on. We’ll watch and cheer you on. But you better win…

We love your self-deprecating humor and how you want to make us laugh. This one should be self-evident, but sadly it’s not. Even when we don’t want to be cheered up, you still try. You’re a soldier who loves his woman. Even if your woman gives you “the look” I’d like to think that deep down she’s not plotting to smother you with a pillow when you snore; she’s appreciating your good humor. Okay, maybe she wishes you didn’t snore so much. Hey, she’s human, too.

Oh SJWs, give it a rest. Are all men like the ones I’m describing? No. But a lot of men are, and not everything is about you and your micro-agressions and fat-shaming. Stop taking up all the attention, this shouldn’t be about you.

Ahem.

We love how you pursue us when you like us, and we like you. Three feminist’s brains just exploded right there. Yes, men, we LIKE IT when you call us. We like it when you show us how much you care for us by actively pursuing us, even when you have us (7 more feminist brains have exploded). We like it when you open the door and treat us like queens. We like it when you make the plans, when you have direction.

So guys, when you’re constantly bitch-slapped by the loud, modern feminists for “man-spreading,” or whatever other new term they’re going to pull out of their uptight butts, know that millions of women cherish you for exactly who you are: Men. The world is a better place with men in it. Yes. I WROTE THAT. Millions of us support you. We support your careers. We support your choices. We love you for being masculine, and we celebrate you for it.

Now go chop some wood and make us a fire.

~Written by Courtney Kirchoff”

http://louderwithcrowder.com/opinion-dear-men-women-actually-love-you-
0for-being-men/ 11-27-15

Standard
Men, Women

Doing Single Well

I’m not an expert in relationships. In fact, I’m sure a statistician could create a formula and generate some numbers to show that statistically speaking, I’m bad at them [relationships].

I haven’t been in many. They haven’t always lasted long. They’ve always failed. The guys? Umm… See Am I My Brother’s Keeper- I mention them briefly.

I’m not putting myself down. I’m being honest. I’m being Real. I’m not in the business of covering up my messes, my HOT messes. My walk with Christ in the most recent years, has revealed that those relationships/situationships were doomed from the beginning. Before they even started. Before a first kiss, a first glance. Doomed. Destined to fail.

tonygaskins

Since getting serious with God about three years ago, I have not been in a relationship. I have been single since May 2012.

I’m writing this piece as an expert at being single. A professional singleton. Here are my main tenets for being single, especially a “Christian” single:

  1. Know Yourself

Outside of and apart from some dude or chick, who are you really? Outside of trying to impress a potential lover. Apart from trying to win the affection and validation of another person. Visualize your life in the future or even now. What do you want in it?

Eventually and God willing, I want a husband. I want the boyfriend that will be the fiance, that will the husband, that will be the father of my children. I’d like to move out of my city to a smaller community on the outskirts. I’d like to home-school my children while they are young. I’d like to have a home that is accommodating enough that we can invite friends and family over for holidays and special occasions. I’d like to continue serving Christ and have a husband that does the same. I’d like to raise children against the grain. I’d also like to become a foster parent of older teens.

This is me. This is what I want for my life. You either want the same or you don’t.
steveharvey

What don’t I want? Dysfunction. I detest dysfunction. I need someone that is just as committed as I am to living a life free of dysfunction.

If a guy doesn’t want to be my husband or the father of my children, he is not for me. If he is not committed to destroying the dysfunction in himself, he is not for me. If he chooses to not give his heart to Jesus Christ, he is not for me.

I’m seeing too many people trying to Churchify and Christianize some dude or chick they’re fooling around with. If you’ve already sinned with this person, what makes you think you can flirt or seduce them into coming to church with you and that somehow makes it all Right? Your attempt at fooling God is futile. He sees your deeds and sees your heart. Stop trying to validate, justify and impress yourself with all your church dates.

Some ladies need to know there are guys that will come to church with you as long as they think its one step closer to getting in your bed.

usher

God says that He knew you before you were born. Jeremiah 1:5

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14

“I am God’s child.
Galatians 3:26

I am Jesus’ friend.
John 15:15

I am a whole new person with a whole new life.
2 Corinthians 5:17

I am a place where God’s Spirit lives.
1 Corinthians 6:19

I am God’s Incredible work of art.
Ephesians 2:10

I am totally and completely forgiven.
1 John 1:9

I am created In God’s likeness.
Ephesians 4:24

I am spiritually alive.
Ephesians 2:5

I am a citizen of Heaven.
Philippians 3:20

I am God’s messenger to the world.
Acts 1:8

I am God’s disciple-maker.
Matthew 28:19

I am the salt of the earth.
Matthew 5:13

I am the light of the world.
Matthew 5:14

I am greatly loved.
Romans 5:8”

http://www.christianitytoday.com/iyf/faithandlife/devotionals/what-does-bible-say-about-me.html

You are who God says you are. Not what some dude or chick said. If your ego is getting fluffed up by “You’re hot” and “Hey Sexy,”… You Are in Danger. If your love tank is getting filled up by fornication, You’re On Your Death Bed.

I tell you this from experience. See The Purge. I tell you this to help open your eyes Wide and snap you into reality. God is on His way back to Earth. What do you want to get caught doing when He arrives?

Confession: In God’s strength, I have been abstinent for over two years. It can be done. I’m serious about waiting until I’m married.
girldefined3
2. If Its Not From God, I Don’t Want It

Nowhere in the bible does God, Jesus or anyone else guarantee you a husband or wife. You’ll have to prepare yourself to live a solo life. I ask God for a husband, but I don’t feel entitled to one. I ask God to prepare me to be a wife. God knows exactly who I’d like to be my husband. I pray for that person but I also tell God, “If its someone else, I’d be happy with that.” I preface a lot prayers with “If its your will…” I have relinquished all my Proverbs 7 ways. Look it up and read it well.

I continue to let God direct my path and move within me. I ask Him to mold me and shape me. Yes, guys catch my eye. Yes, I fantasize a little bit with the “what ifs” but I always stop myself and give it to God. I’ve apologized to God, “God, I’m sorry if I’m wanting [ fill in the blank guy] more than I’m wanting you.” You’ll have to get in the habit of giving people, fantasies, thoughts, feelings and ideas to God. Get in the habit of relinquishing your fleeting “control” over to the Master. You’re not entitled to a man or woman, not entitled to have sex. We are to be living pure Holy lives. So get used to denying your flesh, dying to yourself. If you believe its your Right to have a “physical release” you’re mocking God. Eve thought she had a Right to eat the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge.

I continue to give moments to God, continue to press into Him. Continue to do things His way not mine. Mine leads to Heartache, Confusion, Insecurity, Rejection and Darkness.

3. Be Smart

I describe myself as a strategic person. The steps I take, no matter how small will lead to my end goal. Each step is leading me in the direction I want to go. Where are your steps leading you?

girldefined4

If you want a job, you get up, look and apply for jobs. You go to the interview, accept a job offer, then show up when you’re supposed to. However, some people think jobs fall out of the sky while you lay on the couch in your underwear watching the Steve Harvey show and eating Lucky Charms.

Being smart, means taking responsibility for your actions and choices. At some point, you’re going to have to accept responsibility for your poor choices. You chose to have sex with someone not committed to you. Someone you’ve known for about 5 minutes. Someone that is not seeking Christ. Someone that doesn’t take your choices seriously. You’re upset because they don’t care about your relationship with Jesus? You’re upset they don’t see the point in honoring God? You’re upset because they don’t care to understand the turmoil you feel when you sin? You chose to sin with them and are upset they aren’t upset? And you wonder why they look at you like you’re crazy!

I firmly believe there are times you can only love certain people from a distance. You may “want” this person badly, and even for the Right reasons- to Glorify Christ in the final Outcome. Lord, if we ended up together, Lord, if he gave his heart to you- it would be for your Glory! Happily Ever After, The End.
feelings1

Not always. Not exactly. I will continue to choose Jesus day in and day out, despite getting the things or people I want. There’s more to life, than lovers and spouses. I choose to honor God in not coveting what isn’t mine. If you’re longing desperately for some dude or chick, check you heart. Is you’re longing for that person replacing your longing for your Creator?

I do my best to keep drama away. I do my best to play it smart and make sure I get the results I’m looking for. I no longer have the energy to confuse myself with my poor choices and want the other person to “understand me.” God knew sex was deep stuff. He knew it was binding. He knew it was powerful. He knew that outside of His protection (marriage) it could destroy people. It could cause chaos and emotional havoc. If you continue to be unhappy single and feel entitled to have “someone, ” to engage someone sexually- you are not playing it smart.
girldefined
These are my tenets. Lessons I’ve learned in terrible ways. I sharing this with you in hopes it will make sense to you and you will get your heart Right with God.

 

 

Standard
Men

Response: Why Men Aren’t Really Men Anymore

I found an article on Elite Daily and decided to post it along with my commentary. My comments are in bold and I also blocked out a couple of words for decency.

gkvh

Why Men Aren’t Really Men Anymore

There was once a time when men used to be real men. When they dressed with style, when they had a certain honor code they followed that involved treating not only their elders and each other with respect, but women alike. Unfortunately, those days are far- gone — a thing of the past. What we have now is… to be quite honest, I’m not sure.

*You have Manboys. Or Boymen. Boys that have not been required to grow up and become men. They have been rewarded by women (which usually was a big motivator) for their perpetual boyhood. With the rise of the Independent Woman and feminism, women everywhere don’t want a guy to pay for their dates. Women now believe that sex and money are the great equalizers.

There are of course certain men out there who still have their affairs in order, but we are few in number. What people are most often subject to is the company of boys who are refusing to grow up and man up — boys who prefer to play with their toys than to do their part in bettering society, the human race and the world as a whole. These poor excuses for men have the bodies of adults and the mentalities, as well as the social outlook of toddlers. Horny toddlers, but toddlers nonetheless.

*Back in the day, men had to have a house to bring a wife home to. He had to ask her parents if he could marry her. It wasn’t a tradition, it was a real thing. He had to show her parents that he could take care of her, that he had somewhere for her to live and that he had a profession that would generate a livelihood. A man didn’t bring his wife to his parent’s home to live as a quartet. As a man, you leave your father and mother and start your own family. A different household. With cohabitation as the norm, so many of us verging 30somethings are apartment dwellers. Men are no longer cleaning out gutters, mowing the lawn and raking the leaves because well, that’s what the maintenance crew is for. Men have more time to sit around and think they still have time.

It’s all about character — or in this case, the lack of character. Something has been happening during this era dubbed the “information age.” Social media platforms have taken away the need to interact face to face, taking away the need for actual interaction. This is great in many regards: you can now keep in touch with friends and family all over the world from a handheld device.

*I believe social media has allowed us to create personas of ourselves. There’s many people I see sharing quotes about God, then sharing quotes from Facebook pages like Boss B****. Raunchy jokes, memes that condemn dead-beat dads, then quotes talking about what a “real relationship” is. Everyone wants to look good on social media, buts it’s what is in the heart that really shines through the surface. You can claim to a mature person but when you go straight to venting online and typing out cuss words, your true colors show. It also creates superficial interactions. Your true character will not be formed through social media interactions, it will be formed through your real struggles in life. Who are you when no one is looking? What decisions are you making when no one can see? Who are without your timeline? What would you have in your life without your social media accounts?

However, much of the interpersonal confrontations are now also taking place online. People no longer feel that they have a need to meet in person to discuss their differences; they can now troll each other online. People are using the Internet as a shield, hiding behind IP addresses in order to speak their minds. The Internet acts like beer-muscles. It makes you believe that you are stronger than you actually are, making you more aggressive. There is nothing wrong with being aggressive when circumstances require it.

Personally, when my fight or flight response mechanism kicks in, I always go with fight. It’s not by choice; it’s just the way that I am wired. Online, people have no need to run away because they are already in hiding — so they always choose to “fight.” Although the fighting they do is just about as significant as the fighting I do when I play Call of Duty.

The same interaction from beneath cover can be seen when we look at the intercommunication between men and women. It is no secret that both men and women alike have sexual urges. Men, however, feel the need to get off more often than most women. So instead of having to spend the time to meet a real woman and have actual sexual intercourse, they watch porn.

Instead of going out into the real world and meeting women, they stalk women on Instagram. People now date online as well. It’s much easier to talk to a woman online than it is in person—or rather, it’s not that it’s easier. Both are just as easy, but for some reason, men now prefer to hide their faces behind their monitors. (Every time I use the term ‘men’ in such context I quiver) It’s out of fear and laziness. Men have become lazy  I don’t even want to use the word  because it brings to mind women, who nowadays have much more character than men.

*I have been the lucky gal that discovered the fact that some guys just want a Facebook relationship or a Texting relationship. These are relationships where you text or message each other and even send cute pics. You may really enjoy and like the person, however, without a phone or other device your relationship is basically non-existent. Somehow, many people seem to enjoy such arrangement. They don’t really have to participate. No one has to “make time” for someone else. You can keep your daily routine full intact. Why do you think Catfishing is a thing? You get to engage but keep your real-self untouched.
As a teenager, not everyone had a cell phone. You had to actually call a person on their house-phone and ask to speak with them. You had to work up the nerve to follow through without hanging-up after the second ring. You had to work out all the kinks of your brain-to-mouth process and practice your social skills.

To get to know someone you liked, you actually had to hang-out with them. You had to go over their house after school or on the weekend to sit paranoid on their couch and just be very thirsty until they finally offered you something to drink. Now, we rarely experience these situations because we spend so much time behind our screens. My first boyfriend, would walk roughly 7 miles from his house to see me after school. It also wasn’t uncommon for him to walk from his house to mine roughly 6 miles to see me. Now, guys expect you to find a way to come to their place “just to kick it.” Are you serious?

As a teen, I remember friends of mine had to live under phone rules. Boys were not allowed to call them at all. To talk to a boy on the phone another girl would have to call and ask for her then give the phone to the boy. Other rules included no phone calls after a certain time. As teens, we thought these rules were ridiculous. But now I see, it creates boundaries and a requirement of respect.

But now, everyone has a cell phone. Everyone is accessible 24/7. The text notification appeals to our senses and gives us the illusion that something important is on the other side of that chime. A 2am text can seem exciting. Watching those three dots quiver while the guy you like is typing you a message can keep us engaged for hours. But what about the excitement of getting familiar with that person’s mannerisms and inflection in their voice?

Or the excitement of just sitting next to your crush? The thrill of just holding hands? Men, there is so much excitement to be had if only you’d muscle up your dormant courage and speak to me in person.

Generation-Y is the instant gratification generation. We want what we want right at the moment we figure out that we want it. We are willingly giving up one of the most important things in life: the waiting period. Having to wait and having to deal with our urges and wants without instantly having them satisfied is what builds character and is what we are now lacking in this fast-paced age.

If we want food, we order it online and have it delivered. If we want to listen to our favorite song, we find it on YouTube, iTunes or Spotify. If we want to watch a movie, we either buy it on demand or stream it online. If we want sex, we masturbate. If we want to have a good time, we do drugs. We have this false belief that doing things faster will give us a life more fulfilled — that it will lead to us being happier. But that isn’t the case. Most of us aren’t happier. We do more, but we experience less. We are never in the moment because we are always considering what we will be doing next in order to not become bored.

*I believe we are a generation of “keeping our options open.” We don’t like to commit to too much. Our plans change constantly with ongoing text messages, group texts and event invites we are constantly engaging and disengaging. We sit behind our screens once again and judge the level of fun to be had should we choose to attend an offer to causal get some coffee to a themed party at a club to your cousin’s baby shower. Decisions need to be made. If you’re really stuck-up you attend none of them because the perceived level of fun is well below your standard. It’s not a far stretch then to imagine taking this attitude into relationships. People are trying on others for size and exchanging you for someone else that fits better. Of course there the cliché that you shouldn’t settle for just anyone. Committing to someone is not settling. Our generation is afraid of commitment. How can you commit when you can see endless profiles of millions of others all around the world. It definitely creates a sense of “I have options” if the fun level in your current fling has died down.

Character is most often built during those moments between activities, during moments of solitude and reflection. Men no longer feel the need to pause and reflect because the options for whatever it is they want are only a click away. The options are endless and therefore we never truly experience disappointment.

We never really feel that we are missing out on something because we no longer give things much importance. Jackie never got back to your text message? I’m sure you have several other women in your contacts that you’d equally like to  — once. Then you’ll get bored and move on to the next one. Men treat women like interchangeable commodities. I do believe that most men still hope to one day fall in love and settle down. But none of them will unless they change their way of thinking and living.

*There a few fellas that come to mind here. These men have no problem playing the field and welcoming different women into their bedrooms. In the back of their mind, they do want to find “the right one.” They do believe in a day they will *be* married and have children. However, they don’t seem realize their bad habits now will not transfer them to their ideal destination. How could you ever master fidelity when you can’t go 60 days without sex? How can you be sure you will be a great father when you refuse to date a women that already has children? Its like a little leaguer expecting to win the World Series by next summer and they never went to weekly practice. I’m so sorry, you will not win the big game.

When you’re married a text message to your wife to “come over” will not work. You’re going to have to build your brain to sustain a marriage.

Being focused on self-satisfaction will lead to nothing but broken relationships. Real men are not selfish. Real men are just as concerned for the feelings, needs and minds of women as they are for their own — not just women’s bodies and their sexual usefulness. Real men have a well-defined code of ethics and respect that they follow.

How can anyone call himself a man if the last time he had to confront another man — whether it be over a social incident or for business purposes — was before he hit puberty? If you don’t have the twiddle-diddles to approach a woman at a bar in person and have a proper, intellectual conversation, making the woman feel respected and comfortable, then move over for the real men.

*My next statement will make a feminist cringe. I would like to be able to have the option of “going to get my husband” or be able to say “wait ‘til I tell my husband” knowing that my husband will be able to bring the level of testosterone needed to handle some things. Do you get what I’m saying? There are some men that will on respect another man, and I’m going to need a man that can handle these types of people. If you’re not that type of man, please move to the end of the line.

It’s awful because women are becoming accustomed to such boys and believing that these pansies are all that is left of our sex. Some great women are settling for these fools and then finding that they themselves have no choice but to wear the pants in the family because their “man” is PMSing. All I can hope for is that the law of evolution will see the world rid of these weaklings, these characterless, hopeless pseudo-men.

Ladies… real men do exist; there aren’t many of us, but we’re survivors and will be around for a while. Come find us.

mbthjd

RelatedReading:                                                                                                                                                  http://elitedaily.com/life/culture/why-men-arent-really-men-anymore/

http://www.gurl.com/2014/02/06/worst-most-annoying-texts-guys-send-how-to-respond/#7

Standard