Quick Read, The Cross, video

Sola Gratia: will you testify?

 

 

Tonight I shared this message at my work place during a monthly celebration of the guests in our recovery program. Last month, after the celebration I typed up this message and had the idea to play this music video in the background to illustrate my main points. I know that God has messages in me, I just have to step up and out to share them. The following is my message I shared.

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****I thought I had a unique way of thinking about God and Jesus for some time, then Justus came out with this video and it brought it to a whole other level.

I have a vision of the court room. I’m/we’re the defendant sitting on the right side. The county attorney is on the left. The judge is in front of us on his bench.

Many of you know this scene and what it feels like. Your life is in someone else’s hands. You’re not sure what the outcome will be. Hoping you got a “good” judge. Hoping your attorney has done the best for you. A lot is on the line.

Maybe it was a very public high profile case. Maybe it was your first time facing a judge. Your family might have your back or they deserted you already. No one can bail you out and your friends are nowhere to be found. You’re having to stand on your own and face the consequences.

Many people know of God the Father as a Judge. He will judge us all on Judgement Day. But most leave it as that. God is a judge. God judges me. It doesn’t matter what I do, we’re all doomed. So what’s the point?

In my career, I’ve been an unofficial and official advocate. I’ve gone to court with people to offer support and encouragement. That’s what an advocate does. The Holy Spirit is our advocate. The bible calls him our Advocate in John 14:26. The Holy Spirit is on your right side holding you up when you’re not strong enough.

But on your left, you have the greatest attorney ever, Jesus.

In fact, if you see it the way I’ve come to see it – its that God tipped the scales of justice in favor of us by sending us Jesus. We’ve sinned against God so we can’t go to Heaven but He gave us Jesus so that we can go to Heaven to be with Him.

Can you imagine going to court tomorrow, and your attorney is the judge’s son? Wouldn’t you feel pretty good? I know that God the Father has the same heart for you that Jesus his son does. God the Judge has the same heart for you that Jesus the attorney does.

Jesus approaches the Judge in the court of heaven, as Satan the Accuser (that’s in the bible too) approaches the Judge and accuses you of all the things you’ve done. He tells God you’re a liar, an adultery, fornicator, thief, idolater, murderer etc. He hates you. Jesus stands before the
Father,
I know this man. I know this woman. This is my Friend
my brother
This is my sister
She loves me. He loves me. I can vouch for him. I know her heart. She’s clean. He’s repented. I’ve cleansed them.

Knowing that your attorney is the judge’ son, do you see how the Accuser has nothing on you? At best all he can do is accuse. If you give your life to Christ, and follow Christ and let the Holy Spirit dwell on the inside of you— you will be washed CLEAN. The Accuser will have no case against you. He will not have any evidence. God the Father didn’t have to send someone to take our charge, to take our punishment. But HE LOVED US SO MUCH HE STILL WANTED US EVEN AFTER ALL WE”VE DONE TO GRIEVE HIM. DESPITE THE SORROW HE FEELS TIME AFTER TIME BECAUSE WE BECOME HIS FOES. HE STILL WANTS US. HE DOESN’T WANT TO LISTEN TO THE ACCUSER. SO WHY DO WE LISTEN TO HIM? When Christ let out, “It is finished.” That’s what he meant. The accuser is finished. Shame is finished. Self Harm is finished. Self hate is finished. He took all of that. He took our sins to the Cross but also the pain, the infliction, the wounds of the heart and mind.

All of this stuff already happened. These are facts and truth. All we have to do is RECEIVE this Truth. Do you now why Jesus came? Most will say to save us, that’s part of it. But in his own words to Pilate, the regional leader of the Roman empire, just before Jesus was sentenced to a crucifixion, Pilate asked Jesus if he was a king. Jesus tells him, “ …in FACT, the reason I was born and came into this world is to testify to the truth. Everyone on the side of truth listens to me.” John 18:37

Jesus-before-Pilate

He came to testify ( def: give evidence as a witness in a court of law, serve as proof of something existing, something being the case) to the truth.
Will you stand with Jesus and testify to the Truth? Will you stop listening to the lies of the Accuser?

–Prayer:

Jesus, I want to receive you as Truth, please show me how. I want to reject the Accuser’s lies, please show me how. Your will not mine. In Jesus name, Amen.

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hookup culture, Men, sex, The Cross, Uncategorized, Women

The Ties that Bind…

Rejection. Fear. Insecurity. Judgement. Inner Vows. Soul Ties. Shame. Identity. Sex. Freedom.

Please allow me to take you on a bit of a personal journey with me. I have just about always been a Christian but I became a Christ follower six years ago. You can scroll back in this blog and read for yourself the different landmarks of my journey from fornicating-party girl to celibate-small group leading-church girl. I have some links set up to help fill you in as I explain some things I have recently learned. After going through yet another transformative conference at a local church, (the same one I mention in a Lonely Girl’s Cry) more things have stood out to me.

First, it has been a quest to break a particular soul tie in my life. It started 10 years ago with a sinful situationship (The Purge). Although I’ve been healed since then and been celibate for five and a half years, there’s always been a pining in my heart for that person. Despite logic. Regardless of the prayers I have prayed for and against the desire. It’s been a secret to most. While recently watching The Heart of Man, as per the assignment in the online Journey into The Heart of Man curriculum, something one of the storytellers said was like a clue left for me to find. The person defined infatuation as: a projection of a fantasy onto another person. This is not how I have defined infatuation. This definition opened my eyes to see that is what I have done. My fantasy is what has kept me in the pursuit. The pastor teaching on soul ties explained we stay tied to a person through the physical, soul or spirit. The definition of soul (mind, will and emotions) was jumping off the page screaming for me to find yet another clue. I kept repeating mind, will, emotions, mind, will, emotions… will, will, will. The Holy Spirit allowed me to see that I kept myself attached to that person because I have put my will over God’s will. My mind and emotions have not been attached to that person in years but my will is what has remained attached. I see it so clearly now that I have willed this attachment into existence. Even to the point of making an inner vow and actually to God, “the only way I will stop wanting him is if he gets married or gets someone pregnant.” Now if this isn’t a bold declaration of my will to Yahweh, I don’t know what is. This is me telling God I will do my will first, then I will consider Yours. Sadly, I have yet to repent of this disobedience since coming to the realization. This is the first time I’m realizing what a terrible mistake I have made. I knew I was making an idol of that person and could tell you that I’ve apologized to God for thinking of that person more than HIM. But not only did I make that person an idol but obviously now I see I made an idol of myself. When we place our will above God’s will, we are making gods of ourselves. I for sure will be repenting of this.

Second, in Its Different for Girls, I wrote, “In front of him I was sand through his fingers. I wanted him to give me form.” During the session on Identity, this quote came to mind. I wanted him to give me form. That is very telling of the condition my heart used to be in. I could see that at one time I had been seeking significance through him. That is why I took the rejections so harshly. I used to imagine when you go to the produce section at the grocery store and you start picking up fruit. I felt like the apple that gets picked up for a couple of seconds but after a brief examination, its deemed unworthy to be purchased and taken home. Just a nobody apple. Nothing special. A faceless forgettable nobody. When we seek our identity in something other than Christ that is what we are led to see, a faceless forgettable nobody. There is nothing life giving outside of God’s will. Outside of God’s will there is no hope only despair.

Third, it stood out to me very clearly that I had held a judgement against that person. Throughout the conference we were given the task to keep track of anything (sins, memories, etc) we wanted to lay at the Cross on a blank paper in the workbook. After the session on Judgements, I wrote on the blank page, “Judgement- [man’s name]- is a selfish jerk.” Throughout that session the Holy Spirit was leading me to this truth: you only saw him as a selfish-jerk, through the lens of your rejection and insecurity, he was just another person living his life. Now I could recount all the details, replay conversations and words spoken, actions done which would lead you to determine that Yes, he was a selfish-jerk and poor me. However, within the massive context of my whole life and his whole life, we were people that collided and bruised one another, because we are broken humans. I projected my fear, insecurity and rejection onto him and it was a very real feeling to me. Every text ignored, every sexual encounter left open like a gaping wound in my heart left me with extreme feelings and racing thoughts. What I experienced was real but it was not the Truth of who I was, who he was or of what was taking place. I’m sure he is a good man. He most likely has a good heart, something I couldn’t see simply because all I could see was someone rejecting me and simply because he never showed it to me. I often tell women on my caseload that “most people, most of the time do not have ill intentions,” it us that perceive things differently than what may be actually happening. I want to emphasize that we must examine our hearts constantly to make sure we are seeing people for who God says they are, not who we tally them up to be.

Here’s where it gets interesting, before I attended this conference, I had a dream on October 21st. I woke up feeling strange. As my mind was warming up for the day, the pieces of my dream were coming together. I had dreamed that that person died. In my dream, I had read it in a newspaper article. I was trying to confirm it by finding a local newspaper article or asking people. When I woke up I went online to research what a death in a dream could mean. Some sites talked about transformation, re-birth, new life changes. I stopped there. I felt that God was speaking to me to say that the situation was dead and to leave at that. God was ending it for me. Since having this dream and discovering all these missing pieces, I know that it truly is up to me to lay my will aside. When I’m tempted to use my will to tie a shoestring back onto that person, it will be my conscious choice to do so or not.

God gave us free will to choose. He never said you’ll get to choose between two easy things. I’m finding out that our choices are usually between the deepest pit or the tallest mountain. Both look frightening. We often chase our temptations with vigor but pursue freedom as if we have already lost. We do a lack luster trot instead of a full run as if our life depends on reaching the finish line. I’m no runner, my goal for a 5k is to finish is under an hour. I have to change. We are a new creation in Christ. There should be nothing that resembles my old life, not even my inner life.

Lastly, it’s easy for some Christians to get freedom in some areas of their life but still remain shackled in other areas. I’m not one of those Christians, or at the very least, I maintain a firm hope that I will take as much freedom that God will allow. I believe Freedom isn’t given, it’s taken. It’s not given by those that hurt or oppress us. It’s taken from Alpha and Omega. Just like Grace is a free gift from the God that loves us, so is Freedom. Just as we exchange ashes for beauty, we can exchange bondage for freedom. You may find my statement freedom isn’t given, its taken…freedom is a free gift (which is implied a gift is given) as contradictory. I don’t see it as a contradiction. When you look at oppressed people throughout history or now, so often the oppressed outnumber the oppressors. Quite often those in bondage are shackled by nonphysical chains, but shackled by mental and emotional chains. Spiritual, financial are some others.

“As a man was passing the elephants, he suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at any time, break away from their bonds but for some reason, they did not.

He saw a trainer nearby and asked why these animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away. “Well,” trainer said, “when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it’s enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.

The man was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn’t, they were stuck right where they were.”

The elephant in the story thinks his freedom depends on those that tie the ropes but if the elephant knew that it was an Elephant with tree trunks for legs, it would exert just enough strength to pull that rope off of the spike.
If you knew that you were a Child of God, you could exert enough strength and praise to pull the shackles off the enemy’s vine.

The very last activity of the conference is a prayer tunnel, the pastors and leaders anoint you with oil and pray over you as you walk through with your eyes closed. You most often don’t remember everything that was said nor does anyone praying over you actually know what is going on in your inner life. However, the first thing that was said over me was straight from Heaven. A pastor said “bring freedom others.” As this was spoken to me, I immediately united with God to take this as the other part of my calling. (Read more in Be Brave). I’m called to free the captives and fortify the weak.

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Must Watch: The Heart of Man film- https://heartofmanmovie.com/

My current reading: Unwanted by Jay Stringer- http://jay-stringer.com/

Worship: New Wine- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbJaM_EneMw&list=RDQbJaM_EneMw&start_radio=1

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Quick Read, The Cross

Its Not About You

Your calling is not for you. Your testimony is not for you. Your deliverance is not for you. All these are for the King.

Theres someone that needs you to do what God called you to do. Theres someone waiting for you to show up where God told you to go. Theres someone that needs to hear your story.  Someone needs to know freedom is possible.

After awhile you should’ve realized this whole thing is not about you. This is God’s story. How He created the heavens and Earth. Its the story of how He loved us and wanted us to purposefully choose Him, how He never stopped coming for us. Its His story inside and out. He is the producer, director,  script writer, set design, musical score, sound guy and leading man. We are just the extras in the background, but He knows us by name, individually, intimately and uniquely.

Accepting this truth is the greatest self- actualization. The achievement of one’s own potential through God, Jesus and Holy Spirit.

When you take yourself out of the equation theres freedom to live as God intended. It takes the pressure off. If we fail, God is Good. If we succeed, God is Good. It was never about us anyway. We’ve gotten it all wrong reading Genesis first. We interpret God creating the heavens and Earth before us as Him creating it for us. This is not the case. Defining moments happened before us, before Genesis 2:7. This is God’s story and we should feel honored we get to be a part of it.

Isaiah 14:12-17 details satan forced out of Heaven. Luke 10:18 Jesus says He remembers seeing satan falling out of Heaven like lightening in the sky. This event predates our arrival in Eden.

There were acts taking place before and more to come after us. We are just players in Act II.  The backdrop of Genesis is to display God’s power, creativity, authority and love.

So if this story is not about us, what about Jeremiah 29:11? It is often quoted on anything from decor to coffee mugs,

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord , “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Isnt God saying we will be prosperous? That we will have great things happen to us? Isnt it saying God doesn’t want us to hurt or be uncomfortable? Typically this is the verse that makes us feel good about our future. No matter where we find ourselves in life, this truth stands the test of time to give us assurance that God is for us not against us. However, we mistakenly interpret this verse to mean God will cosign on our plans or that our plans and God’s plans are a match. Even further, that we will recognize and agree with His plans. Some can take this to mean that if I feel harmed or feel that I am not prosperous  (by human definition or an American definition) then it must not be of God. If I’m suffering (even by my own hand, facing the consequences of my sins, facing the after-math of my own poor decision making, or by the sins of others, the poor decision making of others) then this must not be God’s plan.

Because this is God’s story He is gracious enough to give us all almost 100 years to get in line. The average lifespan for humans is 79. Of course many people live longer and we celebrate those that reach over 100 years old. So what do we have to show for those 80 years?

The most miserable people I know are those that are solely focused on themselves. They cannot fully empathize with others, are rarely interested in others (unless they are comparing themselves with another person), they rarely inconvenience themselves for others, they are extremely deflated in the presence of others, they dont function efficiently amongst others. When we are so self-focused we will become anxious, depressed and hopeless. We are imperfect subjects, if you refuse to admit that and take it to the Cross- you will be miserable. Because what hope can you have knowing how imperfect you are? That it is a huge bummer. You are actually heirs to the Messiah, the only divine human that transcended the human limitations of death. If you really knew deep inside the cells of your body that you were Loved beyond human understanding by a cosmic intergalactic Source wouldn’t you be emboldened to give this life your best shot? Knowing whether you win or lose, You still Win! We win because its not about us! We win because God is Good!

God gives us victory.                                     He opens doors.                                             He provides.                                                    He protects.                                                    He gives.                                                         He loves supernaturally.

When things don’t go your way, they’re most likely going God’s way. Submit to it and keep it push’n. Get out of God’s way and there is where you’ll find peace.

 

Related Reading:

https://relevantmagazine.com/life5/god-doesnt-want-live-comfort-zone/

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1574103102653871&id=191900549668

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The Cross, Transformation, video

Sevin of H.O.G.M.O.B.G.O.M.

 

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Sevin

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The Cross, Transformation

the Purge

[to clear of something unclean or unwanted. to remove or eliminate. to rid (a person or thing) of something unwanted.]

I write this with hesitation. I don’t really want to write my story for all to see. Though the theme has saturated itself in my journals for years now. I am just Beautifully Broken. Put together on the outside. Adorned with lovely things. But inside this house, there is a dark room. A dark room where my soul has died more than once.
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There were times in my life that I walked into this dark room, gave the keys to someone else and allowed them to lock me inside. I became hurt, angry and bitter. Sometimes, they’d leave the keys in arms reach. After long periods of time, I’d take the keys and let myself out. I would give away the keys again and go back inside the room. Cry myself to sleep and ask myself Why does this happen to me?

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.
And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.  For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. Romans 7:15-20

Finding this in the Bible was life changing for me. I was stuck on super-UNfun rollercoaster,  a merry-go-round of confusion, rejection, disappointment, heartache. I may have switched from the white pony to the giraffe to the zebra or even a unicorn, but it was the same ride. I AM NOT CRAZY. I AM CRAZY. I used to tell myself, I’m smart, I’m rational, why cant I figure this out? What is wrong with me?

If youre familiar with the Myers Briggs personality types, I am a INTJ. Introvert-Intuitive-Thinking-Judging. I needed to figure this out. I needed to find the problem and solve it. I needed it to make sense. But I could not make sense of my pattern of having sex with someone I knew did not care for me, value me, respect me, or love me. I could not make sense of walking right into the burning fire and being horrified at the 3rd degree burns. I could not understand my preaching, “I’m not your night-time plaything anymore” only to find myself in his bed yet again. My overwhelming insecurity drowning me two days later like clockwork. All the texts messages and phone calls that never came, that still haven’t because in a very twisted way, I am still waiting.
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Words unspoken, misunderstood texts, and consuming thoughts have turned to prayers but often I don’t know why I’m praying or who I’m really praying for. Me? Him? My prayers have been for God to take this away. For God to just take me away. For God to open his heart to me. For God to just open his heart to anyone. For God to snatch him up and run faster than he is running from Him. For God to come and fill me like I want to be filled by him.  They fluctuate and alleviate. I change my mind about 30 times a day. Another year is about to pass by and still this IT remains.

Its been a year and half since the last time, but I always analyze the years in between now and the beginning. When it began I was 21. This Elite Daily article sums up the state of mind I was in and how it all came to happen. They’re 6 Reasons Why You’re Only His Hookup, Not His Girlfriend caught me off guard this morning when I woke up. Reading through these main points had me feeling regretful.

  • You Enabled The Hook-Up Mentality
  • You Never Told Him What You Wanted
  • You Didn’t Make Him A Priority
  • You Ignore The Signs That He’s Emotionally Unavailable
  • Why Buy The Cow?
  • He’s Just Not That Into You

I enabled the hook-up mentality by trying to be the cool-independent, I Don’t Need a Man girl. I never told him what I wanted because I didn’t want to appear needy, and what if he says No? I didn’t make him a priority because I was afraid of getting to know someone that will hurt you anyway. I ignored the signs he was emotionally unavailable because I too, shut off my emotions. He didn’t want to commit because I never said he had to. Hes just never been that into me because if he wanted to be with me, he would.

Hard truths for sure. God can forgive you if you ask. Your life can change if you allow Him to change you. But some consequences remain. You will have to face problems you would not have had to face had you not sinned.

I receive frequent emails from a relationship-speaker of sorts after visiting his website and subscribing to the newsletter . In the email today, he discusses Common Mistakes Women Make When it Comes to Sex.

“Not saying anything about what it means for you to share yourself with him because you keep telling yourself that he feels the same way you do… and you assume he wants a relationship because he wants to sleep with you

· Not saying anything about your feelings or about wanting a relationship because you thought it might “weird him out” or make it awkward

· Not knowing exactly know how you feel and what sleeping with him will mean to you until AFTER you sleep with him and a whole rush of feelings hits you like a tidal wave

If you’ve ever felt hurt because you became physical with a man and he ended up not having an interest in dating or starting a relationship, then odds are you can look back and see that one or more of the above scenarios was at play.

Of course, it doesn’t seem like it’s you who is making a mistake in these situations. It feels like THE MAN you’re with is the one who obviously doesn’t get it, and is a player for not being ready for a relationship.”

This again had me feeling regretful. Being reminded of where I went wrong oh so many years ago. Being reminded of how far from close I am with that person. How I wish I hadn’t thought I could handle casual sex. Opening up to friends through the years, I always get the same look. A look of disbelief. No, not Liana. She’s the one that holds it together when everything else is falling apart. She’s got it going on. A degree, an admirable career field. She’s definitely not crazy. Smart, Beautiful, Strong. [I’m not bragging, I promise]. Maybe they say she could have anyone she wants. She could take her pick. Why is she stuck? Why can’t she see she’s worth it? I’ve given my friends the look and the same speech. Leave him alone. Don’t text him. You’re better than that. He’s not respecting you. You deserve much more. Its never made sense to me or them.
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So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God–through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.
Romans 7:21-25

What a wretched woman I am. Whats good in me is Christ. I do not have it all together. Jesus died on the cross for me. So I don’t have to be a slave to sin. A slave to hooking – up with a guy that has no love for me. A slave to insecurity and fear. A slave to madness. depression. self-sabotage. failure. Wars are raging against you and I. Ones we can’t always see until it’s too late and you realize you lost though you don’t recall ever enlisting in battle.
A year and a half of a type of sobriety. Everyday I fight thoughts that lead to a relapse. I desire so desperately to do the right thing. To honor God with my body and decisions. But the pull remains.

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“This can get to be a kind of relational cocaine. A woman gets to a place where she just can’t turn down the possibility of the sexual, emotional stroke that being with a man gives.”
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“Allowing a man to enjoy sexual favor without risking real commitment in marriage invites him to remain a boy inside.”
Paula Rinehart- Sex and the Soul of a Woman

“1. Know Yourself And What You’re After
You said, “I have made the mistake of admitting to a friend that I have feelings for him.”
It’s NOT a mistake to share your feelings with a man. It IS a mistake to share your feelings with a man 1) too early and 2) in a negative context.
You set yourself up for failure by choosing and “tolerating” a situation that just doesn’t work for you.
That situation is being “ok” with a purely physical situation when in fact you need – and want – more.
Instead of being open with yourself about what YOU are truly after, you pursued this “friends with benefits” strategy to get things moving.
That’s why you’re freaking out.
You thought you could handle it. You thought you’d get something out of it. And for a minute, it was fun.
But then your feelings snuck up on you. Eventually you were reminded of what you’re really after with a man and what you value.
Right now you have two pictures in your mind: One picture is of this “casual” thing going on. And the other one is what you actually want. The two pictures are so radically different and far apart from each other, that it’s no wonder you’re acting “insane.”
Your expectations are completely out of line for what you’re ACTUALLY doing with this guy.
It’s time to stop creating situations in your life that you KNOW won’t make you happy or comfortable in the long run – even if they feel good in the moment.
2. Find Your Personal Standards… And Then Stick With Them
Starting things with a man in this “casual” way, is a SUREFIRE way to ruin your odds of creating something more meaningful in the future.
I’m a guy. I know.
But, more importantly, getting into a “casual” situation with a man you might want to date more seriously and exclusively, has a VERY HIGH potential to make you FEEL AWFUL.
So…
Unless you’re one out of a hundred thousand women that gets “swept off her feet” by an open, caring, great communicator, who makes moving into a committed relationship effortless… then you’re going to have to start asking yourself some real questions about what you really want from your love life.
And once you have the answers, actually be honest about them from the start. Here’s an important question to ask yourself:
“What are my needs?”
And I do mean YOUR needs. Not his. Not what you’re accepting or tolerating or hoping to get from a man just because there’s nothing better around right now.
Be clear here and think it through. I’ll give you a minute…
Most of the women I know who are dating have a set of subconscious requirements from the men they’re seeing:
That any man they’re involved with, in any way, isn’t dating or still involved with another woman
That he’s open and ready to explore a serious relationship once they get to know each other
That they share the same values and priorities – or he can at least appreciate and support her values
That it’s going somewhere, and it’s not just going to be casual dating forever
But these aren’t things they are willing or able to communicate directly with the man they’re seeing. So, they end up in a situation that is anything but what they were looking for.
They say, “This is fine for now. I’m just enjoying myself.”
They are not being honest with themselves about their bottom-line “must-haves” and therefore can’t express these things to the man, either.
So, how in touch are you with your REQUIREMENTS to feel good when it comes to men and dating? And how do you communicate these to a man?
Do you do it indirectly by acting frustrated and angry when your needs aren’t being met, after you’ve already become intimate and emotionally vested in the relationship? Or do you do it directly and in a positive context as things are GETTING STARTED, so you’re in sync from the get-go?
Remember, 99% of the time, a man is NOT going to make the right decisions for you, or magically and telepathically recognize and meet all your needs.
Sticking to a set of minimum standards and then communicating those helps show a man what it’s going to take to make you happy.
3. Radically Reject Behavior That Doesn’t Meet Your Standards
I observed something fascinating about people and relationships a few years back.
When we’re in a situation that causes bad feelings and friction of some kind, there is always some kind of “payoff” for one or the other person… and that’s why they persist in sticking with the bad situation.
Here’s what you’re getting out of the “casual” thing…
You get a safe and risk-free path to get close to this guy. Even though technically you’re not “close” at all. I call this “working it from the ‘friend zone”.
After all, how vulnerable would you be if you shared what you REALLY were looking for up front, BEFORE you slept with him? You might be disappointed or rejected, or you would be unable to continue the “friendship” that you have right now.
And maybe having to start over alone might actually be worse in your mind than having something crappy and low-quality that you’re “tolerating” now.
But if you look deeper, you’ll probably see that your desire for something more was there all along underneath the surface. Therefore, I doubt that you could have been “just friends” with him anyway, even if you never slept together, without you feeling gypped in some way.
That’s why you have to show a man that you’re strong and you know what you want, and you won’t settle for scraps or second-best or “good enough for now.”
-Christian Carter

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Related Reading: http://elitedaily.com/dating/6-reasons-youre-hookup-girlfriend/869942/
http://elitedaily.com/dating/hookup-culture-non-relationship-generation-getting-nowhere/664654/
http://elitedaily.com/women/every-girl-one-guy-shell-always-go-back/939666/

Related Music: Tug of War by Andy Mineo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uubPjUhxAyQ
When I’m Alone by Lissie: http://youtu.be/7G0_eN36QVc

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The Cross

Feminism or Nah?

So welcome everyone to my new and first blog! To give you some background, I used to call myself a feminist. I took a Women’s Studies class in high school and many in college. Now I am almost 30 years old and I believe  in a differently ideology. One where someone else (not a woman) is at the forefront. *WHAT DID SHE JUST SAY? You read it right. The King of my heart is Jesus Christ and I am His child. If that makes me a frilly little princess than so be it. One second in His Kingdom is better than any century spent here on earth. Hopefully, my insights, observations, and analysis that I will present in this blog can begin to give you a glimpse of my transformation.  Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17. Oh No! That said “if any *man*…” I should reject the Bible, Jesus, Christianity, Church etc because its patriarchal and outdated! Exit now and Proceed to Feminism. Well looks like you got it figured out. Close out of this blog and keep ranting about Equal Pay and Rape Culture and any other hot trending topic whilst you sit around with your friends eating sushi and secretly wishing you were a Kardashian. This will be a forum for those that admit and agree the following:

1. I do not have it all together

2. I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired

3. There must be Something more to life

4. Happiness is not a destination

5. I’m am not in control of everything

6. The leaders of the Women’s Movement did not fight for twerking, the Hook-Up Culture, a woman’s right to perpetuate the sex industry, and other such abominations.

7. I believe that Men and Women are equally beautiful and deserve to be Respected and Loved.

8. I take responsibility for my emotions and decisions.

9. I do wish I could be involved in a healthy loving successful committed monogamous relationship with someone.

10. I respect the right to agree to disagree.

I believe the world is going to Hell in a designer bag and stilettos. I will use my creativity and writing pizazz to try illustrate how badly we all need Jesus and who He really is. Not just some white guy hipster with long hair during No-Shave November. To me, He is as real as you and me. God knew him in his mother’s womb just like he knew you and me. Before I formed you in the womb I knew you……Jeremiah 1:5. He was a Radical man. He was arrested and wasn’t on Death Row for long. He was humiliated and beaten relentlessly. Police Brutality on steroids. If it were today, there would be moral outrage. Jesus would have Gloria Allred, Johnnie Cochran, Mark O’Mara on the defense team. We would have watched CNN religiously *no pun intended.* Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton would provide non stop commentary. We would post pics #takingupmycross #freeJesus #wearecrucified.  Jesus would receive millions in emotional compensation. But instead they did kill him and all but three people went home that day. His body nailed with stakes to the cross. Blood dripping from everywhere. The point I leave you with today is that,

He did it all for YOU.

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