hookup culture, sex, Uncategorized

The Faux-Intimate Generation

As I was driving home from a work event I was listening to Clean by Natalie Grant. A memory came to the forefront and I figured I would have to write about it. I was trying to think of title but I didn’t like, “Don’t be a Cheapskate” or “How I knew I had to Stop having Sex.” Another song I like is a country song called Every Little Thing by Carly Pearce.

“Every little thing, I remember every little thing, the high the hurt the shine the sting of every little thing…”

I love it because I’m one those people that remembers. I remember those little things, all the things that never mattered to the other person.

One of the last times I slept with a particular person (about 5 years ago), I remember we didn’t use any protection. Surprise- Surprise. At that time, I was (pathetically) okay with it because I only did that with him. I wasn’t sleeping with anyone else nor did I want to. I was okay with there not being a boundary. I’m not condoning unprotected sex here but explaining my own poor choices.

The next days after, I realized we should have used protection because although I knew where I had been- I did not know where he had been. I could not account for what he was doing with other women or not doing with other women. He was a wild card. I decided to text him.

“Just so you know I only do that with you.”

His response went something like, “Yea me too…I’m clean…trust me.”

He asked if I was on the pill and I said no.

He said if I got the Plan B pill he would “reimburse” me.

reimburse

Reimburse

REIMBURSE

REEEIMMMBUUURSSSE.

I said I wasn’t worried about being pregnant and joked “we’ll see what happens in 9 months.”

He didn’t think it was funny.

I didn’t think REIMBURSE was funny. I didn’t think REIMBURSE was appropriate. I didn’t want his money. I didn’t like the way he so casually used the word REIMBURSE. How many other women had he REIMBURSED? Reimburse is not something you say to someone you slept with. Reimburse is reserved for business transactions. You get reimbursed for office supplies, mileage. You get reimbursed from petty cash when the vending machine won’t give you your Funyuns. I had been given money to purchase Plan B years prior and I vowed that would not be an experience I would repeat. (The Time I Went to the Abortion Clinic)

I was NOT a transaction.

But I was to him.

This exchange of communication was monumental in my quest. Right now, I can thank God for the word choice of that person. Obviously, it has stayed on my mind all these years. It was another reminder of why I could not keep sleeping with him or anyone. Especially as the times have changed and young men have become even more gluttonous for sex as women have become even more feral.
This is the generation of soul-less faux-intimate transactional sex.

I wondered if the new normal was to sleep with a girl unprotected, and then utilize Plan B as a plan a. Just reimburse her later. I remembered when I was younger the mantra was Do Not Get Pregnant. Do Not get a STD.

Had that changed? Had the plan changed so much in less than a decade?

It seems as though as the years pass on Responsibility has become an outdated tenet. How could that be? You would think that as we get older we get wiser.

As our culture has come to worship sex we’ve placed responsibility under personal self-indulgence.

We began to desire the benefits and none of the responsibility. Men and women equal in foolishness.

That *REIMBURSE* conversation led me to see that I had better get out of the game. The game had changed and it wasn’t for me anymore.

I never want to hear the word Reimburse from a man that I have been intimate with. God never intended for men to run amok reimbursing women for Plan Bs or abortions. He intended for men and women to make a covenant with Him at the center to care of one another. To represent Christ to one another. Anything short of that is faux-intimacy. It’s a foundation of quicksand, you lose your footing before you know it. You’ll be left feeling played and cheap. Don’t be a cheapskate. You’re worth more than $50 for Plan B or the $500 for an abortion.

Ladies, a man isn’t taking care of you by throwing money at what he or you may deem a “problem.” The problem happened before the conception. The problem is your lack of purity. You lack a firm and full understanding of who you are.

Men, what happened to you? When did you begin to sell out? Generations before you welcomed responsibility. Welcomed the opportunity to showcase your provision and protection. Being a man meant taking care of someone other than yourself.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her – Ephesians 5:25

Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. – Proverbs 31:31

Related Content:

Related Music:

Advertisements
Standard
Transformation

The Time I Went to the Abortion Clinic

If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness
-2 Corinthians 11:30image

It was around noon or 1:00pm, a sunny Saturday. My friend had thought she was leading us to a Planned Parenthood, but it turned out to be the “Abortion Clinic.” I know this because there was a giant sign facing me as I stared out of my window that read “Abortion Clinic.” I reluctantly turned left into the parking lot. We walked in the door, and into a second door. There was a glass window and on the other side was a medical receptionist. She asked how she could help us and I don’t remember what I said. She asked for our I.D.s and made copies of them. She returned and handed them to us through the open slot of the glass window. They allowed us through the door into the waiting room. I did not want to be there.

The night before, I had driven out of town to see someone. A guy I had been talking to for a month or so maybe two. I knew this person from high school, college affiliations, and mutual friends. Definitely not a Cat Fish situation besides, that tv show did not exist back then. We had made out at a party at some point before. Prior to driving there I decided that I wasn’t going to sleep with him. Fool around? Sure, but I wont go all the way. Just have fun and I’ll only stay for awhile not the whole night.

Well…

I did sleep with him. I did stay the whole night though we didn’t sleep. That’s not innuendo, we didn’t sleep because we couldn’t find the condom afterwards. Lord, take me now- its already so embarrassing. We searched our immediate area and bodies. Nothing. He began to stress… a lot. Sitting there in the awkward uh-oh early morning hours. Perhaps this was a very edgy funny commercial somewhere in the world. Nope- it was real life. My life. Each heavy minute was another confirmation that I should have left a very long time ago. I should have already been home, but now I’m here, dealing with This. I wasn’t worried about what he was worried about. I new I wasn’t going to be pregnant. I just knew. The guy on the other hand, was already 9 months ahead of himself. He had no idea of what to do or what could be done. I suggested Plan B [I didn’t know much about it] but the words brought him relief. He rambled off a bunch of questions, I said I didn’t know. We drove to an ATM and he gave me some cash. How lovely. I drove home and got on the internet to look up Planned Parenthood. They didn’t open until 11am, it was only 7:30am. My logical brain told me to check for the condom one more time. It was exactly where you would imagine. An even bigger confirmation of my poor decision. If this was ever the sign to stop making stupid decisions. I rested until it was around 11am. I texted a friend earlier and asked if she would go with me, but she was busy now. I drove to Planned Parenthood and as I got closer I could see people in the parking lot. As I got even closer, I saw they were protesters with signs. Yet another sign. I did not stop but drove straight to another friend’s apartment near by. I called her and asked if she was busy. She said “No why?” I said because “I’m parked in front of your apartment.” I went inside and explained everything. She agreed to go with me. We went back to Planned Parenthood but everyone was gone and it seemed their front doors were locked. She said she knew of one in what is technically another city but more of an extension of our city.

That’s where this story started at the top. The Abortion Clinic. I sat in the waiting room trying to not look at the other women there. Were they all getting abortions today? Getting Plan B? Regular check-ups? One woman walked out of the hallway crying and straight out of the door. The self-righteous person I was was being humbled. I cant judge anyone in this clinic because I am here with them. I was called back and received Plan B, two pills now and two pills to take 12 hours from now [If I’m not mistaken, Plan B is one pill now]. They told me that if I started to throw up to call them immediately and come back. AHH, reassuring Thanks.

I went home and stayed home that day. I didn’t want to risk throwing up in public anywhere. I text him that I got the pills. After the incident, our friendship was never the same. I didn’t want it to end, I didn’t want to feel used. But it did end and I did feel used. I felt sad briefly but did not forget to place a large chip on my shoulder and add him to the list of guys I held in disdain.

Fast forward a couple of months later, he attempted to apologize to me at a house party. I was there with a boyfriend. I rolled my eyes and was superiorly annoyed. My boyfriend stepped in to tell him that he knew I was owed an apology and “whatever happened before us is whatever.” I enjoyed that but exited my way out of the immediate area. I turned around to find them taking some shots together and sharing some weird level of camaraderie. UGH AS IF! Guys will be guys.

image

Fast forward some years later, he sent me a lengthy apology via Facebook. He was leading a program for young men teaching them how to be a man. He saw the irony. It truly was a legit apology. However, if you read my post Save your Sorry- you’ll see I don’t like apologies. I blew his apology off and didn’t respond for many months. When I did, all I said was “Thanks.” I can be a jerk.

Fast forward some even more years later, we ended up working in the same agency. I know right? Only God does things like that. I was so nervous just walking to the restroom or the lounge. Looking around every corner! A mutual friend relayed his fears as well. He told her, he still thought I hated him. I was shocked and disappointed. Disappointed in myself, at this point I had begun to live obediently to Christ. My heart was absolutely over those past events. I had no hate or negativity in my heart for him. It was more of a lets just laugh at all of this silliness between us type of feeling. One day he did see me in the lounge and we chatted as adults do. It was fine.image

Fast forward some months after that, to a Cinco de Mayo night at nightclub. It was his favorite style of Mexican music, music I only dance at Mexican weddings when a man insists I dance with him. Its imperative I roll my eyes first letting the man know I’m only going to dance to amuse him. Of course, we addressed our history. He said “I was just a boy,” — “I was just a girl.”

That story began 10 years ago. I learned a handful of lessons.

It’s a very good thing to let people know you don’t still hate them.

If someone legitimately apologizes, say more than “Thanks.”

Women sit in abortion clinics all the time, when technically they don’t really want to.

Sometime, sacrificing their comfort to appease some one else.

I’ve always had good friends that never judged me.

I’ve helped new friends by telling them this story.

Its made them understand I’ve definitely made stupid decisions.

We all have stories. Embarrassing, pitiful, shameful. Whatever word you use to describe them. God can come in, change your heart and give you confidence to share them.image


Related Reading:
http://wp.me/p5i4GL-ea
http://wp.me/p5i4GL-13

Related Music:

The Sex Buffet: How Availability Changes the Way Culture Sees Women

Standard
Gender Issues, Uncategorized, Women

Why I’m Pro Life

image

Do not envy the violent
or choose any of their ways.
For the Lord detests the perverse
but takes the upright into his confidence. Proverbs 3:31-32

A war cry was sounded in July 2015 when the Center for Medical Progress unleashed 10 videos. The Planned Parenthood videos. In these videos we heard PP execs negotiate money for scalps. Oops! I’m thinking of The Revenant. I’m mean for baby body parts. I watched in disgust as I women cackled like hit-men; others watched in denial. It turned into controversy. You mean PP wasn’t truly helping sad-poor-women, but building larger budgets for their Lambos? Yelawolf thought he was driving daddy’s Lambo not your maternal ovum donor’s.

planned-parenthood-lamborghini

Yelawolf-Daddy-s-Lambo-yelawolf-30393113-1057-758

I considered posting a blog on the topic last year as the videos continued to surface. I wasn’t sure of what to say. The videos said it all. The Pro Life pages I follow said it all. What would I say that wasn’t being said?

So here you and I are…lets begin.

image

My parents weren’t married when my mom became pregnant. They were living at home with their parents. Working entry level jobs. They were in love. They weren’t ready to be parents. They even broke up for a short time. For the first few months of my life, I lived in two homes, the homes of my grandparents. The three of us moved into an apartment [a crappy one] and they were married 5 months after I was born. My parents never hid any of the this from me. I grew up knowing I wasn’t planned. Because my parents weren’t prepared for parenthood nor for marriage, lots of mistakes were made. I was witness to two selfish people push and pull on each other- not in a #relationshipgoals kind of way. It was ugly and I questioned why my mom even had me. As a child, I remember imagining this was my temporary family, “My real family isn’t ready for me yet so I have to be here until God gets them ready.” There were good times but I grew up uncertain of many things. It took years and by years I mean 20+ of them to heal. Families are not perfect. Parents are not perfect. Life, love, and sex are messy. It takes years to clean up the aftermath.

You may say that’s exactly what I’m saving my baby from. A bad life. But all I hear you saying is that you don’t want to grow up. You don’t want to change. You don’t want anything interrupting your life. Your life is for you and you only. You’re wrong.

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. 1Corinthians 6:19-20

A person may think their own ways are right, but the Lord weighs the heart. Proverbs 21:2

image

When my mom’s sister found out that she was pregnant, my aunt said, “Why don’t you just get rid of it?”

abortion

I have never had the privilege of being pregnant. There have been plenty of opportunities. Thinking back to my first boyfriend- I lost my virginity when I was 17. We were in love. With our Romeo and Juliet Complex, we decided to get pregnant. He was moving away and in our teenage brains we thought if only I were to get pregnant, then he’d have to stay! So I stopped taking my birth control pills for all of 6 or 7 days as we “tried” to get me knocked up. I knew it wasn’t the smartest decision as he was a high school drop out with no job and I was just a senior in high school. I didn’t see it as working in the long run- but I didn’t care to think it through.

Fast forward to some more guys later. Boyfriends or non-boyfriends. I took many pregnancy tests but all of them- always negative. Phew! Whether I wanted to be or Not.

just fat

There have been so many times I was glad to never have had a child with someone from my past. By the Grace and Mercy of God he spared me.

I’ve envisioned telling my family and friends “I’m pregnant” to be bombarded with: But who’s the father? I didn’t know you had a boyfriend? But you don’t have a boyfriend? I didn’t know you were seeing someone? Is it ____’s? Who? What? When? Posting a sonogram photo to my timeline, maybe I’d get lots of Likes. Hopefully everyone would keep those questions to themselves. I may not have ever had the courage to answer them. Every answer from my mouth would feel like an earthquake to my heart.

Telling the guy I want to be with and accepting that he doesn’t want to be with me still. Entertaining the idea that I’m trying to trap him. Knowing this will most likely create more distance between us rather than draw him toward me. Or worse, telling me to take care of it. Would he turn out to be that cold and heartless? A guy moving on with someone else and I would just be the girl he had a baby with. No one special.

Being another single mom. A baby momma. Dealing with a baby dad. Dealing with a guy that says: I don’t know what you’re talking about. That’s not mine. That’s your problem. I had never fantasized about being pregnant solo, who does? Setting up a crib in my one bed-room apartment. Coordinating with the “dad” [if he was involved] drop off and pick up times. Meeting him at the door or car. Pretending like there wasn’t anything else to discuss. Dealing with unmet expectations and disappointment on the regular. Reminding myself that I also had a hand in this mess too. I should’ve known better. I do know better. I should have used protection. I should have never slept with him.

Aside from all of that, I’ve always known if I ever become pregnant, I would become a Mother. There has never been another option in my sight. I may not have wanted to have a child with that guy or this guy- but I always knew it didn’t matter. I’d be a Mom and a great one. I could never imagine getting rid of my baby all because the situation with the guy fell through. The results of a pregnancy test always put my relationships in perspective. I’ve never thought there to be a right time or wrong time to get pregnant. All the money and education cannot fully prepare you to be a mom [or dad]. We must eradicate this lie. No one has the $300,000 [“that it costs to raise a child”] just sitting in their bank account. You’re heart prepares you. As a woman, your body was made for this. Trust me, its biology and theology. Divinely created to enrapture a baby.

Learn to do right; seek justice.
Defend the oppressed.
Take up the cause of the fatherless;
plead the case of the widow. Isaiah 1:17

I feel it in my heart. I feel it in my bones. I long for the opportunity. The privilege.

I am Pro Life.

image

Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness. Romans 6:13

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=922582726158&id=149700362

Standard
History

God Made Girls

The CMAS (Country Music Awards) aired the other night and I was excited. I say today without embarrassment that I have a crush on the South and all that comes with it. I’m a devoted fan of the shows Nashville and Hart of Dixie. Darn you Netflix! And yes, country music. I recently was in Louisville (pronounced LooEL-Ville), Kentucky and was shamefully disappointed to not hear much of that Southern-drawl that I was expecting. I’m intrigued of Southern Belles and Cotillions. The rugged exterior of a hard working down to earth Country Man. From the outside, I see some values that could bring me joy. The South may get scoffed at for being down-home-back-woods-Confederate flag waving-Bible Belt wearing-losers of the Civil War by some but not me. I see a rich History, Tradition and Values. Something I have been wanting and didn’t even know it.

image

BTW I love music and will reference it throughout my posts. “God Made Girls” is a song on the radio right now and its making a lot of noise. I love it. This song puts a smile on my face and I can’t help but sing along. Had I heard this about 10 years ago, I would have rolled my eyes and given you a blank stare. *blink*blink. I would have corrected you on your use of the word “girl.” What am I 12? Puh-leaze I’m 20! I am a Woman, get it right.

Somebody’s gotta wear a pretty skirt: Excuse me? Why do *I* have to wear a skirt? Because I’m female, I should wear a skirt to get a man’s attention? I’m just here to look good for a man?
Somebody’s gotta wanna hold his hand: Why do I have to hold his hand? Im….wait for it…..INDEPENDENT. I don’t need a man. I don’t need to hold a man’s hand. Anything I want, I can get it myself. I can do it myself.
Somebody’s gotta be the one to cry—Somebody’s gotta let him drive: Oh because I’m female, cry? Because I’m female, I can’t handle my emotions and cry about everything? And ‘gotta let him drive’? So he’s gotta be in control? He just ‘drives’ wherever and I have no say so?

Was this anyone’s inner dialogue while reading these lyrics or listening to the song?
Let’s explore some definitions.

Femininity: the Quality or Nature of the female sex; womanhood; womanliness; pertaining to a woman or girl; Qualities traditionally ascribed to women (sensitivity or gentleness)
Feminism: belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities; the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men.

These are clearly very different definitions. Which do you prefer? Which sounds better to you? I’m sure you will choose the definition describing feminism and I know why. If you were born within the last 50- 60 years, your socialization since birth has been shaped by feminism. Perhaps, as an infant or toddler, your mother read “The Feminine Mystique” by Betty Friedan. Maybe you grew up hearing about “the pill.” It was illegal even for a married woman to have until 1965 (Griswold v. Connecticut). Seven years later in 1972 in Eisenstad v. Baird, the Supreme Court ruled that it was unconstitutional to prohibit the sale of oral contraceptives to unmarried women. The infamous Roe v. Wade case of 1973 declared it was unconstitutional for states to ban abortion within the first trimester. If you were born in the 80s, 90s, and 2000s then Feminism is the culture. We are groomed to accept Feminism. If we do not support it we are given the same look as your office bigot. Its so politically correct to shout “Equality!” But many of you don’t even know that we are Equal, in the eyes of God. By believing you are not equal, you are subscribing to an agenda which seeks to demean you. Early Feminism meant, I have the Right to NOT be objectified. Now: I have the right to objectify myself because its my CHOICE. Do you see it may be the same words but put them in a different order and it changes our world.

image

The First Wave of the Women’s Movement got us the right to vote in 1919. Our ForeMothers, knew they had a lot to offer the society in which they lived. They wanted a voice. A voice to build up a community, not to tear it down. A voice to be taken seriously within their own marriages. Not tear apart their own marriages. A voice to say I should be able to take up hobbies, interests, employment if I choose or if necessary. I can be trusted with responsibilities outside of the home. I respect myself, my family, my community and I asked the same respect from my country.

I look around and listen these days. The women that lived and died never seeing any results, would they be proud of us? Would they look at us in delight with what we have accomplished? We turn our backs on Femininity on our Womanhood. We have become aggressive and critical in our speech. We have become more violent as a demographic. We reject the level on relationship that God gifted us with. We long for a permanent connection yet reject marriage and use men for sex. We, in our own immaturity, have taken on all the traits of men that we deem abusive and undesirable. We model our behavior after men (whom are not perfect). Whom we reject, whom we say we don’t need, whom we call good-for-nothin, lame af and so many other awful labels. We get angry when they don’t stick around. When they “love us” and leave us within the late night hour. When we lay down with them and have their babies, and they still leave. We hate them, yet push and pull, cry and scream, plot and plan for them. This is a result of Feminism. Feminism grooms you from birth like a pedophile grooms a child. It makes you think it is something you want, something that will give you something you don’t already have. God’s Word has taught me the Truth.

Here is who God says I am:
She is worth far more than rubies.
She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
her arms are strong for her tasks.
She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue. Proverbs 31:10-31

What about these qualities should I reject? I am worth more than any jewels on earth! I bring the men in my life and my community GOOD. My arms are STRONG for my tasks. I open my arms to the poor and needy. My clothing doesn’t have to be name brand because my clothing is STRENGTH and DIGNITY. I speak wisdom and life into others. What is wrong with this? God gave me gifts, talents, and traits that are of QUALITY and are my NATURE.

We ask men to get in “touch with their feminine side” to exercise sensitivity and gentleness towards us. Yet, we reject those traits in ourselves. To be sensitive and gentle equates weakness. We puff up our chests, and put on a masculine front. I’ve heard women say they have bigger balls than a man, or “suck my d***” or “my d*** is bigger than yours.” They may say these insults just as a manner of speaking but where does this need to posture and be aggressive towards a man come from? When you say these things, you are denying your strength as a woman, you are saying that you do not possess strength. You do not need to perform male adolescent antics and exhibit a skewed concept of masculinity to be validated.

The Kingdom is ours, when we accept Jesus into our hearts and lives. When we submit to Him and all His ways. You don’t need to fight a fight that’s already been won. We are equal. We are feminine and that is not an undesirable identity. It is not the lowest of the low, but is of the Highest. We fuel the War on Eve when we reject our inner workings. What message are we sending to our girls? That because you are a girl you must act like a boy to have worth but deny their hurts when they bury their femininity at the expense of the Feminist agenda that was meant to make them equal so they could be happy? If that was confusing, it is because it is CONFUSING. I prefer to function on logic and when things do not make sense I cannot stand behind them. I cannot vouch for Feminism anymore.

 a

Related Music: God Made Girls by RaeLynn, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tl1uv6gB4hE

http://en.gravatar.com/that1liana

Standard