hookup culture, Men, sex, Uncategorized, Women

Surviving R. Kelly and Everyone Else

This weekend I discovered the docuseries, Surviving R. Kelly, on Lifetime. I was horrified, shocked, confused but also very much jaded. I kept thinking backwards to try to recall when all of these accusations were circulating in the media. I guess I missed all of it because I was a teenager myself and not a huge fan? Yes I can name some of his most popular songs but they weren’t ever my favorites. At that time in my life the only older man I had eyes for was Brad Pitt! (That’s another blog post LOL).

I know many right now are grieving and angered by the stories in the series. The stories of Robert Kelly’s predatory behavior, his own sexual abuse as a child, the countless underage girls he preyed on, the manipulation, the intimidation, the domestic and dating violence, the deceit, the power plays, his Hiding In Plain Sight, and much more. Watching women cry through the painful memories that haunt them is in itself painful to the viewer.

I’m not glad any of this has happened to the individuals involved. I am hopeful that through the handful of stories shared by these brave women that people will begin to take sex seriously.

Sex wasn’t made for a power game. Sex wasn’t made for manipulation. Sex wasn’t made for control.

If you are having a sexualized relationship with someone and power, manipulation and control are a dominating the experiences – then you need to remove yourself. Leave, ask for help, reach out at all costs. It will destroy you.

Sex alone is a powerful experience. The God of the Bible created sex as a powerful experience to glue a man and women together in a covenant. The covenant(marriage) is two becoming one, not one enveloping the other.

The only visual representation I can use to warn you against is that of Symbiote. The symbiote comes from the Marvel comic book world used to identify a fictional species that bonds with their hosts. Wikipedia states, “They also are able to slightly alter their hosts personalities, by influencing their darkest desires and wants, along with amplifying their physical and emotional traits and personality, granting them super-human abilities.”

Think of the Venom taking over Eddie Brock. In this clip Eddie meets Venom.

Its all fun and games when it’s a movie, a comic book movie, a movie with my Bae(Tom Hardy)- but its your demise when your mind and body are conquered by another entity.

Outside of God’s will, we will come in contact with these other entities. I do believe just like Ephesians 6:12 tells us that we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities, and spiritual forces in the heavenly realms.

That is why we have to be born again like Jesus tells us in John 3:3-6. Before we are born again, we are operating in the flesh.

John 8:44 tells us, You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and has nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies. Jesus was speaking to the Pharisee at this time, because they refused to acknowledge Him as the Son of God, refused to accept the Truth and because of this rejected His authority. This goes the same for us in the here and now. When we believe ourselves to be our own authority then anything goes.

Aleister Crowley, made famous ‘Do as thou wilt shall be the whole of the law” in the early 1900s but its message goes back to the Garden of Eden in Genesis 3. The serpent introduced “do as thou wilt” to Eve and she welcomed it.

I’m getting real nerdy here to drive home the message that outside of Christ, we will do harm to one another. Mark 7: 21-23 tells us, For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come—sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evils come from inside and defile a person.

Is Robert Kelly guilty of such things? YES.

Is he guilty of crimes in our modern society? YES.

Is he guilty of being a human devoid of submission to Christ? YES.

Should we intercede on his behalf? YES.

A couple of years ago I attended a conference on a college campus. The topics covered were regarding campus safety, sexual assault and stalking, mass shootings etc. There was a breakout session led by a professor that presented us with the story of Nate Parker and his movie, Birth of a Nation (2016). The movie and Nate Parker were receiving mixed reviews. The film tells the true story of a slave rebellion in 1831. Nate Parker’s past had come to the fore front as the movie was released. During his college career, he was accused of rape in 1999. I will stop at those facts. Research more if you want. The purpose of the break out session was to discuss the issues of our heroes also being monsters. Do we celebrate the movie and give Nate Parker praise for directing and acting in this depiction of slaves rising up? In a story that has been minimized in our history. Do we protest the movie and Nate Parker? Nate Parker was acquitted of the charges. Does acquittal equal innocence? Is he still guilty of crimes committed even though a court of law found him not guilty?

This seems to be the defense of many Robert Kelly fans. Numerous times in this series, fans stated that he was acquitted of the charges against him and that is why they proceeded forward in their support or business with him.

My one question to throw out there for discussion is: In general, most Americans, could agree that the justice system gets it wrong from time to time. Innocent people are determined guilty and guilty people are determine innocent. The system is flawed whether it be judges, attorneys, or juries. If we start from this agreement, then why would we pledge our loyalty to someone brought into court with video evidence of them paying cash to a 14 year old girl for sex? The charges were child pornography. The existence of a video let alone fits the description.

Many voices in the series referred a lot to the Black community. Some felt the Black community failed the women and girls that were harmed by Rob Kelly. I would agree.

No matter the “community” you identify with, racial, ethnic, religious, socio-economic, political – it will fail you.

We cannot pledge allegiance to our demographics.

How do we move forward?

First, we need to welcome Godly sorrow and grieve our mistakes.

Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 2 Corinthians 7:10

Our personal sins and the sins of others needs to bring us sorrow. We need to learn to blush again, we need to be embarrassed for our lack of self control and rebellion. We need to be grieved by abuse committed against others. By abuse, I mean all forms of sexuality that is not under the submission of the Word of God. Society’s standard for sexual behavior is that which is consensual. However, God’s standard is much MUCH HIGHER.

Are they ashamed of their detestable conduct?
No, they have no shame at all;
they do not even know how to blush.
So they will fall among the fallen;
they will be brought down when they are punished,
says the LORD. Jeremiah 8:12

Second, we need to repent. To repent means to turn from sin. Feeling Godly sorrow is foundational but next is to turn away. Turn away and run in the opposite direction.

Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. 2 Timothy 2:22

Third, is to pursue righteousness. How do we do that? Ephesians 5:1-20 outlines how we should live.

1 Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. 4 Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. 5 For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a person is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.[a] 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. 7 Therefore do not be partners with them.
8 For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light 9 (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness,righteousness and truth) 10 and find out what pleases the Lord. 11 Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. 12 It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. 13 But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. 14 This is why it is said:
“Wake up, sleeper,
rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.”
15 Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise,16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.18 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord,20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Finally, if a relationship is what you desire Paul has some amazing things to say in 1 Corinthians 7:1-40 and Ephesians 5:21-33. I encourage you to read it in the Message version. Please do read them!
Some highlights are:

Now, getting down to the questions you asked in your letter to me. First, Is it a good thing to have sexual relations? Certainly—but only within a certain context. It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. 1 Corinthians 7:1-2 MSG

Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others. 1 Corinthians 7:7 MSG

Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. Ephesians 5:25-27 MSG

Let me say again, if you are in a relationship that does not model the above mentioned scriptures, if you are having a sexualized relationship with someone and power, manipulation and control are a dominating the experiences – then you need to remove yourself. Leave, ask for help, reach out at all costs. It will destroy you.

The thief (satan) comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I (Jesus) have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10

Make the sure the Shepherd you are following is the Right One, the Righteous One. Jesus said that those that have come before were thieves and robbers John 10:7. Don’t let them steal your life.

Throughout the beginning of time, Robert Kelly and others have come in disguise to shepherd, but they were thieves. Jesus is the Good Shepherd and is coming back for His people.

Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations. Psalm 90:1

We can mute Robert Kelly and others like him but 30 more will take his place. Evil was always here. The human experience and condition can be egregious and it often is. I feel fear for those that do not know who they are co-heirs with Christ Romans 8:17 and what is to come, But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father – Mark 13:32. What will you be caught doing when Christ returns? Will He recognize you or say depart from me, I never knew you- Mark 7:23.

Take this docuseries as time to reflect. Reflect on our culture and where we have arrived. Reflect on your own life, have you contributed to a culture that makes sex arbitrary instead of sacred? Reduced it to just consensual instead of Holy.

Romans 3:10-12:
“None is righteous, no, not one;
11 no one understands;
no one seeks for God.
12 All have turned aside; together they have become worthless;
no one does good,
not even one.”

Weep for the culture and be burdened to fight against immorality.

 

Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, 20 idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, 21 envy,[a] drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do[b] such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24 And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Galatians 5:19-24

Related Videos: 

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Gender Issues, Men, open letter, Quick Read, Uncategorized, Women

FW: Screw Off, Feminists: An Open Letter to Men from a Real Woman

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From Louder with Crowder. I couldn’t resist sharing!

“Dear Men,

Everyday there’s news/outrage about the latest female tragedy, the “war on women” the #SJW feminist women, the body-shaming women. Then there’s “rape culture” and “male privilege,” and “micro-agression.” Seems to me, if you’re a man in this world, there’s nothing you can do right. If you tell a woman to smile, you’re a sexist. If you tell a woman she’s pretty, you’re reducing her to just her looks. If you tell a woman she’s smart, you’re a sexist for being surprised that she’s smart and more than just her body. If you vocalize that you think a hot woman is hot… oh geez. Bar and lock the doors, the feminists will stab you with their steely knives.

Well as a woman (yeah, it’s Courtney Kirchoff here, not Steven Crowder), here’s something you need to know: women love men. For being men.

Okay, several feminist keyboards have been reduced to dust. Chicas are hammering their keys like the old cavemen hammered their women before dragging them into the cave. Oh that right there? Joke. I know you feminists don’t think it’s funny. Nothing to you is funny. That’s why it’s funny.

Yes, I know you’re out there, SJW feminists. You’re going to call me a bitch. You’re going to call me a sell-out. You’re going to say I’m an ignorant this, that, and plenty of other four and five letter words because I dared to write “women love men,” despite the glaring proof women do love men. Proof? The perpetuation of the species. You know, men and women getting together, doing the deed, having and not aborting their babies. I can hear you all yelling, “PATRIARCHY” and “RAPE,” out there. Yell and scream and stomp all you want. I don’t care. Background noise.

This letter is for the men who go out and do. Who build, who create, who pursue excellence, who make the world a little better by being unapologetic MEN. I’m not talking to the jerks and the creeps. They get too much attention and they do NOT represent all men. Okay? Okay.

Sorry guys, I had to address those harpies first, because they’re shrill and annoying. Where was I? Right, women love men.

Millions of women, myself included, celebrate you guys for being dudes. We may joke about how you annoy us with your one-thing-at-a-time focus, but we love that too. Life is simpler and better with you in it. We love how you say what you mean. You’re uncomplicated, straightforward, and easy to talk to. And we usually don’t have to issue disclaimers before we do speak with you…so thanks for that.

We appreciate that you want to protect women. Despite what all the feminists say, millions of us know you care for women. We know you would pound a punk into the ground if he tried messing with us. We know you love children and want to protect them. We know you want to call your daughters “princesses,” and you’re not being patriarchal when you do.

We celebrate your ambition. One of my favorite qualities in a man is his drive to be his best. He likes to take risks because he likes to push his limits and test his strength. He likes to be challenged both in his career and in his personal pursuits. Every day he is working to better himself to be a greater man than he was before.

We love your competitive drive. Women might mock you for needing to “out do” the other guys, but *this* woman at least, enjoys it. What’s life without a little competition? Thanks for the sarcastic back and forth, for trying to one-up your buddy at the gym. Rock on. We’ll watch and cheer you on. But you better win…

We love your self-deprecating humor and how you want to make us laugh. This one should be self-evident, but sadly it’s not. Even when we don’t want to be cheered up, you still try. You’re a soldier who loves his woman. Even if your woman gives you “the look” I’d like to think that deep down she’s not plotting to smother you with a pillow when you snore; she’s appreciating your good humor. Okay, maybe she wishes you didn’t snore so much. Hey, she’s human, too.

Oh SJWs, give it a rest. Are all men like the ones I’m describing? No. But a lot of men are, and not everything is about you and your micro-agressions and fat-shaming. Stop taking up all the attention, this shouldn’t be about you.

Ahem.

We love how you pursue us when you like us, and we like you. Three feminist’s brains just exploded right there. Yes, men, we LIKE IT when you call us. We like it when you show us how much you care for us by actively pursuing us, even when you have us (7 more feminist brains have exploded). We like it when you open the door and treat us like queens. We like it when you make the plans, when you have direction.

So guys, when you’re constantly bitch-slapped by the loud, modern feminists for “man-spreading,” or whatever other new term they’re going to pull out of their uptight butts, know that millions of women cherish you for exactly who you are: Men. The world is a better place with men in it. Yes. I WROTE THAT. Millions of us support you. We support your careers. We support your choices. We love you for being masculine, and we celebrate you for it.

Now go chop some wood and make us a fire.

~Written by Courtney Kirchoff”

http://louderwithcrowder.com/opinion-dear-men-women-actually-love-you-
0for-being-men/ 11-27-15

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Gender Issues, History, Women

the War on Eve

 Female Genital Mutilation. Rape. Domestic Violence. Molestation. Female Infanticide. Acid Burning. Sex Slavery. Murder.

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The Women’s Movement was meant to Liberate us. Liberate us from what? I thought this was America? Land of the Free. I have Rights, dontcha know? Even with Rights & Freedoms, women still suffer. They suffer in every spec of space in the world. There are women in basements and inside walls barely clothed if at all. They are treated as reusable semen dumpsters. Their souls are annihilated with each use. Female infants, toddlers, girls, teens, and adult women are raped repeatedly. I feel nauseated typing these sentences because I can see them clearly. Women and girls with tears in their eyes, staring at ceilings hoping there is an end, praying that they just die. Doors being opened to see a small child maybe 4 years old, a negotiation of a price. A few green papers to use a child’s body for an orgasm. There is a war taking place and its been raging since the book of Genesis. The war is on Eve. You & me.

I’m not meant to just stay quiet* I’m meant to be a lion* I’ll roar beyond a song

Those are lyrics to a popular song that I love right now. There was a popular song in the 70s, ” I am Woman. Hear Me Roar.” That was a feminist’s anthem. Those lyrics in bold are my battle cry. I am a Defender of Femininity. I believe in the royal status God gave to women. I’m on a mission to restore my femininity. When God made Woman, he literally broke the mold. The mold was Himself in which he created Adam. Adam came from dust. And after Adam and God spent some time together, God realized there was something missing. He knocked Adam out and took a rib from Adam. From that rib He created Woman. She was unlike anything else. She was God’s cherry on top! The last touch of finesse! The frosting on the cake! Why didn’t God stir up some dust like He did with Adam? Because He knew this new creation had to be different! Had to be even more grand than the last! Eve was made from Adam because she was meant to be protected and governed by Adam. Can you imagine being so beautiful that you are guaranteed protection and provision? That is how we were meant to live. Adam and Eve (you and me) were meant to live in a beautiful garden. No traffic. no winter storms. no bills. no crime. no problems!  Man was supposed to take care of Woman, and Woman take care of Man. We were given different gifts and talents and it was going to be great!

This next piece of information is not entirely me. The book “Captivating” by Stasi and John Eldredge, the author’s write about Satan’s hate for Eve. Satan was once a beautiful angel, highly adored by God. However, because of his pride and desire to be God, he was cast out of Heaven. He was sent to live here (with us!). Satan was so prideful and arrogant, he became jealous of Eve. Simply, because his beauty had been out-done! Satan was a bit of a diva if you ask me. So he targeted Eve in the garden. Notice he never once enticed Adam to eat any fruit. He simply slithered out towards Eve and incited doubt. In her own sinful nature, decided that God was holding out on her. I admit plenty of times feeling like God was holding out on things and experiences from me. Can you? What do you believe God is holding out on you? Money? Success? A relationship? a Job? In an instant she decided that she knew better than God. *Insert curses now* Adam well…where was he? He was there but didn’t say anything. Personality defect: passivity. <*Satan also became angry with Eve because she blamed him when God confronted her.* She stated, “The serpent deceived me…” He had wanted Eve to reject God but she did not.> His trap did not go as planned. God served us with an Eviction Notice and some horrible curses.

One in particular stands out. “You’re desire will be for you husband, and he will rule over you.” *Patriarchy* Our love-hate relationship is a punishment for our sin in the garden. TBH I’m kinda irked by my ancestral grandparents. Here I am struggling to pay my bills, having menstrual cramps, plagued with unrequited love….I could be living in botanical bliss!

Life on earth is no easy task. We are cursed and attacked by Satan constantly. He is waging war on our spirits. Maybe you are reading this now and realizing how much as a woman you have suffered and endured. You think I was used, abused, spat on, kicked, punched, tortured, and so much more. I hope you see this is Satan not your fellow brother, Man. It may quite literally have been your brother molesting you, a father, uncle, boyfriend, husband that has stomped on your heart and soul. But Satan will use the sins of others to get to you and me. You can turn your heart cold towards men. Become bitter. Decide you can take care of yourself and complain later that men aint S***.  And in the same breath hypocritically, you can continue to do your best to snag a man with flirtatious and raunchy texts, short skirts and pouty lips. Two outcomes will occur: You will still get hurt. Your appetite for love will never be satisfied.

There is hope though. You CAN be LIBERATED! Liberated in Christ. Jesus’ death of the cross was for you. So you do not have to live with the chains on your wrists or on your heart. The war will continue but you will be equipped and trained to fight. You may even get to train up others. I know this because I’m in training right now. I’m studying how to fight the enemy. I’m studying how to arm myself. My soul is not going down without a fight. I’m not meant to stay quiet, I’m meant to be a LION.

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Related reading:

NEW as of November 21, 2018 : https://www.dailywire.com/news/38597/judge-rules-federal-law-banning-female-genital-hank-berrien

http://www.ryot.org/photos-these-women-were-doused-in-acid-for-turning-down-marriage-proposals/559641
http://www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs241/en/
http://sheikyermami.com/2015/03/women-have-no-need-for-their-genitalia-unless-you-are-a-whore/

http://liveactionnews.org/woman-aborts-18-girls-pregnant-son-husband-wanted/

http://m.clarionproject.org/news/150-isis-sex-slaves-commit-suicide-some-fed-dogs

Related Music: He Knows My Name by Francesca Battistelli, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYpBgJHmGmw

http://en.gravatar.com/that1liana

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