Journaling, Uncategorized, Women

My Life is Not a Telenovela

image

My life is not a telenovela and yours shouldn’t be either. I got tired of telling my friends stories of this guy and that guy. I also got tired of hearing their stories about this guy and that guy.

Did I tell you about X?

Did I tell you what happened?

Did I tell you what he text me?

Did I tell you what he did?

Did I tell you what he said?

Re-hashing whatever happened two weeks ago, bringing me up to date on what happened last week, and telling me what happened this week.

So he text me this.

I texted back that.

Then he said this.

So I said that.

Showing my friend text after text or just handing over my phone to let them read the entire thread themselves. Watching their face in anticipation.

Over analyzing every text, word, move from the flavor of the month guy.

So he text me at 8:52pm. So I saw it but didn’t reply until 9: 26pm. Then he said that. So I texted back and said that.

Over and over the same story lines, the same play by play rhetoric.

Still single.

20160130_223020.jpg

After reading Don’t Let Your Journal Turn Into a Soap Opera Drama from Girl Defined, I decided to look through old journals and find good examples of my stories. Though I have numerous journals through the past 10 years, 2008 was filled with drama and endless details of it. In 2008, I was 22 years old and had quit my job at a restaurant. I had been on a “break” from school and just spent my time going to parties and bars. Hopefully some of that explains a percentage of the drama. Remember my post, 21 Before 21? Yeah, I didn’t know any of those things yet! The following entries centered around three fellas over a two month time frame. I blacked out names of all involved to protect their identities.

2016-01-30-23.21.06.jpg.jpeg2016-01-30-23.13.09.jpg.jpeg

2016-01-30-23.10.46.jpg.jpeg

I had one thing right, “I’m crazy.” Shake your head because I’m shaking mine too. I actually blew up someone’s one phone at 3 am. I don’t remember that. I was “so mad cuz he didn’t try 2 come over” ???

I read these pages and more- shocked. I cannot believe I used to be that girl. I remember a lot of stories but apparently I don’t have enough storage space in my brain for al the other stories. I must be remembering the main headlines, the highlights, the bloopers. Pages and pages of who’s and when’s, the tiniest details of anything that happened. He didn’t call back. He didn’t respond to my text. He didn’t go to the party or that bar. Sad to say these stories did die down but just continued at a slower rate up until 2-3 years ago. Maybe you’ll think its lame but I can’t remember the last time I had a story to tell.

screenshot_2016-02-07-16-32-00-1.png

These years have been the most peaceful years. I’m not worried or stressed about some guy, what hes doing or not doing. I’ve got no time to become a detective or private investigator. Investigating, scouring the internet to “figure” him out. I can no longer analyze a picture posted on social media and decipher text messages. I can no longer decode a guy’s behavior to “figure out” how he feels about me. We’re definitely not called to be play special investigator even though we make great ones!

scully

God wants our eyes on him. If we are playing detective on some guy, then our eyes are not on God. If you consider yourself a Christian girl or woman, you should not be obsessed [and don’t use your own judgement to discern if you are obsessed or not]. You’re just going to rationalize every move you make. Talk to a mature friend and ask her if you’re a bit obsessed, even just a little. God deserves our full attention and a full-time relationship. I don’t judge you, I struggle with this myself. But we have to stretch our understanding of relationship and love. It’s not just a Nicholas Sparks novel. Whether its God or a guy.

Here is 20 Important Bible Scriptures About Priorities-http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/20-important-bible-scriptures-about-priorities/

screenshot_2016-02-07-17-06-28-1.png

When it comes to relationships and love I have a new set of standards and guidelines, Proverbs 18:22 is verse that I firmly hold onto.

He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.

He who finds a wife….  I don’t need to be out searching my city for a man. I definitely need to be prepared to be found!

not She who figures out a man will get to marry him,

not She who finds a husband.

He who finds a wife… I need to be asking God to prepare me to be wife.

not he who finds some chick,

not he who finds some girl that figured him out, that solved his inner mysteries.

screenshot_2016-02-07-17-10-59-1.png

Instead of filling our journals with endless and mindless details of who’s and when’s, let us allow God inside those pages. God is thee author of all things. He created us and knows who and what we need in our lives. He is not the author of confusion! If we have to spend hours deciphering the hieroglyphics of texts messages, online messages and overall messages that are being communicated by a guy- most likely God is not involved in that situation. When you leave God out of your relationships, you also leave out his protection and provisions. When you act as if you can figure it all out with God and continue towards unstable relationships, you will not have the appropriate foundation that will be a long-lasting, fulfilling relationship. Sure you may have a relationship, but it won’t be from God’s design or have  his co-sign and it will not be blessed. You’re out on your own, leaning on your own understanding. We are told to lean NOT on our own understanding in Proverbs 3:5.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

Trust in the Lord…

definition: one having power and authority over others. Welcome His authority over your life and know that you won’t have to strain and strive so hard for the right guy.

screenshot_2016-02-07-17-13-38-1.png

Related Reading:: http://www.girldefined.com/journal-turn-soap-opera-drama

Related Music:  Write Your Story by Francesca Battistelli – https://youtu.be/ecV1NHmELuA

P.S. Don’t be this girl!

screenshot_2016-02-07-17-13-56-1.png

Advertisements
Standard
The Cross, Transformation

the Purge

[to clear of something unclean or unwanted. to remove or eliminate. to rid (a person or thing) of something unwanted.]

I write this with hesitation. I don’t really want to write my story for all to see. Though the theme has saturated itself in my journals for years now. I am just Beautifully Broken. Put together on the outside. Adorned with lovely things. But inside this house, there is a dark room. A dark room where my soul has died more than once.
image

There were times in my life that I walked into this dark room, gave the keys to someone else and allowed them to lock me inside. I became hurt, angry and bitter. Sometimes, they’d leave the keys in arms reach. After long periods of time, I’d take the keys and let myself out. I would give away the keys again and go back inside the room. Cry myself to sleep and ask myself Why does this happen to me?

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.
And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.  For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. Romans 7:15-20

Finding this in the Bible was life changing for me. I was stuck on super-UNfun rollercoaster,  a merry-go-round of confusion, rejection, disappointment, heartache. I may have switched from the white pony to the giraffe to the zebra or even a unicorn, but it was the same ride. I AM NOT CRAZY. I AM CRAZY. I used to tell myself, I’m smart, I’m rational, why cant I figure this out? What is wrong with me?

If youre familiar with the Myers Briggs personality types, I am a INTJ. Introvert-Intuitive-Thinking-Judging. I needed to figure this out. I needed to find the problem and solve it. I needed it to make sense. But I could not make sense of my pattern of having sex with someone I knew did not care for me, value me, respect me, or love me. I could not make sense of walking right into the burning fire and being horrified at the 3rd degree burns. I could not understand my preaching, “I’m not your night-time plaything anymore” only to find myself in his bed yet again. My overwhelming insecurity drowning me two days later like clockwork. All the texts messages and phone calls that never came, that still haven’t because in a very twisted way, I am still waiting.
image

Words unspoken, misunderstood texts, and consuming thoughts have turned to prayers but often I don’t know why I’m praying or who I’m really praying for. Me? Him? My prayers have been for God to take this away. For God to just take me away. For God to open his heart to me. For God to just open his heart to anyone. For God to snatch him up and run faster than he is running from Him. For God to come and fill me like I want to be filled by him.  They fluctuate and alleviate. I change my mind about 30 times a day. Another year is about to pass by and still this IT remains.

Its been a year and half since the last time, but I always analyze the years in between now and the beginning. When it began I was 21. This Elite Daily article sums up the state of mind I was in and how it all came to happen. They’re 6 Reasons Why You’re Only His Hookup, Not His Girlfriend caught me off guard this morning when I woke up. Reading through these main points had me feeling regretful.

  • You Enabled The Hook-Up Mentality
  • You Never Told Him What You Wanted
  • You Didn’t Make Him A Priority
  • You Ignore The Signs That He’s Emotionally Unavailable
  • Why Buy The Cow?
  • He’s Just Not That Into You

I enabled the hook-up mentality by trying to be the cool-independent, I Don’t Need a Man girl. I never told him what I wanted because I didn’t want to appear needy, and what if he says No? I didn’t make him a priority because I was afraid of getting to know someone that will hurt you anyway. I ignored the signs he was emotionally unavailable because I too, shut off my emotions. He didn’t want to commit because I never said he had to. Hes just never been that into me because if he wanted to be with me, he would.

Hard truths for sure. God can forgive you if you ask. Your life can change if you allow Him to change you. But some consequences remain. You will have to face problems you would not have had to face had you not sinned.

I receive frequent emails from a relationship-speaker of sorts after visiting his website and subscribing to the newsletter . In the email today, he discusses Common Mistakes Women Make When it Comes to Sex.

“Not saying anything about what it means for you to share yourself with him because you keep telling yourself that he feels the same way you do… and you assume he wants a relationship because he wants to sleep with you

· Not saying anything about your feelings or about wanting a relationship because you thought it might “weird him out” or make it awkward

· Not knowing exactly know how you feel and what sleeping with him will mean to you until AFTER you sleep with him and a whole rush of feelings hits you like a tidal wave

If you’ve ever felt hurt because you became physical with a man and he ended up not having an interest in dating or starting a relationship, then odds are you can look back and see that one or more of the above scenarios was at play.

Of course, it doesn’t seem like it’s you who is making a mistake in these situations. It feels like THE MAN you’re with is the one who obviously doesn’t get it, and is a player for not being ready for a relationship.”

This again had me feeling regretful. Being reminded of where I went wrong oh so many years ago. Being reminded of how far from close I am with that person. How I wish I hadn’t thought I could handle casual sex. Opening up to friends through the years, I always get the same look. A look of disbelief. No, not Liana. She’s the one that holds it together when everything else is falling apart. She’s got it going on. A degree, an admirable career field. She’s definitely not crazy. Smart, Beautiful, Strong. [I’m not bragging, I promise]. Maybe they say she could have anyone she wants. She could take her pick. Why is she stuck? Why can’t she see she’s worth it? I’ve given my friends the look and the same speech. Leave him alone. Don’t text him. You’re better than that. He’s not respecting you. You deserve much more. Its never made sense to me or them.
image

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God–through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.
Romans 7:21-25

What a wretched woman I am. Whats good in me is Christ. I do not have it all together. Jesus died on the cross for me. So I don’t have to be a slave to sin. A slave to hooking – up with a guy that has no love for me. A slave to insecurity and fear. A slave to madness. depression. self-sabotage. failure. Wars are raging against you and I. Ones we can’t always see until it’s too late and you realize you lost though you don’t recall ever enlisting in battle.
A year and a half of a type of sobriety. Everyday I fight thoughts that lead to a relapse. I desire so desperately to do the right thing. To honor God with my body and decisions. But the pull remains.

image

“This can get to be a kind of relational cocaine. A woman gets to a place where she just can’t turn down the possibility of the sexual, emotional stroke that being with a man gives.”
&
“Allowing a man to enjoy sexual favor without risking real commitment in marriage invites him to remain a boy inside.”
Paula Rinehart- Sex and the Soul of a Woman

“1. Know Yourself And What You’re After
You said, “I have made the mistake of admitting to a friend that I have feelings for him.”
It’s NOT a mistake to share your feelings with a man. It IS a mistake to share your feelings with a man 1) too early and 2) in a negative context.
You set yourself up for failure by choosing and “tolerating” a situation that just doesn’t work for you.
That situation is being “ok” with a purely physical situation when in fact you need – and want – more.
Instead of being open with yourself about what YOU are truly after, you pursued this “friends with benefits” strategy to get things moving.
That’s why you’re freaking out.
You thought you could handle it. You thought you’d get something out of it. And for a minute, it was fun.
But then your feelings snuck up on you. Eventually you were reminded of what you’re really after with a man and what you value.
Right now you have two pictures in your mind: One picture is of this “casual” thing going on. And the other one is what you actually want. The two pictures are so radically different and far apart from each other, that it’s no wonder you’re acting “insane.”
Your expectations are completely out of line for what you’re ACTUALLY doing with this guy.
It’s time to stop creating situations in your life that you KNOW won’t make you happy or comfortable in the long run – even if they feel good in the moment.
2. Find Your Personal Standards… And Then Stick With Them
Starting things with a man in this “casual” way, is a SUREFIRE way to ruin your odds of creating something more meaningful in the future.
I’m a guy. I know.
But, more importantly, getting into a “casual” situation with a man you might want to date more seriously and exclusively, has a VERY HIGH potential to make you FEEL AWFUL.
So…
Unless you’re one out of a hundred thousand women that gets “swept off her feet” by an open, caring, great communicator, who makes moving into a committed relationship effortless… then you’re going to have to start asking yourself some real questions about what you really want from your love life.
And once you have the answers, actually be honest about them from the start. Here’s an important question to ask yourself:
“What are my needs?”
And I do mean YOUR needs. Not his. Not what you’re accepting or tolerating or hoping to get from a man just because there’s nothing better around right now.
Be clear here and think it through. I’ll give you a minute…
Most of the women I know who are dating have a set of subconscious requirements from the men they’re seeing:
That any man they’re involved with, in any way, isn’t dating or still involved with another woman
That he’s open and ready to explore a serious relationship once they get to know each other
That they share the same values and priorities – or he can at least appreciate and support her values
That it’s going somewhere, and it’s not just going to be casual dating forever
But these aren’t things they are willing or able to communicate directly with the man they’re seeing. So, they end up in a situation that is anything but what they were looking for.
They say, “This is fine for now. I’m just enjoying myself.”
They are not being honest with themselves about their bottom-line “must-haves” and therefore can’t express these things to the man, either.
So, how in touch are you with your REQUIREMENTS to feel good when it comes to men and dating? And how do you communicate these to a man?
Do you do it indirectly by acting frustrated and angry when your needs aren’t being met, after you’ve already become intimate and emotionally vested in the relationship? Or do you do it directly and in a positive context as things are GETTING STARTED, so you’re in sync from the get-go?
Remember, 99% of the time, a man is NOT going to make the right decisions for you, or magically and telepathically recognize and meet all your needs.
Sticking to a set of minimum standards and then communicating those helps show a man what it’s going to take to make you happy.
3. Radically Reject Behavior That Doesn’t Meet Your Standards
I observed something fascinating about people and relationships a few years back.
When we’re in a situation that causes bad feelings and friction of some kind, there is always some kind of “payoff” for one or the other person… and that’s why they persist in sticking with the bad situation.
Here’s what you’re getting out of the “casual” thing…
You get a safe and risk-free path to get close to this guy. Even though technically you’re not “close” at all. I call this “working it from the ‘friend zone”.
After all, how vulnerable would you be if you shared what you REALLY were looking for up front, BEFORE you slept with him? You might be disappointed or rejected, or you would be unable to continue the “friendship” that you have right now.
And maybe having to start over alone might actually be worse in your mind than having something crappy and low-quality that you’re “tolerating” now.
But if you look deeper, you’ll probably see that your desire for something more was there all along underneath the surface. Therefore, I doubt that you could have been “just friends” with him anyway, even if you never slept together, without you feeling gypped in some way.
That’s why you have to show a man that you’re strong and you know what you want, and you won’t settle for scraps or second-best or “good enough for now.”
-Christian Carter

wpid-b4a2a6491c02b3428f7292e77de636c4.jpg

Related Reading: http://elitedaily.com/dating/6-reasons-youre-hookup-girlfriend/869942/
http://elitedaily.com/dating/hookup-culture-non-relationship-generation-getting-nowhere/664654/
http://elitedaily.com/women/every-girl-one-guy-shell-always-go-back/939666/

Related Music: Tug of War by Andy Mineo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uubPjUhxAyQ
When I’m Alone by Lissie: http://youtu.be/7G0_eN36QVc

http://en.gravatar.com/lmartinez85

Standard
Gender Issues

hey Slut: dissecting Slut Walks part 1

image

I have never been called a Slut. To my face, online, or anywhere for that matter. That I know of. I have not been raped or sexually assaulted. I tell you that to be honest. So you know where I am coming from and where I’m not. Today, many people protest and leach onto to causes they truly have no heart for. They get caught up in the divisiveness and loud noises. Like Brick Tamland here.

image

If we told people that in 2015 Obama was in the process to scrap July 4th as a national holiday to be more Muslim-friendly as part of international relations, groups and individuals of all interest groups would be taking sides of an octagon. The United BasketWeavers of America, The National Association of People Against Everything, along with the ForEverythingPeople would be taking to twitter, facebook, youtube, AOL Hotmail, Morse code, and anything else they could get their hands on to get their “message” out there. Sadly, the average American is not able to decipher between satire, truth, fake-truths, bias, and bait. We are the most privileged country in the world, we have First World Problem memes, and have knowledge at our fingertips. But we collectively have the maturity level of a 15 year old.

During my early twenties, I always killed the vibe of that one drinking game. A list was always drawn up on the spot, 2 through Ace, each card had something for you to do. King: guys drink, Queen: b****es drink or hoes drink, 4: I never…, 7: person to your left drinks, and so on.  The tasks varied, but there was always the demeaning term for women used. If I drew that Queen, I wouldn’t take a drink, “I’m not a hoe, so I’m not doing it.” AHHH, COME’ON! OKAY, GIRLS DRINK THEN! I apparently I was taking it too serious. I hated drinking games anyway.

Some women use “Hey B****” or “hey slut” just as casual openers between friends. Hearing women use those words towards each other always appalled me. Those words were meant to hurt us, why use them towards each other for fun? Or the infamous, I can say it but you can’t philosophy.

So this “taking Slut back” movement confuses me. I just want to say, Honey, why are you calling yourself a slut? To show Men that you are Not a slut? To prove to those that judge you, that you are Not a slut?

Its like middle school or high school logic. Call a girl a slut and watch her try to prove that she isn’t one. No matter what she says after that makes her look like she’s lying. Its like calling someone crazy. BUT IM NOT CRAZY! Well, that’s what crazy people say. IM NOT AN ADDICT! Well, that’s what addicts say. IM NOT A CHILD MOLESTER! Well, that’s what a child molester would say. I DIDN’T KILL THAT PERSON! Well, that’s what someone that killed that person would say. Its never ending. Theres no way out. If someone accuses you of having sex with someone that you did not have sex with, you cannot prove that you never had sex with them. All you have is your word.

Words are powerful. To re-label yourself a slut in effort to prove that you aren’t one doesn’t make sense. To bathe in hurtful and vulgar words does not show self-actualization, enlightenment or wisdom. If you are not striving for either of those three terms, what are you shouting for then?

Now I remember I have been called names. Working with teenagers that are “locked up” in facilities, you will be called anything and everything. The worst of the worst, C**T.  I’ve been yelled at, cussed at, threatened, and postured towards. I’ve had chairs thrown in my direction. Being the victim of physical and verbal aggression was nothing to be shocked by. Within the last week, I was called a “Mexican hoe” by teenage boys. Was it ridiculous? Yes. Was I irritated? Yes. Am I a Mexican hoe? No? I am Mexican so…it doesn’t matter. I continued on with the expectation that they did not follow, but I practiced emotional intelligence and judged them solely on their merits of being teenage boys. I did not break into anger, and political protest. I’m not raging against teenage boys or men.

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry… James 1:19

He who is slow to anger has great understanding, But he who is quick-tempered exalts folly. Proverbs 14:29

Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret–it leads only to evil.  For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land. Psalm 37:8-9

Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city. Proverbs 16:32

Verse after verse, the Bible reiterates this message about anger. In case you think the Bible is crap, here is some psychology:

“Anger can make us blind to the truth and unable to accept what’s sensible and correct. When anger is the primary emotion being felt, we become less able to think and act rationally and in some cases, even our senses do not work properly because of extreme anger.”

http://www.psychologistanywhereanytime.com/emotional_problems_psychologist/pyschologist_anger.htm

Some people live day to day with chronic stress, presumably anger. Some do their best to keep their anger at bay or manage it as an active volcano. I am certainly not one of those people. I get truly angry about once a year. I let things go and forgive even when I don’t always know it. I wasn’t supposed to talk to her, dammit. Oh well.

Anger is considered a secondary emotion. Secondary to HURT/PAIN. We mask our hurt feelings with anger. Anger pushes people away. Ive struggled the most with trying to help many teenagers with their issues all the while they are doing everything they can to push people away. Angry people make it hard for us to help them. They push us to the point where we consider walking away. And many people do walk away.

In effort to redefine a hurtful term, as one of twisted sense of empowerment, you have made the people you are shouting at turn away or look in amusement. See they are saying they are sluts, proving us right. Calling yourself a slut will not make others realize they shouldn’t call you a slut. Escalating yourselves will not teach others how they are wrong. It will not intimidate them into changing their ways. It will not shame them as you have been shamed. Your aggressive language towards yourself (and those you claim to be fighting for) does nothing to them. You cannot change others. You can only change yourself and I suggest taking the word Slut out of your vocabulary to start.

u

In reaction to a man touching (rape/assault) your body (your most sacred parts) without your consent, you expose your body (your most sacred parts) to even more men in public with pride. Circular reasoning.

Related reading: http://www.girlsgonewise.com/five-problems-i-have-with-slutwalk-marches/

http://theprayingwoman.com/2014/12/08/because-he-knows-my-pain/

http://outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/Gaslighting.html

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/showing-grace-era-cultural-outrage

http://en.gravatar.com/that1liana

Standard
Gender Issues, History, Women

the War on Eve

 Female Genital Mutilation. Rape. Domestic Violence. Molestation. Female Infanticide. Acid Burning. Sex Slavery. Murder.

image

The Women’s Movement was meant to Liberate us. Liberate us from what? I thought this was America? Land of the Free. I have Rights, dontcha know? Even with Rights & Freedoms, women still suffer. They suffer in every spec of space in the world. There are women in basements and inside walls barely clothed if at all. They are treated as reusable semen dumpsters. Their souls are annihilated with each use. Female infants, toddlers, girls, teens, and adult women are raped repeatedly. I feel nauseated typing these sentences because I can see them clearly. Women and girls with tears in their eyes, staring at ceilings hoping there is an end, praying that they just die. Doors being opened to see a small child maybe 4 years old, a negotiation of a price. A few green papers to use a child’s body for an orgasm. There is a war taking place and its been raging since the book of Genesis. The war is on Eve. You & me.

I’m not meant to just stay quiet* I’m meant to be a lion* I’ll roar beyond a song

Those are lyrics to a popular song that I love right now. There was a popular song in the 70s, ” I am Woman. Hear Me Roar.” That was a feminist’s anthem. Those lyrics in bold are my battle cry. I am a Defender of Femininity. I believe in the royal status God gave to women. I’m on a mission to restore my femininity. When God made Woman, he literally broke the mold. The mold was Himself in which he created Adam. Adam came from dust. And after Adam and God spent some time together, God realized there was something missing. He knocked Adam out and took a rib from Adam. From that rib He created Woman. She was unlike anything else. She was God’s cherry on top! The last touch of finesse! The frosting on the cake! Why didn’t God stir up some dust like He did with Adam? Because He knew this new creation had to be different! Had to be even more grand than the last! Eve was made from Adam because she was meant to be protected and governed by Adam. Can you imagine being so beautiful that you are guaranteed protection and provision? That is how we were meant to live. Adam and Eve (you and me) were meant to live in a beautiful garden. No traffic. no winter storms. no bills. no crime. no problems!  Man was supposed to take care of Woman, and Woman take care of Man. We were given different gifts and talents and it was going to be great!

This next piece of information is not entirely me. The book “Captivating” by Stasi and John Eldredge, the author’s write about Satan’s hate for Eve. Satan was once a beautiful angel, highly adored by God. However, because of his pride and desire to be God, he was cast out of Heaven. He was sent to live here (with us!). Satan was so prideful and arrogant, he became jealous of Eve. Simply, because his beauty had been out-done! Satan was a bit of a diva if you ask me. So he targeted Eve in the garden. Notice he never once enticed Adam to eat any fruit. He simply slithered out towards Eve and incited doubt. In her own sinful nature, decided that God was holding out on her. I admit plenty of times feeling like God was holding out on things and experiences from me. Can you? What do you believe God is holding out on you? Money? Success? A relationship? a Job? In an instant she decided that she knew better than God. *Insert curses now* Adam well…where was he? He was there but didn’t say anything. Personality defect: passivity. <*Satan also became angry with Eve because she blamed him when God confronted her.* She stated, “The serpent deceived me…” He had wanted Eve to reject God but she did not.> His trap did not go as planned. God served us with an Eviction Notice and some horrible curses.

One in particular stands out. “You’re desire will be for you husband, and he will rule over you.” *Patriarchy* Our love-hate relationship is a punishment for our sin in the garden. TBH I’m kinda irked by my ancestral grandparents. Here I am struggling to pay my bills, having menstrual cramps, plagued with unrequited love….I could be living in botanical bliss!

Life on earth is no easy task. We are cursed and attacked by Satan constantly. He is waging war on our spirits. Maybe you are reading this now and realizing how much as a woman you have suffered and endured. You think I was used, abused, spat on, kicked, punched, tortured, and so much more. I hope you see this is Satan not your fellow brother, Man. It may quite literally have been your brother molesting you, a father, uncle, boyfriend, husband that has stomped on your heart and soul. But Satan will use the sins of others to get to you and me. You can turn your heart cold towards men. Become bitter. Decide you can take care of yourself and complain later that men aint S***.  And in the same breath hypocritically, you can continue to do your best to snag a man with flirtatious and raunchy texts, short skirts and pouty lips. Two outcomes will occur: You will still get hurt. Your appetite for love will never be satisfied.

There is hope though. You CAN be LIBERATED! Liberated in Christ. Jesus’ death of the cross was for you. So you do not have to live with the chains on your wrists or on your heart. The war will continue but you will be equipped and trained to fight. You may even get to train up others. I know this because I’m in training right now. I’m studying how to fight the enemy. I’m studying how to arm myself. My soul is not going down without a fight. I’m not meant to stay quiet, I’m meant to be a LION.

image

Related reading: http://www.ryot.org/photos-these-women-were-doused-in-acid-for-turning-down-marriage-proposals/559641
http://www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs241/en/
http://sheikyermami.com/2015/03/women-have-no-need-for-their-genitalia-unless-you-are-a-whore/

http://liveactionnews.org/woman-aborts-18-girls-pregnant-son-husband-wanted/

http://m.clarionproject.org/news/150-isis-sex-slaves-commit-suicide-some-fed-dogs

Related Music: He Knows My Name by Francesca Battistelli, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYpBgJHmGmw

http://en.gravatar.com/that1liana

Standard
The Cross

Feminism or Nah?

So welcome everyone to my new and first blog! To give you some background, I used to call myself a feminist. I took a Women’s Studies class in high school and many in college. Now I am almost 30 years old and I believe  in a differently ideology. One where someone else (not a woman) is at the forefront. *WHAT DID SHE JUST SAY? You read it right. The King of my heart is Jesus Christ and I am His child. If that makes me a frilly little princess than so be it. One second in His Kingdom is better than any century spent here on earth. Hopefully, my insights, observations, and analysis that I will present in this blog can begin to give you a glimpse of my transformation.  Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17. Oh No! That said “if any *man*…” I should reject the Bible, Jesus, Christianity, Church etc because its patriarchal and outdated! Exit now and Proceed to Feminism. Well looks like you got it figured out. Close out of this blog and keep ranting about Equal Pay and Rape Culture and any other hot trending topic whilst you sit around with your friends eating sushi and secretly wishing you were a Kardashian. This will be a forum for those that admit and agree the following:

1. I do not have it all together

2. I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired

3. There must be Something more to life

4. Happiness is not a destination

5. I’m am not in control of everything

6. The leaders of the Women’s Movement did not fight for twerking, the Hook-Up Culture, a woman’s right to perpetuate the sex industry, and other such abominations.

7. I believe that Men and Women are equally beautiful and deserve to be Respected and Loved.

8. I take responsibility for my emotions and decisions.

9. I do wish I could be involved in a healthy loving successful committed monogamous relationship with someone.

10. I respect the right to agree to disagree.

I believe the world is going to Hell in a designer bag and stilettos. I will use my creativity and writing pizazz to try illustrate how badly we all need Jesus and who He really is. Not just some white guy hipster with long hair during No-Shave November. To me, He is as real as you and me. God knew him in his mother’s womb just like he knew you and me. Before I formed you in the womb I knew you……Jeremiah 1:5. He was a Radical man. He was arrested and wasn’t on Death Row for long. He was humiliated and beaten relentlessly. Police Brutality on steroids. If it were today, there would be moral outrage. Jesus would have Gloria Allred, Johnnie Cochran, Mark O’Mara on the defense team. We would have watched CNN religiously *no pun intended.* Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton would provide non stop commentary. We would post pics #takingupmycross #freeJesus #wearecrucified.  Jesus would receive millions in emotional compensation. But instead they did kill him and all but three people went home that day. His body nailed with stakes to the cross. Blood dripping from everywhere. The point I leave you with today is that,

He did it all for YOU.

image

 

http://en.gravatar.com/that1liana

Standard