Quick Read, The Cross, video

Sola Gratia: will you testify?

 

 

Tonight I shared this message at my work place during a monthly celebration of the guests in our recovery program. Last month, after the celebration I typed up this message and had the idea to play this music video in the background to illustrate my main points. I know that God has messages in me, I just have to step up and out to share them. The following is my message I shared.

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****I thought I had a unique way of thinking about God and Jesus for some time, then Justus came out with this video and it brought it to a whole other level.

I have a vision of the court room. I’m/we’re the defendant sitting on the right side. The county attorney is on the left. The judge is in front of us on his bench.

Many of you know this scene and what it feels like. Your life is in someone else’s hands. You’re not sure what the outcome will be. Hoping you got a “good” judge. Hoping your attorney has done the best for you. A lot is on the line.

Maybe it was a very public high profile case. Maybe it was your first time facing a judge. Your family might have your back or they deserted you already. No one can bail you out and your friends are nowhere to be found. You’re having to stand on your own and face the consequences.

Many people know of God the Father as a Judge. He will judge us all on Judgement Day. But most leave it as that. God is a judge. God judges me. It doesn’t matter what I do, we’re all doomed. So what’s the point?

In my career, I’ve been an unofficial and official advocate. I’ve gone to court with people to offer support and encouragement. That’s what an advocate does. The Holy Spirit is our advocate. The bible calls him our Advocate in John 14:26. The Holy Spirit is on your right side holding you up when you’re not strong enough.

But on your left, you have the greatest attorney ever, Jesus.

In fact, if you see it the way I’ve come to see it – its that God tipped the scales of justice in favor of us by sending us Jesus. We’ve sinned against God so we can’t go to Heaven but He gave us Jesus so that we can go to Heaven to be with Him.

Can you imagine going to court tomorrow, and your attorney is the judge’s son? Wouldn’t you feel pretty good? I know that God the Father has the same heart for you that Jesus his son does. God the Judge has the same heart for you that Jesus the attorney does.

Jesus approaches the Judge in the court of heaven, as Satan the Accuser (that’s in the bible too) approaches the Judge and accuses you of all the things you’ve done. He tells God you’re a liar, an adultery, fornicator, thief, idolater, murderer etc. He hates you. Jesus stands before the
Father,
I know this man. I know this woman. This is my Friend
my brother
This is my sister
She loves me. He loves me. I can vouch for him. I know her heart. She’s clean. He’s repented. I’ve cleansed them.

Knowing that your attorney is the judge’ son, do you see how the Accuser has nothing on you? At best all he can do is accuse. If you give your life to Christ, and follow Christ and let the Holy Spirit dwell on the inside of you— you will be washed CLEAN. The Accuser will have no case against you. He will not have any evidence. God the Father didn’t have to send someone to take our charge, to take our punishment. But HE LOVED US SO MUCH HE STILL WANTED US EVEN AFTER ALL WE”VE DONE TO GRIEVE HIM. DESPITE THE SORROW HE FEELS TIME AFTER TIME BECAUSE WE BECOME HIS FOES. HE STILL WANTS US. HE DOESN’T WANT TO LISTEN TO THE ACCUSER. SO WHY DO WE LISTEN TO HIM? When Christ let out, “It is finished.” That’s what he meant. The accuser is finished. Shame is finished. Self Harm is finished. Self hate is finished. He took all of that. He took our sins to the Cross but also the pain, the infliction, the wounds of the heart and mind.

All of this stuff already happened. These are facts and truth. All we have to do is RECEIVE this Truth. Do you now why Jesus came? Most will say to save us, that’s part of it. But in his own words to Pilate, the regional leader of the Roman empire, just before Jesus was sentenced to a crucifixion, Pilate asked Jesus if he was a king. Jesus tells him, “ …in FACT, the reason I was born and came into this world is to testify to the truth. Everyone on the side of truth listens to me.” John 18:37

Jesus-before-Pilate

He came to testify ( def: give evidence as a witness in a court of law, serve as proof of something existing, something being the case) to the truth.
Will you stand with Jesus and testify to the Truth? Will you stop listening to the lies of the Accuser?

–Prayer:

Jesus, I want to receive you as Truth, please show me how. I want to reject the Accuser’s lies, please show me how. Your will not mine. In Jesus name, Amen.

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Journaling, sex, Transformation

A Lonely Girl’s Cry

I’ve been pursuing deeper things with the Lord lately and examining the issue of soul ties. Soul ties are the bonds we make with others. They can be healthy or toxic, Kingdom building or Kingdom breaking, holy or unholy.

Recently I looked through a workbook from a transformative conference my church calls, All Access. In the conference we cover the deeper topics of Identity, Generational Inequity, Father & Mother Wounds, Inner Vows, Soul Ties and more. I’ve participated a few times in the past couple of years. Each time new issues in my heart and mind are brought to light. Soul ties are always on the forefront of my quest. I have on multiple occassions prayed prayers breaking soul ties to people of my past, specifically sexual in nature. Honestly, each time I do I haven’t felt much happening after that. I’ve prayed but the pull in my soul still persists.

During one of the sessions at All Access, a deep intricate thought came to me but I didnt jot it down in my notes. I assumed it was such an epiphany that I’d remember later…but…I didn’t remember! Grrr! About a week later I reviewed my notes and tried desperately to remember that great thought. I searched the internet for more information on soul ties and watched a teaching video from Jennifer LeClaire. The link to the video is at the bottom of this post.

Everything I read included the steps to breaking soul ties. One of the steps was always to get rid of mementos or gifts, anything that could link you back to the soul tie. I kept thinking I don’t have any objects at all, nothing. I have gotten rid of things like that. But the Holy Spirit reminded me I had journals in boxes in my closet. He told me to get rid of them. Its true, I had journals and journals of documentation of the past, exploits with men and all kinds of unrighteous and spiritually dead themes.

Amongst these journals I had been holding onto a photograph of myself and my “first love” from 2002. He was my first sexual partner and yes first love. He died in 2011 of alcohol poisoning. Sad & Alone. We hadn’t been a couple since 2004. There were some brief sexual encounters years later. I hesitated putting the picture in the throw away box. It was the last item that would link us together.

There were many more stories I threw away in between all those pages.

Included was a play by play of the unrequited love that defined my life. Someone I wanted to be with since I first slept with him. Talk about a Stage 5 clinger! He NEVER wanted me more than to sleep with and I wanted it all from him. To this day I’ve still wanted him. This person has always been the object of my soul tie prayers. I’ve *always* been conflicted about it.

At All Access, our Pastor’s wife (oversees all counseling needs at our church) said something about being Bonded to Loneliness. Those pages were filled with a lonely girl’s cry, confusion, rejection, insecurity etc. Thats been the theme of my heart for decades, and I’m only 32! On that day, March 12th, I threw away all the old scripts and memories. I know I have to cling to the New Life Jesus gave me.

Did magic happen on that day? No. God is not a magician. I’m unaware of what all took place in the spirit realm when I followed through with the Holy Spirit’s directive to throw away those journals. I’m unaware of all the unholy doors that were slammed and bolted shut that day. Im unaware of what Heaven is is now able to do on my behalf because of my obedience. I dont know everything but I know it was a move I had to make to get closer to Jesus and the Father.

Related Videos:

Related Reading:

https://www.charismamag.com/spirit/spiritual-warfare/25853-7-signs-of-an-unhealthy-soul-tie

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Gender Issues, Men

a Nice Guy…

https://recoveringfeminist.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/850a9-lawlesstomhardy.jpg

“Well aren’t there any guys at your church?”

Asked by many a non-churchy friend. Yes,  I am 29 years old. Yes, my last relationship was two years ago.  Yes,  I “go to church.” And, yes there are guys there too.

There are three points I want to make clear with this post on this topic.

1. My faith is not a recreational activity.

2. Church is not Christian Mingle in real life.

3. I’m not looking for a Nice Guy.

When you ask me the innocent and dreaded question, you are implying all of the above. There are some men and women that I know that take their health extremely serious. They are in the gym everyday at 5am and/or every evening. They set goals for themselves and achieve them. They are constantly working to improve the function, strength and stamina of their bodies. Continuously pushing their limits. They eat clean, and prep their meals in advance for the upcoming week. Whereas I continuously skip meals, coffee is often my breakfast and lunch. I enjoy a frozen pizza and cold high-fructose corn syrup in a can. When I see a lovely donut, they see garbage. They ingest more protein in a day then I can in a week. They are usually well versed in food education and often are sought after for fitness advice from everyone. Some have chosen to not put poison into their body like drugs and alcohol. They are passionate and excited about their lifestyle and life system. They make jokes like “Does he even lift?” “Do you even squat?” *Insert laughter now* Calling each other BEASTS. They are Beasts for whatever joy they experience directly associated with their daily choices and progress. For these people, working out and “going to the gym” is not recreation. It is their way of life. They wake up and live and breath that stuff.

And so, please think of me as one of these people. But instead of the gym, I’m in a church multiple days a week. I set goals for myself and have achieved them. I continue to push myself spiritually and in my obedience to God. I prep my choices and attitude in advance by praying and engaging in like-minded conversations with others. Instead of being well versed in food, calories, protein, and vitamins, I’m working to be well versed in Scripture and all materials related to Christian reading. I try to ingest what is holy. When I see sexually explicit images (which are practically everywhere), I see garbage. I have chosen to not put poison into my body like drugs and alcohol. I am passionate and excited about my lifestyle and life system. I make jokes like “God sure has blessed him!” “I need a spiritual leader in my household!” “I’ll be his Proverbs 31 Woman!” *Insert laughter now* Now, I’m not sure I want to label myself a BEAST for Jesus but you can connect the dots. My commitments and priorities now outweigh those of the past. I am not who I used to be. Just as some of those people are no longer overweight or scrawny, but physical powerhouses. I’m striving to a spiritual powerhouse. So please understand if you haven’t heard from me in awhile or if I haven’t participated in extra curricular activities with you, I am in a different arena now. I’m living life in a grander stadium now. I’m not in the game to just find a male companion to have sex with, play house with, or to validate my beauty and value as a woman.

I am a sinner. All of us are. Even the “guys at church.” Knowing where I have been, I completely understand where some of the young men at my church could have been. Some cliche Facebook stalking has revealed the past of some of my male counterparts. They used to party like me. Some pictures reveal the same bars or clubs I used to frequent. We could have been in the same bar at the same time six or seven years ago. I’m sure they have slept with many women. I’m sure they struggle with sexual purity and a pure thought life like I do. I’m sure they contributed to disrespecting women by using them like I have used men. I’m sure they are still figuring out who they are in this newer life. Church is not our new bar scene. Its where we come together to practice being the Man or Woman God has planned for us to be. We begin to desire healthy relationships, boundaries, and Marriages arranged by God. We begin to see a relationship without God is doomed because we are too imperfect to make one last ourselves. Our desires for the Marriages and Families we never had are so strong we honestly put our fleshy desires on the back burner. We struggle with our exes, past flings, and attractive un-Believers popping up anywhere and everywhere, distracting us and even contributing to us falling back into our old ways at times. We are not perfect. Because we get out of bed on Sunday mornings and head to the same place does not mean we are emotionally and spiritually able to manage and tend to the responsibility of loving another person. If you think church is comprised of “just nice guys” you are naive.

The men that attend church can be adulterers, fornicators, liars, cheaters, manipulators, mama’s boys, lazy, selfish, controlling, abusive, ego-maniacs, shy, timid, quiet, fun, respectful, aloof, wealthy, musicians, entrepreneurs, sensitive, loyal, fast food workers, teachers, I could go on and on. They are some of the same men you have met before but you didn’t know they were “Christian” because they didn’t tell you or they didn’t live it. I am 18 pages in to Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. I was destined to read this book because on page 12, he writes about Legends of the Fall (1994). *Side note: This is the year I fell in love with Brad Pitt* The author describes the movie and the three main characters briefly. He describes the more popular character of Tristan played by Brad. Tristan is the wild man, long hair-dont care. He spends long periods of time out of the house, independent of his family. Each time he returns to the ranch it is almost unexpected. He’s not afraid to get his hands dirty, he welcomes adventure and challenge. Hes tough and bold. He allows his wildness to only be tamed towards the end of the movie, this short lived though. In comparison to his older and younger brother, he steals the spotlight. Older brother Alfred, is responsible, sensible. He becomes a business man and later a politician. Younger brother Samuel, is boyish and college educated school boy. He dies in battle during World War II predictably unprepared for the grit involved. John Eldredge points out in his book, “I have yet to meet a man who wants to be Alfred or Samuel. I’ve yet to meet a woman who wants to marry one.” Please don’t take this the wrong way that politicians and school boys are not attractive to women. However, there is something about Tristan the wild one, the one untamed. Untamed by Feminism. Another character I fell in love with is Forrest Bondurant epically played by Tom Hardy from the movie Lawless (2012). Forrest is a bootlegger during Prohibition. He is a living legend during his day. He is myth and intimidates many. The other local bootleggers follow his lead. He goes to battle for his brothers and the beauty of the movie. He is tough and says, “I’m a Bondurant, and we dont back down from nobody.” Maybe I have a thing for outlaws. The inner most feminine parts of me are attracted to these men because they are untamed. They are bold, courageous, they are not “yes men.” They lead, lead at work, lead at home, lead in the community, and some coach little league. They don’t run and hide when things get dangerous. They speak with authority and aren’t afraid to put others in their place when needed. When they walk into the room you can know everything will be alright. These men may have long hair or short hair. He may be tall or not really. He may have arms of tattoos or wear a button up shirt. These men may have biceps on their biceps, or not so much. But these are the qualities I prefer in a man. I’m not looking for a smiling “whatever you want babe” kinda guy. I want to be overwhelmed by his masculine energy. A man that is tender when the time is right and ready to fight for me, God, family, the community when the time calls. Besides the only time you really seek out a Nice Guy is when the bane of your existence crushes your soul. You limp away from the horror and say “I need to find a nice guy” aka the safe guy. A guy that will remain in the friend zone with you while you recover and go out to find yourself another man to rip out your heart again. I don’t want a male BFF to paint my nails with. I want a man that will go to battle for me and take me on a great adventure.

*Dont drag this out and take away that women [or me] are attracted to criminals, bootleggers, or crazies! There are qualities that those characters embody that make them sought after.

More: Another non-Nice guy character I love is Frank Chambers played by Josh Brolin from the movie Labor Day. He is an escaped convict that commandeers a woman and her son over a Labor Day weekend. Over the weekend, he provides a tenderness, wildness, and brings an unmatched soulful masculinity to this desolate woman. I am captivated by their relationship and now long to make a peach pie with a man. Don’t judge me. Frank begins to complete chores around the house, he cooks, and fixes the broken things. He cares for the woman by making a difficult life easier for her. He teaches her son how to properly throw and catch a baseball. Though his future is uncertain, he provides a soft and safe place for her feminine heart to rest. For that is he brave. He begins a love and life with the risk of losing it just as quick as it started. He loves and delights in all the things her ex-husband threw to the curb. This character is a great balance of masculinity. Tender, protective, brave, wild, dangerous.
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Related reading:

http://www.faithit.com/10-things-christianity-is-not/

http://themattwalshblog.com/2014/04/07/jesus-didnt-care-about-being-nice-or-tolerant-and-neither-should-you/
http://theprayingwoman.com/2014/11/06/christian-dating-7-signs-theyre-not-willing-to-commit/
http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/im-looking-just-husband/#disqus_threadhttp://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/church/it-meets-my-needs-and-other-bad-reasons-choosing-church

http://www.girldefined.com/call-manhood-part-1

 

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http://en.gravatar.com/that1liana

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