Journaling, sex, Transformation

A Lonely Girl’s Cry

I’ve been pursuing deeper things with the Lord lately and examining the issue of soul ties. Soul ties are the bonds we make with others. They can be healthy or toxic, Kingdom building or Kingdom breaking, holy or unholy.

Recently I looked through a workbook from a transformative conference my church calls, All Access. In the conference we cover the deeper topics of Identity, Generational Inequity, Father & Mother Wounds, Inner Vows, Soul Ties and more. I’ve participated a few times in the past couple of years. Each time new issues in my heart and mind are brought to light. Soul ties are always on the forefront of my quest. I have on multiple occassions prayed prayers breaking soul ties to people of my past, specifically sexual in nature. Honestly, each time I do I haven’t felt much happening after that. I’ve prayed but the pull in my soul still persists.

During one of the sessions at All Access, a deep intricate thought came to me but I didnt jot it down in my notes. I assumed it was such an epiphany that I’d remember later…but…I didn’t remember! Grrr! About a week later I reviewed my notes and tried desperately to remember that great thought. I searched the internet for more information on soul ties and watched a teaching video from Jennifer LeClaire. The link to the video is at the bottom of this post.

Everything I read included the steps to breaking soul ties. One of the steps was always to get rid of mementos or gifts, anything that could link you back to the soul tie. I kept thinking I don’t have any objects at all, nothing. I have gotten rid of things like that. But the Holy Spirit reminded me I had journals in boxes in my closet. He told me to get rid of them. Its true, I had journals and journals of documentation of the past, exploits with men and all kinds of unrighteous and spiritually dead themes.

Amongst these journals I had been holding onto a photograph of myself and my “first love” from 2002. He was my first sexual partner and yes first love. He died in 2011 of alcohol poisoning. Sad & Alone. We hadn’t been a couple since 2004. There were some brief sexual encounters years later. I hesitated putting the picture in the throw away box. It was the last item that would link us together.

There were many more stories I threw away in between all those pages.

Included was a play by play of the unrequited love that defined my life. Someone I wanted to be with since I first slept with him. Talk about a Stage 5 clinger! He NEVER wanted me more than to sleep with and I wanted it all from him. To this day I’ve still wanted him. This person has always been the object of my soul tie prayers. I’ve *always* been conflicted about it.

At All Access, our Pastor’s wife (oversees all counseling needs at our church) said something about being Bonded to Loneliness. Those pages were filled with a lonely girl’s cry, confusion, rejection, insecurity etc. Thats been the theme of my heart for decades, and I’m only 32! On that day, March 12th, I threw away all the old scripts and memories. I know I have to cling to the New Life Jesus gave me.

Did magic happen on that day? No. God is not a magician. I’m unaware of what all took place in the spirit realm when I followed through with the Holy Spirit’s directive to throw away those journals. I’m unaware of all the unholy doors that were slammed and bolted shut that day. Im unaware of what Heaven is is now able to do on my behalf because of my obedience. I dont know everything but I know it was a move I had to make to get closer to Jesus and the Father.

Related Videos:

Related Reading:

https://www.charismamag.com/spirit/spiritual-warfare/25853-7-signs-of-an-unhealthy-soul-tie

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Gender Issues, History, Women

the War on Eve

 Female Genital Mutilation. Rape. Domestic Violence. Molestation. Female Infanticide. Acid Burning. Sex Slavery. Murder.

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The Women’s Movement was meant to Liberate us. Liberate us from what? I thought this was America? Land of the Free. I have Rights, dontcha know? Even with Rights & Freedoms, women still suffer. They suffer in every spec of space in the world. There are women in basements and inside walls barely clothed if at all. They are treated as reusable semen dumpsters. Their souls are annihilated with each use. Female infants, toddlers, girls, teens, and adult women are raped repeatedly. I feel nauseated typing these sentences because I can see them clearly. Women and girls with tears in their eyes, staring at ceilings hoping there is an end, praying that they just die. Doors being opened to see a small child maybe 4 years old, a negotiation of a price. A few green papers to use a child’s body for an orgasm. There is a war taking place and its been raging since the book of Genesis. The war is on Eve. You & me.

I’m not meant to just stay quiet* I’m meant to be a lion* I’ll roar beyond a song

Those are lyrics to a popular song that I love right now. There was a popular song in the 70s, ” I am Woman. Hear Me Roar.” That was a feminist’s anthem. Those lyrics in bold are my battle cry. I am a Defender of Femininity. I believe in the royal status God gave to women. I’m on a mission to restore my femininity. When God made Woman, he literally broke the mold. The mold was Himself in which he created Adam. Adam came from dust. And after Adam and God spent some time together, God realized there was something missing. He knocked Adam out and took a rib from Adam. From that rib He created Woman. She was unlike anything else. She was God’s cherry on top! The last touch of finesse! The frosting on the cake! Why didn’t God stir up some dust like He did with Adam? Because He knew this new creation had to be different! Had to be even more grand than the last! Eve was made from Adam because she was meant to be protected and governed by Adam. Can you imagine being so beautiful that you are guaranteed protection and provision? That is how we were meant to live. Adam and Eve (you and me) were meant to live in a beautiful garden. No traffic. no winter storms. no bills. no crime. no problems!  Man was supposed to take care of Woman, and Woman take care of Man. We were given different gifts and talents and it was going to be great!

This next piece of information is not entirely me. The book “Captivating” by Stasi and John Eldredge, the author’s write about Satan’s hate for Eve. Satan was once a beautiful angel, highly adored by God. However, because of his pride and desire to be God, he was cast out of Heaven. He was sent to live here (with us!). Satan was so prideful and arrogant, he became jealous of Eve. Simply, because his beauty had been out-done! Satan was a bit of a diva if you ask me. So he targeted Eve in the garden. Notice he never once enticed Adam to eat any fruit. He simply slithered out towards Eve and incited doubt. In her own sinful nature, decided that God was holding out on her. I admit plenty of times feeling like God was holding out on things and experiences from me. Can you? What do you believe God is holding out on you? Money? Success? A relationship? a Job? In an instant she decided that she knew better than God. *Insert curses now* Adam well…where was he? He was there but didn’t say anything. Personality defect: passivity. <*Satan also became angry with Eve because she blamed him when God confronted her.* She stated, “The serpent deceived me…” He had wanted Eve to reject God but she did not.> His trap did not go as planned. God served us with an Eviction Notice and some horrible curses.

One in particular stands out. “You’re desire will be for you husband, and he will rule over you.” *Patriarchy* Our love-hate relationship is a punishment for our sin in the garden. TBH I’m kinda irked by my ancestral grandparents. Here I am struggling to pay my bills, having menstrual cramps, plagued with unrequited love….I could be living in botanical bliss!

Life on earth is no easy task. We are cursed and attacked by Satan constantly. He is waging war on our spirits. Maybe you are reading this now and realizing how much as a woman you have suffered and endured. You think I was used, abused, spat on, kicked, punched, tortured, and so much more. I hope you see this is Satan not your fellow brother, Man. It may quite literally have been your brother molesting you, a father, uncle, boyfriend, husband that has stomped on your heart and soul. But Satan will use the sins of others to get to you and me. You can turn your heart cold towards men. Become bitter. Decide you can take care of yourself and complain later that men aint S***.  And in the same breath hypocritically, you can continue to do your best to snag a man with flirtatious and raunchy texts, short skirts and pouty lips. Two outcomes will occur: You will still get hurt. Your appetite for love will never be satisfied.

There is hope though. You CAN be LIBERATED! Liberated in Christ. Jesus’ death of the cross was for you. So you do not have to live with the chains on your wrists or on your heart. The war will continue but you will be equipped and trained to fight. You may even get to train up others. I know this because I’m in training right now. I’m studying how to fight the enemy. I’m studying how to arm myself. My soul is not going down without a fight. I’m not meant to stay quiet, I’m meant to be a LION.

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Related reading:

NEW as of November 21, 2018 : https://www.dailywire.com/news/38597/judge-rules-federal-law-banning-female-genital-hank-berrien

http://www.ryot.org/photos-these-women-were-doused-in-acid-for-turning-down-marriage-proposals/559641
http://www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs241/en/
http://sheikyermami.com/2015/03/women-have-no-need-for-their-genitalia-unless-you-are-a-whore/

http://liveactionnews.org/woman-aborts-18-girls-pregnant-son-husband-wanted/

http://m.clarionproject.org/news/150-isis-sex-slaves-commit-suicide-some-fed-dogs

Related Music: He Knows My Name by Francesca Battistelli, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYpBgJHmGmw

http://en.gravatar.com/that1liana

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