Gender Issues, History, International, Men, Women

The UNfeminist Critique of The Handmaid’s Tale

I realize I haven’t written material overtly related to feminism lately so what better topic than Hulu’s new show, The Handmaid’s Tale[THT] which source is the book by Margaret Atwood circa 1985. The year I was born.

Its no coincidence and I was made for such a time as this *Esther 4:14.

Not only does THT include issues of feminism but even more so, it includes the R word…Religion. 

Not Christianity. 

The Republic of Gilead uses scripture out of context for the sole purpose of exerting its will on the people. Christians should see this right away and know its not a far stretch from what Non- Christians already believe about Christianity as of 2017.

THT’s version of religion is one that depicts: rape, murder, sinful rage, PTSD, brain washing, fear, confusuon, hate crimes, manipulation, coercion, lies, torture, female genital mutilation, loveless and sexless marriages, depression, psychosis, and absolutely NO GOSPEL, NO JESUS as normal; “blessed be” daily living for everyone. 

All the feminist arguments are there and all the arguments against Faith are there. Its a sad, barren (sorry “Wives”) society.

Even the Commanders (well so far Commander  Waterford) appears disgusted by his role in the Ceremony. He is reduced to his reproductive abilities like a breeding stag. All relationships are formed out of formality and reproductive opportunities. Relationships are made not to bring joy but to enoforce human production. But who are they are arranged by?

The government. On the most superficial level Im sure liberals, athiests, democrats and feminists make the argument that the Republic of Gilead is DJT’s government. *excuse me while I roll my eyes into oblivion*

The Republic of Gilead is a dictatorship, Communist- Slave State, ridden with fundamentalism on the surface and a cult at the core.

The Republic renames its people, June becomes Offred which is just a plantation name not an individual name. No one is allowed to speak of life before. Handmaids are not allowed to read. Lynching is common. Rape is systematic. Violence is expected. Resistance is underground. Fertility is ruined by “environmental disasters”  ( Or… http://natural-fertility-info.com/aspartame.html). Women have no rights to money or property. 

Offred’s narration tells us “when they slaughtered Congress we didn’t wake up.” Within the 4 episodes we see June, Luke and Moira continue to minimize the tactics of the military force on their way of life, the American way of life.

When the barista called them sluts and ordered for them to leave the coffee shop. When women were told they had to leave the office because “its the law now,” they packed their boxes and left. When their accounts were frozen and their money transferred to the male next of kin.When June’s newborn was the only baby in the hospital nursery. 

Where were they these ideas were beginning  to saturate America? Where were they when our government waa being man-handled? Where were they?

Where were they when a militaristic terror group based on patriarchial religion was:

-Raping and selling women (http://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2016/09/isis-sex-slaves-auctioned-off-saudi-arabia-hillarys-top-donor-country/)

-Beheading people that dont believe what they believe

– Mutilating girls and women (http://www.freep.com/story/news/local/michigan/wayne/2017/04/26/feds-indict-3-genital-mutilation-case-2-docs-woman-head-trial/100930242)

-Making it law for women to cover their heads

– Throwing gays from buildings (http://www.jerusalemonline.com/news/middle-east/the-arab-world/isis-documented-throwing-gays-off-the-rooftops-of-buildings-25758)

– Rounding up LGBT for concentration camps (https://milo.yiannopoulos.net/2017/05/chechnya-parents-gays/)

Where were you then? I guess those horrors aren’t real unless they happen to White Feminism.

The grimace of the majority white cast of THT is sadly ironic as their horrors and trauma are centuries of daily life for the majority of the world- past, present and future. 

And DJT has nothing to do with it.

Your marches are cartoonish. Your cries for  equality (superiority) are the noise of toddlers that need their diapers changed. Your tweets always adolsecent. Your posters weak, pretentious and obnoxious. Your demands laughable compared to the needs of real women.

THT is your post- feminist America. Yoga pants, Starbucks and casual sex outlawed by gargantuan government you voted in and yielded to.

Remember that when you’re not welcome in your own city.

http://www.breitbart.com/london/2017/01/09/half-german-women-feel-unsafe-neighbourhoods/
http://m.france24.com/en/20161219-focus-france-women-suburbs-low-profile-discrimination-gender-segregation-cafes

http://www.dailywire.com/news/12159/video-muslim-migrants-france-segregate-suburbs-amanda-prestigiacomo

Related Reading:

http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2017/04/28/ayaan-hirsi-ali-female-genital-mutilation-and-what-were-really-talking-about-beneath-weasel-words-genital-cutting.html

http://thefederalist.com/2017/05/03/handmaids-tale-accidentally-gets-right-sex/

http://thefederalist.com/2017/04/27/handmaids-tale-isnt-christianity-conservatives-fundamentalism/

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Uncategorized

7 Reasons I’m a Hot Mess


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So I’ve been a hot mess trying to write about being a hot mess. I bought this mug over a month ago which quickly turned into me wanting it to be an inspiration for a blog post. I’ve started multiple times and dropped the pen each time. Many ideas have come but none of them withstanding. I’ve beaten myself up about it, pestered myself to get it done. My task oriented side competing with my artistic side. All the projects I’ve got to do.

Which brings us to my List.

7 Reasons I’m a Hot Mess (that Jesus loves)…

1. I’m halfway through many projects, tasks and ideas. The large mirror that’s been on my living room floor for probably a year? It’s supposed to hang above my couch but I don’t have the proper hardware. Like nails? Screws? Its large and heavy so I don’t want it crashing on me, cracking my head open one Wednesday evening. The two baby blankets I’ve been crocheting for my friend’s baby twins! I should have had those done months ago. The desk and dresser I no longer want. They are collecting dust and taking up space in my bedroom. Every weekend I declare to get rid of them. The DIY office-chest that’s just stuck on my Pinterest board. The few clothing items that need some mending. This list goes on and on.

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2. Monday through Friday my alarm is set for 6am. I snooze until 6:30am which gives me 30 minutes to get ready for work. Breakfast? No time. Coffee? If I’m lucky. Prayer? No time. Devotions? No time. Picking out my clothes? Barely. Preparing a lunch? Nope. Every week I vow to get it together. Just get up the first time and I wont have to rush.

3. I get obsessed with certain meals. Right now its a taco salad from Taco Bell. Don’t judge me. I rarely go to Taco Bell because my 30 year old gut cant always take it. So it was a surprise when I was there to discover such treasure. I think I’ve had 3 in a week. There is also the carne asada burrito on Mondays from a nearby drive-thru taqueria . The frozen margherita pizza in yellow box from the grocery store. I love it with Valentina hot sauce.

4. The gas light adventures. Anyone else wait for the gas light to come on before getting gas? I let my first car run out of gas three times! It doesn’t matter whether I have the money or not I just hate taking time to put gas in my car. I even bought a new (2015) car in the fall and told myself with this car it would be different, but its not.

5. I go MIA. I leave my friends confused especially after consistently hanging out and showing up to events. After awhile I just step back. I’ve always been this way, it comes and goes. I get texts asking where I’ve been and if I’m doing well. I get the “Don’t be a stranger” accompanied with a hug. I feel bad but I’m just me so I also don’t understand why its a big deal.

6. And… there’s always my LianaProblems. These are usually financial or vehicle related, sometimes & definitely intertwined. The time my car was impounded in the middle of the night due to super expired plates, the multiple days it sat in the impound lot because I didn’t have money to get it out nor pay for the new tags. The time my tire shredded on the highway because I never put air in it, days later the flat tire on the way home as a result of driving over a pot hole. The notices I receive in the mail for an old credit card I have yet to pay off. The gym membership that was set to auto-pay but couldnt charge my card when it expired. I never even went one time to that gym, but I owe them payment for a few months. The budget I created on a Dave Ramsey site that I don’t follow and now also avoid logging in.

7. Lets get real here, “Dating.” I have unusual views of dating. I feel like an anomaly when it comes to this topic. Everyone seems okay with meeting strangers and spending time with them, sometimes alone. Really? I think its weird. Going on a date with someone is so odd to me. Especially if its someone you don’t know well at all. How do I know I want to be seen with you in public? How do I know I want to spend my time with you? How do I know that I want to share a meal with you? Spending my time and physical space with people is a big thing for me. I have to like you already, have to know your basic nature, have to be comfortable with you already. I have to have decided on my own (on my own time) that I genuinely like you and your presence. You cant convince me to like you or that I should “give you a chance to get to know” you. For me, the best way to get to know me is by a natural sequence of events. It must be very organic and not orchestrated. I know I’m complicated.

That’s me…and more. My list could be longer, but I want to keep this post as light to medium as I can. It could be darker because my list does get darker. My hot messness gets deeper because I’m not perfect. I’m messed up. I’m a wreck without Jesus. Okay, I’m still a wreck even with Him, but He holds me up.

In the last three years I’ve put down many things. I’ve given up, sacrificed, behaviors and beliefs. I’ve given up sex, flirting and “going out” to bars, clubs and drinking alcohol. I have had small amounts of alcohol few and far in between. I actively and intentionally choose not to drink even when I want to.

Sex and alcohol, by themselves, don’t seem like much. There are ideologies and a frame of mind that comes with them. The acts themselves plus all the thoughts, emotions and the string of other behaviors- are a package deal.

Leaving sex behind also means I’m leaving behind the following: flirting, seducing, lusting, manipulation, power, ego, obsessive behavior, envy, selfishness, pride etc.

Leaving alcohol behind also means I’m leaving behind the following: drunkenness, poor decision making, ego, power, wasted money, impulsiveness, drunk driving, drunk texting etc.

If you think you can be out having sex and drinking without all the baggage you’re wrong. If you take about 5 seconds to examine your behavior you’re going to have to acknowledge these leeches you welcome. You have to admit to the wounds you’re trying to patch up. Wounds like: insecurity, pain, trauma, rejection, inferiority, emptiness, stress, fear etc.

Any band-aids or glue we try to repair our own brokenness is a cheap, weak substitute for the Real Deal named Christ.

When you leave your “bad habits” you’re left with your real issues. Your holes feel like they’re gaping with the cold wind blowing through. When sex and alcohol (and whatever else you’ve been choosing or used to choose) are no longer options is when you’ll really start to grow.   When you aren’t able to run to other things, you end up having to look yourself in the mirror. The broken mirror. You have to answer all the Whys. Why do I do this? Why do I feel like that? When you’re only option is Jesus, you’re setting yourself up for success.

You truly begin to mature. You no longer run to hide behind those vices. Even Adam tried to hide in the Garden, but God saw him and sees us. He sees your heart breaking and ego shattering. If you are ready to mature, you need to take your hot mess to the feet of the Cross. To Jesus’ feet. Lay all your cards on the table. Speak out loud that you cannot do it all yourself. You can’t fix yourself. A broken pot cannot repair its cracks, a tree cannot shine light on itself.

You’re a hot mess and so am I. It’s okay. Jesus loves your hot mess and He wants to make it less hot and less of a mess. Let Him.

Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.                                                                                                                                       Matthew 11:29-30

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Related Music: If We’re Honest- Francesca Battistelli https://youtu.be/ySa3Vu4FUW8

You are God- Sevin https://youtu.be/ehwJpVO4UGY

Blow My High- Sevin https://youtu.be/FIAMYOypb5A

Related Reading: Real Men Don’t Text by Ruthie & Michael Dean (2013)
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Men, Women

Doing Single Well

I’m not an expert in relationships. In fact, I’m sure a statistician could create a formula and generate some numbers to show that statistically speaking, I’m bad at them [relationships].

I haven’t been in many. They haven’t always lasted long. They’ve always failed. The guys? Umm… See Am I My Brother’s Keeper- I mention them briefly.

I’m not putting myself down. I’m being honest. I’m being Real. I’m not in the business of covering up my messes, my HOT messes. My walk with Christ in the most recent years, has revealed that those relationships/situationships were doomed from the beginning. Before they even started. Before a first kiss, a first glance. Doomed. Destined to fail.

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Since getting serious with God about three years ago, I have not been in a relationship. I have been single since May 2012.

I’m writing this piece as an expert at being single. A professional singleton. Here are my main tenets for being single, especially a “Christian” single:

  1. Know Yourself

Outside of and apart from some dude or chick, who are you really? Outside of trying to impress a potential lover. Apart from trying to win the affection and validation of another person. Visualize your life in the future or even now. What do you want in it?

Eventually and God willing, I want a husband. I want the boyfriend that will be the fiance, that will the husband, that will be the father of my children. I’d like to move out of my city to a smaller community on the outskirts. I’d like to home-school my children while they are young. I’d like to have a home that is accommodating enough that we can invite friends and family over for holidays and special occasions. I’d like to continue serving Christ and have a husband that does the same. I’d like to raise children against the grain. I’d also like to become a foster parent of older teens.

This is me. This is what I want for my life. You either want the same or you don’t.
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What don’t I want? Dysfunction. I detest dysfunction. I need someone that is just as committed as I am to living a life free of dysfunction.

If a guy doesn’t want to be my husband or the father of my children, he is not for me. If he is not committed to destroying the dysfunction in himself, he is not for me. If he chooses to not give his heart to Jesus Christ, he is not for me.

I’m seeing too many people trying to Churchify and Christianize some dude or chick they’re fooling around with. If you’ve already sinned with this person, what makes you think you can flirt or seduce them into coming to church with you and that somehow makes it all Right? Your attempt at fooling God is futile. He sees your deeds and sees your heart. Stop trying to validate, justify and impress yourself with all your church dates.

Some ladies need to know there are guys that will come to church with you as long as they think its one step closer to getting in your bed.

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God says that He knew you before you were born. Jeremiah 1:5

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14

“I am God’s child.
Galatians 3:26

I am Jesus’ friend.
John 15:15

I am a whole new person with a whole new life.
2 Corinthians 5:17

I am a place where God’s Spirit lives.
1 Corinthians 6:19

I am God’s Incredible work of art.
Ephesians 2:10

I am totally and completely forgiven.
1 John 1:9

I am created In God’s likeness.
Ephesians 4:24

I am spiritually alive.
Ephesians 2:5

I am a citizen of Heaven.
Philippians 3:20

I am God’s messenger to the world.
Acts 1:8

I am God’s disciple-maker.
Matthew 28:19

I am the salt of the earth.
Matthew 5:13

I am the light of the world.
Matthew 5:14

I am greatly loved.
Romans 5:8”

http://www.christianitytoday.com/iyf/faithandlife/devotionals/what-does-bible-say-about-me.html

You are who God says you are. Not what some dude or chick said. If your ego is getting fluffed up by “You’re hot” and “Hey Sexy,”… You Are in Danger. If your love tank is getting filled up by fornication, You’re On Your Death Bed.

I tell you this from experience. See The Purge. I tell you this to help open your eyes Wide and snap you into reality. God is on His way back to Earth. What do you want to get caught doing when He arrives?

Confession: In God’s strength, I have been abstinent for over two years. It can be done. I’m serious about waiting until I’m married.
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2. If Its Not From God, I Don’t Want It

Nowhere in the bible does God, Jesus or anyone else guarantee you a husband or wife. You’ll have to prepare yourself to live a solo life. I ask God for a husband, but I don’t feel entitled to one. I ask God to prepare me to be a wife. God knows exactly who I’d like to be my husband. I pray for that person but I also tell God, “If its someone else, I’d be happy with that.” I preface a lot prayers with “If its your will…” I have relinquished all my Proverbs 7 ways. Look it up and read it well.

I continue to let God direct my path and move within me. I ask Him to mold me and shape me. Yes, guys catch my eye. Yes, I fantasize a little bit with the “what ifs” but I always stop myself and give it to God. I’ve apologized to God, “God, I’m sorry if I’m wanting [ fill in the blank guy] more than I’m wanting you.” You’ll have to get in the habit of giving people, fantasies, thoughts, feelings and ideas to God. Get in the habit of relinquishing your fleeting “control” over to the Master. You’re not entitled to a man or woman, not entitled to have sex. We are to be living pure Holy lives. So get used to denying your flesh, dying to yourself. If you believe its your Right to have a “physical release” you’re mocking God. Eve thought she had a Right to eat the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge.

I continue to give moments to God, continue to press into Him. Continue to do things His way not mine. Mine leads to Heartache, Confusion, Insecurity, Rejection and Darkness.

3. Be Smart

I describe myself as a strategic person. The steps I take, no matter how small will lead to my end goal. Each step is leading me in the direction I want to go. Where are your steps leading you?

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If you want a job, you get up, look and apply for jobs. You go to the interview, accept a job offer, then show up when you’re supposed to. However, some people think jobs fall out of the sky while you lay on the couch in your underwear watching the Steve Harvey show and eating Lucky Charms.

Being smart, means taking responsibility for your actions and choices. At some point, you’re going to have to accept responsibility for your poor choices. You chose to have sex with someone not committed to you. Someone you’ve known for about 5 minutes. Someone that is not seeking Christ. Someone that doesn’t take your choices seriously. You’re upset because they don’t care about your relationship with Jesus? You’re upset they don’t see the point in honoring God? You’re upset because they don’t care to understand the turmoil you feel when you sin? You chose to sin with them and are upset they aren’t upset? And you wonder why they look at you like you’re crazy!

I firmly believe there are times you can only love certain people from a distance. You may “want” this person badly, and even for the Right reasons- to Glorify Christ in the final Outcome. Lord, if we ended up together, Lord, if he gave his heart to you- it would be for your Glory! Happily Ever After, The End.
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Not always. Not exactly. I will continue to choose Jesus day in and day out, despite getting the things or people I want. There’s more to life, than lovers and spouses. I choose to honor God in not coveting what isn’t mine. If you’re longing desperately for some dude or chick, check you heart. Is you’re longing for that person replacing your longing for your Creator?

I do my best to keep drama away. I do my best to play it smart and make sure I get the results I’m looking for. I no longer have the energy to confuse myself with my poor choices and want the other person to “understand me.” God knew sex was deep stuff. He knew it was binding. He knew it was powerful. He knew that outside of His protection (marriage) it could destroy people. It could cause chaos and emotional havoc. If you continue to be unhappy single and feel entitled to have “someone, ” to engage someone sexually- you are not playing it smart.
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These are my tenets. Lessons I’ve learned in terrible ways. I sharing this with you in hopes it will make sense to you and you will get your heart Right with God.

 

 

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open letter

Open Letter to Whoever is putting Sadie Robertson and Kylie Jenner at War:

  

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I read a post somewhere on the internet last night. I got sucked into it even though I do not keep up with either teen. I didn’t see the point of the post and was left feeling like a teen myself. I was being pressured into not liking someone. I don’t like when someone goes out of their way to convince you not to like someone. Especially since I am supposed to be an adult.

There is an obviously difference between the two teens. Everyone can see it. However, because they are just 17 years old, they are merely regurgitating whatever they have been witness to and experienced in their lives thus far. Sadie, raised in a strong Christian home, based their lives around the Word of God. Kylie, raised in a strong Worldly home, based their lives around [presumably] money and fame. I can tell you the 17 year old me is different from me at 29. Things I believed about myself, the world and God have morphed into who I consider myself right now. Maybe I was right in the middle of these two teens, if there were a spectrum. I believed in God and prayed, but found myself doing what I wanted to do. What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there’s nothing new under the sun. Ecclesiastes 1:9

Let us see who they might become.

Comparing two teens, demonizing one and honoring the other is not what our young girls need. As the writer of those such postings, your influence only goes keyboard deep. Where are you when these teen girls are sucking their lips through a plastic bottle? Where are you when these teens [good Bible-study] girls are secretly living in sin? How are you helping? As a teen, you can’t help but compare yourself to others. In fact, as an adult it is hard not to. I fight moments each day and have to remind myself I Am Who God Says I Am.

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The contradictory message you communicate through your post is just sad. You have such disgust for KJ, but include the very proactive, sexy photos of her that you claim to be inappropriate and disgusting. The last thing a teen girl needs to hear is that her body is disgusting. In fact, she is a very beautiful girl, before and after plastic surgery. And so is SR. They both possess something that girls and women envy-outward beauty. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I notice when another women is beautiful, or seemingly more beautiful than me. Your article does not do what you want it to do. It does not make me pit one of those two girls against the other. It makes me hurt. Once again, the lie that one is better than the other presents itself. Once again, you are putting teen girls (vulnerable to suggestion) in a situation they cannot win. Appearing wholesome on the outside will not work if you do not feel wholesome on the inside. There are many girls trying desperately to fill their empty hearts with guys, makeup, clothes, photo likes and more. Their souls thirst for MORE, for something that is everlasting. But they do not know what it is or how to get it. They think it costs. The price is sex, material things, big lips. As the writer that is putting SR on a pedestal, claiming that she is the perfect example of a Proverbs 31 women, you have failed to share the Gospel with your audience! Failed to offer thee solution! Failed to introduce Jesus to your readers! Only Jesus can fill those empty places in a young girl’s heart. It saddens me that you chose to miss the opportunity to offer [even at least to one] the option of Salvation.

You failed to mention:

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation. 2 Corinthians 5:17-18

You and I may get to Heaven and be surprised when we see who’s there and who’s Not. Some of those we thought would make it, wont. And some of the most unlikely, will.

And for that I do not want to be someone that kicks someone out of the way just to make sure I have a seat for me.

And Jesus came up and spoke to them, saying, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. “Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and surely, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Matthew 29:19

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For anyone desiring change.
If you are longing for something more, something everlasting. This is the time to do so. If you pray this prayer, you are opening the door that God is knocking on right now. He has come for you, You are HIS and He is Yours. Open your heart and pray:

God, I know that I have sinned against you. Forgive me for my sins. I want to know You and want you to know me. Come into you my life, come into my heart. Change me. Be the Lord of my life. I surrender my life to you. Take me and make me brand new. In Jesus name, Amen.

If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. Romans 10:9-10

Continue to talk to God as if he were right there in the room with you. Talk to him like you would talk to a friend. Pray. Read your Bible, find a Bible, and find one online, a Bible app. Find like-minded people. A church, a small group, a Bible study. Don’t allow yourself to be alone and risk the enemy attacking you while you are alone. It won’t always be easy but it will be worth it. Nothing here on earth is worth losing your soul over.

For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. “For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? “For the Son of Man is going to come in the glory of His Father with His angels, and will judge all people according to their deeds.  Matthew 16:27

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Related:
https://youtu.be/jYpBgJHmGmw He Knows My Name by Francesca Batistellei

https://youtu.be/fI2NyfV9N3g Don’t You Know You’re Beautiful by Kellie Pickler

Lyfe Jennings S.E.X.: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o369YXAub4g&list=RDo369YXAub4

https://youtu.be/6tpCEbjsY_4 Black Tears by Jason Aldean

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Quick Read

Is it Official?

We’re just talking

He’s not my boyfriend

We’re not in a relationship

I see her from time to time

We don’t have a title

We just hang out sometimes

Why put a label on it?

……….

I’ve heard these phrases way too often in the recent years. It’s normal for many people to describe their situationship using those phrases. The meaning of each phrase is also thoroughly understood, for the most part. Everyone seems to desire a relationship but at the same time they want their way out. They want the benefits of a relationship but none of the commitment. Is the truth in these phrases? They are spoken with casualty but not so much with confidence. When it comes to someone you like, why would you want to describe the relation with such phrases? Wouldn’t we rather say affirmatively,

He loves me. We are together. I like her. That’s my man. This is my girlfriend.

Instead we lay down on our backbone and act like there’s nothing we can do. We’re too cool to want official titles but too scared to expect them. We would rather share our bodies, swap bodily fluids than exchange our feelings and share our true intentions. How sad. We would rather stay in limbo than walk confidently in any direction. We would rather be in a lukewarm semi-non-relationship than a cold hard single. We compromise our hearts to see someone sometimes than never see them at all. Just getting a text back becomes the definition of success.

There’s no judgement coming from me of course. Did you read my post The Purge? Go back and read it. I regrettably had stayed in limbo for way too long. Committing my heart to someone that wouldn’t even commit to a full evening or full day with me. Assigning a place in my heart for someone that once said, “I don’t want a relationship with anyone, not just you.”

Or when I said “You just want me for a hookup.”

“I like you more than a hookup….- but why cant it be like it is?”

I ended up secretly in tears in his bed just a few hours later. That was about five years ago and those words were burned into my heart. I had taken my Question (Warrior and the Beauty, go back and read that one too) to a guy and the answer was a very big NO. NO you’re not worth it. NO you’re not worth my commitment. NO you’re not Enough (fill in the blank) for me to want you. There’s only one thing I want you for.

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That was most definitely not the last time I received the same kind of message from him.

I have no easy step by step solution to these types of problems.

All I came to say was that Jesus made it Official with you 2000 years ago. He is not afraid of commitment. He isn’t waiting for someone better to come around. A wise man wrote a book telling women that a man shows commitment by Professing, Protecting and Providing for a woman. If you are important, a man will give you a title. He will introduce you to others by the title as way to profess who you really are to him. As a way to put other men on notice that he has claimed you. Don’t come over here bruh ’cause this one is mine. Don’t disregard this as a man – woman issue. God is constantly professing who we are to Him.

I found a wonderful list of 20 Things God Says About You. Let us focus on the labels and titles He has given you.

*I am a child of God. John 1:12
We don’t need to call Maury to be given our Father in Heaven’s last name. Adoption papers don’t need to be signed. He never flaked out on child support. He even allowed this model to be lived out by Joseph and Mary’s relationship. Joseph could have denied that Jesus was his son because he had never slept with Mary. He could have told everyone that the child is not his. But that is not how the story goes. We were given the title of God’s child.

*I am a friend with God. John 15:15
Jesus calls us his friends! He doesn’t say “Um, I know of him, but I don’t know him” or “who? I don’t know even know her.” He give us the title of Friend.

*I am an heir with Christ. Romans 8:17
As children of God, we are also heirs to his Kingdom. We will get to live his mansion, and have what He has. He give us the title of Heir.

*I am a member of Christ’s body and a partaker of His promise. Ephesians 3:6
There’s no good ol’ boys club that we cant get into. No monthly membership fees we cant afford. We were given the title of Member. We belong with Him. We are not on the outside looking in, we are in.

*I am a citizen of Heaven. Philippians 3:20
We are meant to reside in Heaven, our living arrangement on earth is temporary. We didn’t sign a lease, we just live here month to month. We eagerly await our Savior to take us back home. He gave us the title of Citizen.

My point is that God wants us badly. He thinks about us. About YOU. About me. The way I lay awake at night and stare at my ceiling (perhaps thinking of some guy), God is there thinking of You. Just You. He wants to talk to You. He wants You to be the one talking to him. He’s waiting for our text, for our phone call, for a note in the mail. He excited about you. He sees the tiniest changes you’re making and is clapping his hands. He’s in the bleachers at the big game and rooting for you. He’s the coach on the sidelines cheering you on. He’s wanting to move through you so you win. God never hesitated to love you. He’s not with you just until something better comes along. He’s not ignoring your texts. He doesn’t watch your incoming call and just let it go to voicemail. He’s not trying to avoid your social media messages. He’s not hiding you from his timeline. He’s not untagging himself from your posts and pictures. He doesn’t see you in a crowd and hope that you don’t see him. He’s not pretending you don’t exist. He doesn’t just see you when its convenient for him. He calls you Son, Daughter, Friend. He calls you HIS. He makes no mistakes. He intentionally chooses us over and over and over again.

Don’t get caught up in the culture of today. God already professed his titles for you.
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Related Reading:
http://www.bigisthenewsmall.com/2012/06/27/20-things-god-says-about-you/

Related: Doing it Wrong by Drake     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYy0zcs-OSU

“We are half-hearted creatures…”

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Journaling

Notes to my Husband

This week I finished reading Captivating by John&Stasi Eldredge. They emphasize that this world needs my feminine heart. The people in my life need me to be who only I can be. “No one can be to the people in your life who you can be to them. No one can offer what you can offer.”

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I can risk being vulnerable because I am secure in God’s embrace. Through these last, uh….10ish+ years I have struggled with vulnerability. Holding back tears and swallowing that lump in your throat. Waiting until you get home to cry about a conversation that took place  hours prior. Standing there with the opportunity to honor your soul by speaking words but instead you bare the tension and fix your eyes on an invisible dot on the wall. Typing out a text message either lengthy or just “hey” then deleting it, because you can’t just keep putting your heart out there. Having all the right words while alone but feeling your strength fleeting in the presence of others. Deciding a pokerface is much better than mascara-tear face. Hot tears on my pillow are safer than tears stared at from across the room. Fearing that you’re feelings will repel others. This has been me time and time again. But as I grow in my Protector, I have felt more confident to be my uniquely feminine self. It’s not easy to open up and talk about the things that make my voice shake. I prefer to be well versed, eloquent, composed, unjarred. Life is messy, but there’s beauty in the struggle.
This is me sharing my feminine heart with you all today. Almost a year ago I started a list for my future husband. I reflected on past failed relationships and asked myself What Should the Next Guy Know? I thought at some point in my next  (and final ) relationship I’d share this list with my fiance/husband. Maybe a surprise on our wedding day?

12/16/13  1:23am
for my husband…
somethings you should know about me…

I love pasta, spaghetti, alfredo, lasagna, garlic bread, I love it all!

I’m quiet, a lot. you’ll have to be okay with that. just sitting next to me in silence and know that I’m perfectly content.

but…the once in a blue moon that I’m stressed, worried, scared, nervous, hurt – I hope God gives you the ability to know the difference because…

so many times i just can’t say what i want. fear holds me back from saying certain things. please be patient.

I will almost always forget to wash dirty pots and pans.

I’m far more sensitive and emotional than i let on. i may just cry in secret places at secret times. please be patient and kind.

I dont like many sports but would gladly go to any sporting events with you,  just because it’s you.

i may stare at you often. its because I’m in awe of you and your male-ness.

i love hot tea. hot coffee with flavored creamer.

I eat cereal all times of the day.

i love rainbows, glitter, sparkles.

I love to laugh, so i hope you’re funny.

hug me everyday please.

there is never enough “i love you”s

I’m writing  this on a day that all i can do is trust God that He is bringing us together, because know. ..

I’ve had boyfriends, crushes, flings, and unrequited love

and I’m putting in my faith that you’re mine to keep.

I like to sleep in.

unless we have plans, I probably won’t get dressed and put makeup on.

I’m not always on time.

I can’t wait to make a house into a home for US.

12/18/183. 2:35am
I don’t like to be rushed.

I can definitely be indecisive.

I don’t like yelling, slamming doors, cussing, acting out in anger towards me makes me not feel safe.

I dont like being called boring.

I’m shy. I don’t like meeting new people. I don’t like small talk. I don’t like superficial conversations.

so it may seem like I’m not trying to be social but I really am trying.

my perfect day with you would involve us laying in bed all day (even calling in to work) and just talk,laugh,and just be together.

I hope we have a million inside jokes.

6/11/14. 2am
I always have a pile of clothes on the bedroom floor.

I have to fall asleep with the fan on.

I eat strawberries in the middle of the night.

I hate car problems. I pray to God that you’re a car enthusiast…

and I drive on empty for days.

my mascara routine is entirely too long, be patient.

I don’t like crying in front of people, even myself.

if I’m in a sad mood and I choose to listen to music,it’ll be sad music. if I choose a movie, it’ll be a funny movie.

I procrastinate haircuts.

I’m perfectly happy sitting outside on a porch reading a book.

cloudy days make me feel like doing nothing.

I prefer any  chore except laundry.

I love macaroni and cheese.

8/6/14  1:50am
I don’t like being rushed to make a decision.

I prefer to have a partner when doing small things like running errands.

“I want the parts that you’ve tried to throw away -the parts that you were convinced no one could ever love”

every so often I fall in love with a song or movie and play it in repeat for days or even weeks a time.

everyday is an occasion for froyo

also donuts.

oneday I want to get in my car and drive to anywhere for the weekend.

8/26/14  2:05am
sometimes fear immobilizes me.

I love summer

but I like fall much better.

I love X-Files and hope one day you will too.

“if you’re a bird, I’m a bird” learn it. love it.

every once in awhile help me experience something new, at my own pace.

I like making lists 🙂

I go to bed really late.

I keep quiet about important decisions until I’m sure of my choice.

please give me a puppy.

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To be continued. ..

12/05/14    4:31pm

im usually too hard myself
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Related Music: Lord I’m Ready Now by Plumb, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBUQqLp6N24

 

http://en.gravatar.com/that1liana

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