Gender Issues, Women

hey Slut: Part 2

m2Ladies, lets get real. Stop over dramatizing everything, its so cliche. I dress modestly and believe me, my shape is not sexless. My curves have curves and there’s no way around it unless I actually wore a bed sheet. I can up my shirt size to XL or wear a 1 in “plus size” and you will most definitely still know that I am WOMAN. Believing that the only way to express yourself is through wearing what you want is again, adolescent in nature. Are you a civilized First World Woman or perpetual rebellious teenager? Are you rebelling against all the daddies of this world while you prance around in your short skirt? Because “when you start acting like an adult, I’ll treat you like one” said every parent ever.

There are women all over the world that could only dream of something as Freedom of Speech, or freedom to peacefully protest. They fear for their lives, literally. In countries like India, where acid is thrown on your face.  Not only to cause physical pain but to mame you for life. No one will want to marry you, your family will reject you, and you just have to try to keep on living. In continents like Africa, where a female infants and female children are victims of female genital mutilation.

Female genital mutilation is classified into four major types.

  • Clitoridectomy: partial or total removal of the clitoris (a small, sensitive and erectile part of the female genitals) and, in very rare cases, only the prepuce (the fold of skin surrounding the clitoris).

  • Excision: partial or total removal of the clitoris and the labia minora, with or without excision of the labia majora (the labia are “the lips” that surround the vagina).

  • Infibulation: narrowing of the vaginal opening through the creation of a covering seal. The seal is formed by cutting and repositioning the inner, or outer, labia, with or without removal of the clitoris.

  • Other: all other harmful procedures to the female genitalia for non-medical purposes, e.g. pricking, piercing, incising, scraping and cauterizing the genital area.

http://www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs241/en/

In other African countries, young female children and teens can be married and become pregnant. Because of their young age and due to lack of prenatal care, major bladder tears/holes can happen during the birthing process. This causes fluid to leak outside of their young bodies uncontrollably. This causes the young girls/women to smell due to constant fluid leaking from their bladder. Because of this, they are deemed useless and disgusting. Their husbands do not want them anymore, their families definitely do not want them anymore. So there are left unable to provide for themselves, or attain resources.

http://www.aidforafrica.org/member-charities/fistula-foundation-the/

In my post the War on Eve, I discuss the enemy’s attack on Eve and her daughters ever since we were in the Garden. With these real women’s issues it is blatant to see. In my modest research, a few issues have surfaced. Some say Feminism is a class problem. I don’t doubt it.

While women struggle daily against systematic and institutionalized, cultural physical torture many of us feel royally offended when a man we don’t even know calls us a slut.

While these women just want to know they are beautiful, many of us call men “thirsty” if they compliment us.

While these women are being demanded of sex, many of us fantasize about a Valentine’s day lover.

While these women watch their daughters suffer the same cruelty, we watch our daughters at dance class in bows and ribbons.

While these women cook scraps in dark kitchens, we make reservations for a Girls Night Out.

While these women have their most sacred parts, which were designed by God, cut and sliced, many say “Its my body I do what I want.”

While these women drink dirty water, many of us have drunken black outs.

While these women just want to be treated with kindness, many of us carry a spirit of arrogance.

trSlut Walks discriminate. Rape does not. Who are victims of rape?  Men, women, girls, boys, babies, elderly adults, married people, single people, those with developmental disabilities. Who are rapists, probably every one of those except babies. What about incest? Sibling molestation? Family friends? Rape is not just man against woman. Women rape also. They are pedophiles also. Rape and molestation can be traced back to the offender’s past. They themselves may have been raped, either through  a grooming process, or violently. Exposing a child to sexual behavior immediately puts them on an entirely different path.  A path of self destruction, self-hate, aggression, depression, attachment issues, drug addiction, violence, and so on. It kills something inside of them. Those that rape have a voice too. The enemy will destroy one heart after another, one soul after another.

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One of my favorite and unpopular scriptures is 1Peter 5:8.

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour

There are times when you think there is a great distance between when the Bible was written and now. There were no cell phones, or apps,  Buzzfeed, Peppermint Mocha Lattes etc. But there was alcohol. There have always been people that want to use substances to make them feel different. There has always been behaviors that get in the way of our best selves. This “Be sober, be vigilant” is constantly in my mind. I have been drunk, tipsy, buzzed and whatever else in between. I never liked being drunk. The first party I went to I got drunk after three plastic cups of keg beer, I was only 17. In my drunkenness, I realized three guys staring at me. Watching me. Immediately I knew they were observing me and rating me on my level of vulnerability. I could feel it. I have seen hundreds of men since, in every bar and in every city do it. They are wanting to find the drunkest girl and go off with her to have sex. That is the truth. Are they slime-bags for it? Yes. Do I blame them? No. Our young men are socialized to have sex and to partake in a woman’s body. They are not socialized to mind their boundaries, court a woman, and then marry her. Provide and protect her. We as young women are socialized to have sex and to partake in a man’s body. We are not socialized to mind our boundaries, allow a man to court us, to marry a man. To allow a man to provide and protect us.

And we wonder why everything is so wrong with everything. Or is just me? The world tells us Its not That bad, go ahead, it wont hurt you. Its fun. There comes a day when it all stops being fun. When your tears come with every Adele song, when your heart aches from rejection. This could be your run of the mill one night stand, a breakup, or something worse, a physical and sexual assault-that you may or may not have been aware of due to your physical state of intoxication. My parents never taught me that the world was made up of rainbows and lollipops. They taught me, if someone hits you-hit ’em back. Now, when did we all of a sudden think nothing bad would ever happen to us? Did your parents sit you down one day and tell you that everyone was going to be nice to you? Mine never did. I learned people treat you how you teach them to treat you. I have had to re-teach some.

If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. John 15:18
Lets go back to alcohol. Even in my drinking days, I would cut myself off if I did not like my surroundings. If I found myself to be amongst people I did not know or even those I did know, but did not like. I rarely, if ever, “stayed over” a person’s home instead of driving. I kept watch on my friends and did my best to make sure nothing bad happened to them as well. I distinguished between the good-guys and the others. The good-guys were the ones you could trust to not violate you if you were grossly drunk or if you fell asleep. I knew I never wanted to be one of those girls. The ones that get passed around, the one that you can take anywhere and she’ll do anything. There were so many times I thought to myself: Wow, if this guy(s) wanted to rape me, he totally could. I wouldn’t be able to get out of it. How did I survive this era of my life without being assaulted? The only thing that makes sense is God’s mercy.

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Mercy: an event to be grateful for, especially because its occurrence prevents something unpleasant or provides relief from suffering.

Related reading:

http://m.clarionproject.org/news/150-isis-sex-slaves-commit-suicide-some-fed-dogs
“we all live in a world raging with sin, and I’m not immune to its affects.” http://www.todayschristianwoman.com/articles/2002/july/i-was-raped.html#bmb=1

“Nothing has made the glories of heaven, a place where God “will wipe away every tear from [our] eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore,” sound so sweet.” http://goodwomenproject.com/rape/god-saw-my-rape-and-he-didnt-stop-it
http://www.gotquestions.org/favor-of-God.html
http://carm.org/where-does-god-ever-show-us-mercy
http://rightwingnews.com/crime/the-problem-with-the-slut-walk/
http://indianmuslimpost.blogspot.com/2013/08/slut-walk-mocks-indian-women-real-issues.html
http://www.girlsgonewise.com/five-problems-i-have-with-slutwalk-marches/
http://www.yasminnair.net/content/slutwalk-end-feminism
http://www.aidemocracy.org/students/the-issues-with-slutwalk/

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Q&A

Makeup, Sex & Clubs

This morning I read a blog post from Girl Defined. I decided to share it and answer their follow up questions.
http://www.girldefined.com/popular-lose-respect-girl

Are you enticed by the culture’s message to “flaunt what you’ve got”? If so, why?

Yes I am enticed. One day I was getting dressed for Sunday service. I had tried on a few different tops, changed my pants numerous times. There were clothes everywhere. I was late. AGAIN. I had finally came upon an outfit to which I said out loud “I look cute.” Then it hit me. I look cute for what? For church? To be seated for about an hour? I look cute to listen to the pastor preach a sermon? Why was the look I was going for “cute” or “attractive?” Why cant I leave my apartment until I look attractive?
Having a very large bust with a 4’11 frame is interesting to say the least. If I don’t look modest I look erotic. If I wore a turtle-neck I’d still feel exposed. As a teenager and younger adult, I did have guidelines on how much skin I allowed myself to bare. Now almost 30, I have commandments *no pun intended* I feel naked in a tank top, in shorts above the knee, in a swim suit. Being so clothed I have still had the eyes of men on me. While wearing denim capris and a polo shirt, a very macho male coworker’s eyes were all over my calves. He said “what do you call those?” Capris I answered back. He gave me googly eyes and a smile and said with authority, “YES. capris, I like those.” I consider that man a friend but with firm boundaries. He is definitely not at all a docile man born and raised in a different country, one that accepts hyper-masculinity. I just shook my head and realized I could wear layers and layers but I’m uniquely feminine. I do not welcome attention to my body and body parts anymore .I haven’t for a long time actually. I used to walk into a club or party and revel in the amount of eyes on me. I’d apply my lip gloss at the exact moment some lustful guy was in my line of sight. Being short, I had the advantage of the “looking up at you-bat my eyes-maybe you can see down my shirt” move. I thought I was a pro. A VIP of something. The attention fed my sultry ego. To walk into a room and automatically have all eyes on you feels a lot like power. Men reaching out to touch your hand or hip to get your attention as you walk by as if you don’t see them. That was a good feeling for a budding 20something girl. GIRL. Those *Johns* were never in it for the long haul. They wanted something seductive to make them feel like Men. The quickest way for a man to “feel like a man” is through sex. There were plenty of times it made me “feel like a woman.” To be wanted by a man, makes you feel like a woman. In a time where gender is seemingly negotiable, there’s something to be noted here. This powerful exchange between a man and woman (even if strangers or acquaintances) barely touches the surface of the Missing Part of our relationship with one another. If “flaunting” IT, got me closer to that powerful feeling,I did it.

In what ways are you tempted to “allure” guys with your beauty?
I’d like to say that I’m not tempted to allure a guy. I am tempted. Every once in a while I recall those times I mentioned above. In recent years I thought I still wanted that. But it’s not the same. The essence of that person is gone. She moved out and I haven’t seen her since. She took her pompous attitude with her too. I see magazines, online articles, internet memes that are straight to the point. With big long lashes, plump lips, long shaved legs, voluminous hair, and every list of so called “tips” to getting him to notice you. I’m tired of following lists. If he didn’t see me and walk up to me, speak words to my face, then I truly don’t care. I still require that my eye lash game be on point though. Guys remember eyes. Or so I read on the internet somewhere.

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Do you view modesty as a tool that places value on your most intimate parts?
I do view that modesty places value on my most intimate parts. When your body is exposed people feel comfortable to make comments regarding your body. Two years ago, a friend posted a picture of us from an event we attended. A “facebook friend” messaged me a very bold statement regarding my “bust” but he didn’t say bust he used a different word. Not disrespectful on its own, probably said by many 6th grade boys. I’m sure it was similar to a knee-jerk reaction to see something with his eyes and then let me know what he saw. I felt offended. His comment was out of line, unnecessary, unwanted. I know what every inch of my body looks like. I didn’t need him to send me an obnoxious message spotlighting my body parts. “Some things are needless to say”—I Said. He apologized. “I’m just a boob-guy.” NEEDLESS TO SAY. STOP. SAYING. THINGS. He made a few more intended apologetic sentences but I could tell his brain was functioning in a different capacity. The messages ended there. I realized again, modesty is for the best.
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Since your body is God’s temple, in what ways should you respect it?
I should respect by practicing modesty in how I dress and in my behaviors. I’m not wanting male attention towards my body parts but me as a whole. Me in my entirety. Men fall in love with their eyes, and their eyes are everywhere. Call me beautiful once, but do you KNOW if I’m beautiful? I’ve begun to divert attention away from outward beauty by saying “It’s just makeup” “It’s just Covergirl and Maybelline” “It’s just whitening strips” “It’s just shampoo and conditioner.” It gives suitors a quick LOL. You like what you see but would you like what you haven’t yet seen? My face with no makeup, my hair with no products, my body with no clothes? I don’t trust the average guy to answer me honestly. Everyone looks good in the dark at 2am. I have been respecting my body as God’s temple in that I no longer allow others to have access to it. There’s a cover charge and the Holy Spirit is the bouncer.image

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my mascara face & the photo I edited because “too much” was showing (2012)

http://en.gravatar.com/that1liana

Related Reading:

http://www.girldefined.com/clothes-on

http://www.girldefined.com/4-ways-raunch-culture-lying

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