I was just reading a devotional that said “wives ought to obey their husbands” and though I am familiar with the scripture of Ephesians 5 that tell us “wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” I was disappointed in the writer’s cliché interpretation. The word obey stood out to me as the wrong sentiment for the topic.
Obey means to comply. To comply means to conform.
Submit means to yield. To yield means to relinquish something.
I could keep going but I think you see each word leads us towards two different ideas about those in a marriage relationship.
Conformity versus Relinquishment.
Relinquishment means to voluntarily give up control.
Genesis 3:16 tell us God assigned some “curses” or mandates after The Fall.
To the woman he said,
“I will make your pains in childbearing very severe;
with painful labor you will give birth to children.
Your desire will be for your husband,
and he will rule over you.”
This scripture began to stand out to me as I was transitioning away from feminism and moving towards submitting myself to God’s plan for women. It tells us that “he will rule over you” meaning the relationship that God had originally designed for men and women, something more mutual and having the essence of true equality would change. The dynamic will shift towards something that will prove undesirable. I make the comparison of Eve side stepping Adam in the Garden and eating from the tree she was directed to stay away from. She decided to take control and God’s response was well then, your husband will control you. This was a punishment in response to a poor execution of free will.
This was not a model of marriage for generations to adhere to.
This misinterpretation of God’s plan for men and women can become so harmful towards those attempting to follow the Christian faith.
Throughout millennia, men have abused their power using sacred scriptures and texts of many religions. That is our sinful nature. As a modern response, women sought secular rebellion to push back against the abuse taking on a Marxist identity called Feminism. That is our sinful nature.
Men are inclined to pursue power through means of control while women are inclined to pursue control then power.
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. 1 Peter 3:7
There will never be a winner only losers on both sides, living as enemies of God.
The solution?
Have a heart after God’s, strive to read and understand His Word through His heart not your own. Our heart is deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9, Proverbs 4:23, Matthew 15:19) and its easy read scripture through the lens of our own broken humanity. Surrender (submit) your ways to God’s ways.
1 Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. 4 Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. 5 For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a person is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.[a] 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. 7 Therefore do not be partners with them.
8 For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light 9 (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) 10 and find out what pleases the Lord. 11 Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. Ephesians 5:1-11
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:22-33
Confessions of a Recovering Feminist 