It’s been a long while since I shared my thoughts of feminism. I started this blog years ago, based on my transition out of feminist attitudes. I cannot keep up with the spiral of men & women year after year. This video encompasses all of what I’d say myself! I’m reposting this Melanie King episode of her commentary on this Jordan Peterson & Louise Perry conversation.
Louise Perry is the author of, The Case Against the Sexual Revolution. I’m looking forward to reading in the new year!
Some time ago, I felt myself experiencing a Great Unraveling. I felt like ribbon coming undone, chaotic, exposed, torn apart, too revealed.
I pictured an old factory. I come in one day to see a massive mess. Parts and pieces in disarray. Smoke billowing. A putrid smell. Shattered glass, broken products, and sounds of malfunction. Something went wrong. But what?
I go to each machine and examine the mechanisms and equipment. After a while, I found a missing screw. The one screw responsible for holding so much together. That screw had been rusted over, loosened over time it became unable to hold itself in place. Without that one screw, one by one, little by little, a chain of events was initiated. Had I taken the time to make repairs a long the way, perform inspections and updates, I would have caught the problem before it all fell apart.
I stood in the middle, a labyrinth of malady.
I built that factory from the ground up. Put together every machine myself. It worked that way for a long time. It did its job. Until now.
Now I must rebuild. The times are different. Some mechanisms and equipment are obsolete. They won’t work in 2023 at 37 years old.
And that’s where I am today. Machines like self-protection and self-reliance don’t produce the results that are needed for this day.
I’m not the best at building factories, obviously.
There is a better builder.
Therefore, holy brothers and sisters, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, whom we acknowledge as our apostle and high priest. 2 He was faithful to the one who appointed him, just as Moses was faithful in all God’s house. 3 Jesus has been found worthy of greater honor than Moses, just as the builder of a house has greater honor than the house itself. 4 For every house is built by someone, but God is the builder of everything. 5 “Moses was faithful as a servant in all God’s house,”[a] bearing witness to what would be spoken by God in the future. 6 But Christ is faithful as the Son over God’s house. And we are his house, if indeed we hold firmly to our confidence and the hope in which we glory. – Hebrews 3:1-6
12/18/2021
Its December, almost 2022. I have this sense that there’s something different about this December. I’d say the last 12 months have been different. They were surely nothing I had ever expected. It’s like God came to me and said, “GO.” Put your shoes on, grab a bag and start walking. Where? Walk where? Go where?
Every day for the past year has felt like that. I haven’t always been aware, but that’s what happened. Who I am today is not who I was a year ago.
I find myself in a job that is a great fit. It’s provided my soul a rest but my nervous system is still acquainted with invisible threats. But it’s getting better. Learning to cultivate peace in my thoughts and body takes effort.
I found myself on two mission trips in one year to the same place. A place with a unique history and unique future. A town known for subjugation and pain. While a new story is being written there. A beauty for ashes tale. Maybe I was called there because that’s what God has been doing with my story too.
I found myself lost for a short time. I had been beaten down by a force I wasnt ready for. I felt small and weak, heartbroken. I sought out old ways for relief only to remember there is no relief in the rains of baal [Hosea 2:13].
I found myself aspiring to say Yes more. Yes to good things. Yes to self care. I said Yes to more serving opportunities and I said Yes to more social invitations. I said Yes when I could and I’ll do my best to continue that.
I found myself learning how deep wounds can be. Underneath layers, infections of the heart can still live. Symptoms can go unnoticed until triggered. The Holy Spirit gently but urgently says, “Come. Look. See.” Infections are ugly. They aren’t supposed to be there. They don’t belong in the temple of the Holy Spirit. Jesus comes to say, “Let ME.” It’s okay to say, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief! (Mark 9:24)” It’s okay to be like Peter, blunders and repeated mistakes.
After Jesus is resurrected after his crucifixion, he sits with Peter. In John 21, Jesus asks Peter three times, “Do you love me?” One for each denial. It seems Jesus is bringing restoration to their relationship as Peter previously denied him three times the night Jesus was arrested. I’ve come to ask the question in a different way. Its easy to say yes I love someone. But I find myself hearing, “Are you someone that loves me?” I think they are different questions. Do you love me? Yes. Sure. Yup. Easy. Are you someone that loves me? That focuses on actions, habits, character, relationship.
I also call to attention the conversation at the Last Supper. In Matthew 16:16, Jesus asks his disciples, “Who do you say that I am?” They take turns and it’s concluded that yes, Jesus is the Messiah. Yes! Got it right! Peter would think to himself. But again I hear a different question being asked. “Who do you say that you are?” What? Huh? Hmm…
Do you call yourself a disciple? Are you a follower of the Messiah? How can it be seen that you are? This focuses again on actions, habits, character, relationship.
I found myself in a lot of places this year. Ultimately, I find myself at the intersection of these two major questions. I hope you do too. I hope we know the answers. In 2022, I hope we exhibit the habits and character worthy to be called Jesus’ followers.
This is a break up letter to everyone that once was.
I have to let you go now for not being a better man. Maybe I did ask, maybe I knew it was pointless so I never thought I should.
I have to let the me go that wanted you so badly. Maybe it could have worked better, maybe I just had poor judgment.
I have to let you go now. Time doesn’t heal much because brains record memories. Bodies record emotions. The presence of feelings does not constitute reality.
I have to let the me go that tried so hard and thought loyalty led to love.
I have to let you go now. The thing you did or didn’t do that led me to assume you didn’t care. Maybe you did, maybe you weren’t capable. Your intentions were not my responsibility.
I have to let the me go that thought I knew everything. I didn’t know you. I didn’t know me.
I brought empty cups to you demanding that you fill them and overflow them. That’s not your place.
I have to let you go now. For using me at your convenience and allowing myself to be used at someone else’s convenience.
I have to let the me go that felt suffering in silence was better than speaking up. Being low maintenance and without need would lead to someone intuitively being aware of the needs I didn’t have and fulfill them all.
I have to let you go now. Its easy to recall smiles and imagine an alternate storyline. Hearing a song and associating with you. Association doesn’t constitute God’s plans.
I have to let the me go that continues to revert to old roles. I have to take up space and not be a bystander in my own life. I can’t watch my life through a window.
I’m breaking up with you… and me, all that once was.
Related music:
Can you be a Christian and listen to The Weeknd?
Melancholy and defeat permeate his songs. They find places in me that still need Jesus. Its the empty, depressive pining for the things that feel like cuts on your skin and make you question why you’ll never be clean.
Maybe it was my triggers being triggered, past, present, future. Insecurity, rejection, hypocrisy, abandonment, terror.
I stumbled on the After Hours album when I was at the bottom of a low place. I experienced what I would label as spiritual abuse. People acting in the name Christ that were manipulative and nothing resembling actual Christ-likeness. It was a shock to my system. I look back and summarize my experience as full of anxiety(fear), depression, confusion and having a broken heart and spirit. I had been praying in desperation to be protected and removed from the situation. I felt like Elijah running from Jezebel.
“ Elijah was afraid and fled for his life. He went to Beersheba, a town in Judah, and he left his servant there. Then he went on alone into the wilderness, traveling all day. He sat down under a solitary broom tree and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life, for I am no better than my ancestors who have already died.” 1 Kings 19:3-4
I felt so low and had wished I had been able to be stronger. I remembered Elijah running from Jezebel and David running from King Saul. That was the only solace and grace that I could muster.
“And I feel everything
I feel everything from my body to my soul
No, no
Well, I feel everything
When I’m coming down is the most I feel alone
No, no I’ve been sober for a year, now it’s time for me
To go back to my old ways, don’t you cry for me
Thought I’d be a better man, but I lied to me and to you”
Maybe it was suppressed anger. Anger that disguises itself as lust. Anger that whispered to me to be Heartless.
“Cause I’m heartless
And I’m back to my ways ’cause I’m heartless
All this money and this pain got me heartless
Low life for life ’cause I’m heartless”
Maybe it was a dream turned mirage.
“Cali was the mission, but now a n**** leaving Leaving, leaving into the night”
The lyrics felt good. I felt justified. All my unmet needs gave way. I decided to give in. Its my turn now. I’ll go get lost and come back later. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em, right?
It’s not Abel’s fault. He’s just a man that writes songs and sings them in a beautiful falsetto. Music isn’t to blame.
The Adversary knew what I was feeling because he knew what I was listening to. He does not have access to read my mind but does have access to my spoken words and behaviors. He knows my patterns, my history and what baits to tempt me with.
In his book, “Unwanted- How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing,” Jay Stringer writes, “Anger aims at our longing for justice and restoration. Sin enters when lust is hijacked by covetousness or demand and anger is hijacked by entitlement, contempt or dogmatic control.”
Stringer continues, “Lust and anger are the primary tributaries that flow into the river of unwanted sexual behavior. I have never met someone who struggles deeply with lust who is not also battling with unaddressed anger.”
I’m only beginning to examine these “partners in crime” as Jay Stringer calls them.
Maybe it was my unaddressed anger that lulled me into an old depravity to self punish. Stringer explains, “I have come to understand that people make bad decisions not because of the potential for pleasure but to add additional evidence to their self judgment.” Also, “they are bound to the judgment of self-contempt.”
A place where I had to hide my royal robes under beggar’s rags. I don’t belong here.
“When she runs after her lovers,
she won’t be able to catch them.
She will search for them
but not find them.
Then she will think,
‘I might as well return to my husband,
for I was better off with him than I am now.’
8 She doesn’t realize it was I who gave her everything she has—
the grain, the new wine, the olive oil;
I even gave her silver and gold.
But she gave all my gifts to Baal.” Hosea 2:7-8
One hand on the cross and the other feeling the fever of hell. Knowing the Truth but seeing with perverted vision. Bartering with God but not holding up my end of the deal. I don’t belong here.
The physical body at war with the mind, the mind at war with the mind. The body fighting the disease (dis-ease) of sin. I now believe the Spirit will activate the physiology of the body to fight sin in the physical realm to get our attention. I’ve learned the body will reject the sin even if you consciously dont. Whats already been consecrated to the Lord is rightfully his; evil rulers of the unseen world, principalities of darkness cannot keep you.
Thank the One that wins us back!
“But then I will win her back once again.
I will lead her into the desert
and speak tenderly to her there.
I will return her vineyards to her
and transform the Valley of Trouble[b] into a gateway of hope.
She will give herself to me there,
as she did long ago when she was young,
when I freed her from her captivity in Egypt.” Hosea 2:14-15
Could He really want me back?
“I will make you my wife forever,
showing you righteousness and justice,
unfailing love and compassion.
I will be faithful to you and make you mine,
and you will finally know me as the Lord” Hosea 2:19-20
I can’t count how many times God saved me from myself. Saved me from my own hands. He saved me only because he interfered. He ran interference on my play. All I can do is ask God to keep interfering. There’s nothing for me outside of His will.
“Once you were dead because of your disobedience and your many sins. You used to live in sin, just like the rest of the world, obeying the devil—the commander of the powers in the unseen world. He is the spirit at work in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God. All of us used to live that way, following the passionate desires and inclinations of our sinful nature. By our very nature we were subject to God’s anger, just like everyone else. But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!) For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus. So God can point to us in all future ages as examples of the incredible wealth of his grace and kindness toward us, as shown in all he has done for us who are united with Christ Jesus. God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” Ephesians 2:1-10
Related Music: Clean Heart by I-Von https://youtu.be/62vHhVtsqzU
Fallin by Trip Lee https://youtu.be/xG723F0PWrQ
Could Never Repay You by Bryann T https://youtu.be/Yptg_Qqjl0c
Celebrate by I-Von https://youtu.be/4Cd6QJRVzMc
Related Reading: Unwanted-How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing by Jay Stringer
Related Podcast: The Place We Find Ourselves with Adam Young
I was just reading a devotional that said “wives ought to obey their husbands” and though I am familiar with the scripture of Ephesians 5 that tell us “wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” I was disappointed in the writer’s cliché interpretation. The word obey stood out to me as the wrong sentiment for the topic.
Obey means to comply. To comply means to conform.
Submit means to yield. To yield means to relinquish something.
I could keep going but I think you see each word leads us towards two different ideas about those in a marriage relationship.
Conformity versus Relinquishment.
Relinquishment means to voluntarily give up control.
Genesis 3:16 tell us God assigned some “curses” or mandates after The Fall.
To the woman he said,
“I will make your pains in childbearing very severe;
with painful labor you will give birth to children.
Your desire will be for your husband,
and he will rule over you.”
This scripture began to stand out to me as I was transitioning away from feminism and moving towards submitting myself to God’s plan for women. It tells us that “he will rule over you” meaning the relationship that God had originally designed for men and women, something more mutual and having the essence of true equality would change. The dynamic will shift towards something that will prove undesirable. I make the comparison of Eve side stepping Adam in the Garden and eating from the tree she was directed to stay away from. She decided to take control and God’s response was well then, your husband will control you. This was a punishment in response to a poor execution of free will.
This was not a model of marriage for generations to adhere to.
This misinterpretation of God’s plan for men and women can become so harmful towards those attempting to follow the Christian faith.
Throughout millennia, men have abused their power using sacred scriptures and texts of many religions. That is our sinful nature. As a modern response, women sought secular rebellion to push back against the abuse taking on a Marxist identity called Feminism. That is our sinful nature.
Men are inclined to pursue power through means of control while women are inclined to pursue control then power.
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. 1 Peter 3:7
There will never be a winner only losers on both sides, living as enemies of God.
The solution?
Have a heart after God’s, strive to read and understand His Word through His heart not your own. Our heart is deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9, Proverbs 4:23, Matthew 15:19) and its easy read scripture through the lens of our own broken humanity. Surrender (submit) your ways to God’s ways.
1 Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. 4 Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. 5 For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a person is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.[a] 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. 7 Therefore do not be partners with them.
8 For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light 9 (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) 10 and find out what pleases the Lord. 11 Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. Ephesians 5:1-11
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:22-33
Recently I wondered what it would be like if my life was written about in the Bible. When I read the Bible about people like Moses, Rahab, Job and others I am sure they would be shocked to know that we still read and study the stories of their lives. They must have felt like ordinary people. My idea does not come from a place of exalting myself but just as every book of the Bible brings glory to God, that is my hope with my story. My aim was to write myself like an Old Testament story. Many details are left out, thats on purpose. What we have in the Bible is exactly what we need and not a word more or less. The beginning, middle and end are there to tell the story of the Gospel. I still wonder, what would God say about me?
The Book of LIANA
In the last year of the Xennial generation a girl was born. The mother called her LIANA, meaning My God Has Answered. She dedicated her daughter to the Lord. As a child, Liana was taught the story of Moses being sent down the Nile River. Also, the story of Nebuchadnezzar eating grass like the ox. Liana prayed earnestly until she was a young woman but her faith remained small.
Love was awakened before its proper time. Liana, in those days, sinned much, taking up wild living, haughtiness, sexual immorality, drunkenness, taking men to bed. She saw the fruit of displeasing God as pleasing to the eye. Liana endured much heartbreak and confusion chasing after the world.
When she was the age of 26, she lived with a man that was not her husband in a town 170 miles away from her birthplace. God allowed this for one year then The Lord became fed up with sharing Liana with the world. God caused division between Liana and the man. Liana knew this was God and she chose what was righteous in The Lord. Liana left the man and followed God.
She moved to her hometown and met at the church weekly with other believers. She read the Word and was obedient, her mind was renewed.
God called like Isaiah, Liana to,
“proclaim good news to the poor, bind up the brokenhearted, proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners.”
She continued to serve her Lord by serving the least of them.
Liana was not without fear, self-doubt or insecurity but she allowed herself to always be broken before The Lord. The Lord always saw her and tended to her heart.
If you were born in the 20th century then you grew up in feminism. Most people recall the Second Wave of the Women’s Movement or Second Wave Feminism in the 1960s and 1970s. Media made Gloria Steinem and Betty Friedan popular. That era was marked by much upheaval including to Civil Rights, the draft for Vietnam. The No Fault Divorce Law, Roe V. Wade. I know I’m missing a lot more. I enjoy history but I’m not a historian.
Hulu has a short series called Mrs. America following the lives of influencers of the 1970s. Centered on the political activity of Phyllis Schlafly, a leader of conservative women and conservative values. While watching the first few episodes I remembered reading a brief article on her in the last year. I realized while I took Women’s Studies classes during college [more than 10 years ago] I never learned about Phyllis Schlafly. Steinem and Friedan’s names were saturated in the material. Women’s Studies was built on *their movement, not the Women’s Movement as a whole. I will continue to watch Mrs. America but I wonder how she will continue to be portrayed. I strongly encourage you to read, “Subverted: How the Sexual Revolution Hijacked Feminism” by Sue Ellen Browder. I’m sure the tv series will leave out key pieces of meetings with the names mentioned above and other influences.
You might be wondering why I claim that we have all grown up in feminism because the media and many nagging women declare we are owed more “rights.” I challenge the idea that we don’t have any rights or that they are under threat of being taken away. This is the argument of the most privilege class of women known to man [I mean people-hood] [no, no I don’t]. When we cross over into demanding the right to bring about destruction and harm to one another then we cross over into madness. To rationalize yourself into illogical oblivion should scare someone. Matthew 15:19 tells us, “For out of the heart [also soul or mind] come evil thoughts–murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.”
The other night I was thinking (a practice many could benefit from). I was thinking of where racism and sexism started and why some many people choose to remain divided and hostile towards one another. When you look throughout history, people hurt people. Yes, many men abused their role and authority, they used it to bring harm to women. They disobeyed God and did not love their wives as Christ loved the church –Ephesians 5:25. Many men went in the name of God and religion to usher in their own power without instructions from God to do so. Many wars fought, won and lost. Many people groups maimed by the horrors of war, literal war and wars on ideology. Read Genesis 5:2 and you will learn – He created them male and female and blessed them. And he named them “Mankind” when they were created. We were created equal in the eyes of God as male and female were both called mankind, which means human being. When we disobeyed God sin entered in to the human being and would then be a natural human experience. What is sin? It can be defined as missing the mark. There was a goal there in the Garden of Eden and we dropped the ball, we didn’t score a point. We actually ran the ball and scored for the opposing team. Both the man and the woman were guilty of this. Man and Woman brought about harm to themselves and generations to come.
As time progresses from the Garden, the man and woman became fruitful and so on. In Genesis 5 we get a rundown of genealogy from Adam to Noah. By the time Noah was on the scene in Genesis 6, the Bible tells us that:
The Lord saw how great the wickedness of the human race had become on the earth, and that every inclination of the thoughts of the human heart was only evil all the time. 6 The Lord regretted that he had made human beings on the earth, and his heart was deeply troubled. 7 So the Lord said, “I will wipe from the face of the earth the human race I have created—and with them the animals, the birds and the creatures that move along the ground—for I regret that I have made them.” 8 But Noah found favor in the eyes of the Lord.
Here we see in the days of Noah, people went back into choosing sin and wickedness causing God to be deeply troubled.
To make a long story short, Noah made an ark at the command of God. God sent flood waters from above and below flooding the plane of the earth. Noah and his family settled in after the flood and just as one could expect his descendants continued into a path of sin against God. God watched as they decided to build a monumental tower to Heaven thinking they would no longer need God. God decided enough was enough and changed their languages from one to many. They were confused and could not collectively finish their project and God scattered them from the city. Before that, the Bible tells us that everyone spoke one language. With one swift move, God created diversity where there had been none.
As the people scattered with their differing languages and settled in different lands, their new language led to new a culture. One can argue language is culture and without it, a culture dies. Although it seems that God was reactive in scattering these people it would have been under his sovereignty.
As you move from Genesis throughout the New Testament and the Old Testament you will find a common theme. God’s people (Israelites-Hebrews-Jews) disobey God, God rescues them from themselves and their enemies, they praise and worship God- then the cycle starts again and again. The New Testament tells the story of Jesus, God’s only son whom he sent to earth to testify to the Truth and sacrifice himself for the world’s sins offering salvation. The theme of disobedience continues to run into the introduction of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Although we are granted salvation Sole Fide “by faith alone,” Jesus’ teachings call us to a much higher standard than just following the law of the Old Testament. We are die to ourselves, lose our life, take up our cross and follow him fully.
Matthew 16:2- For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.
Matthew 16:24- Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.
Romans 8:13 – For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.
Because of Jesus’ teaching and the generosity of God, we lowly human beings have the opportunity to receive the free gift of salvation when we believe the Jesus was Divine and Human; our Lord and Savior; my human nature is wicked and there is no good in me, except Jesus.
Romans 7:18- For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.
Now I ask you, Modern Christian Woman…do you believe this Gospel of Jesus Christ? Do you believe there is no good in you and you must have Jesus to just have taste of what Goodness really is?
In the Old Testament, God assigned prophets and sent them to his people to declare they must repent or face the consequences. These were harsh words for sure. In the New Testament, God sends us all to preach the Gospel and make disciples. The underlining consequences are still there. Hell is at stake.
Acts 1:8- But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.
John 14:6- Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
I ask you Modern Christian Woman to repent of your feminism and the feminism of the generations before you.
As you can see since the beginning of time, humans have been sinning against one another. Men have harmed women. Tribe has pillaged tribe. Kingdoms brutalized kingdoms. Parents have hurt their children. The human experience will never be a stranger to sin, crime, or evil. Not one of us is innocent. With unjust kingdoms and governments comes revolts. Revolutions. Some were righteous and some are indefensible as they are founded upon even more false idols and godless ideologies. That is feminism.
Mark 10:18- Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good–except God alone.
If you are a Christ follower we are to seek God’s will. What feminism did was seek its own will. Because of the disobedience of men that did not love their wives as Christ loved the church, this created pain and resentment in women generation after generation. Instead of crying out to God women began to covet the role of the man. Feminism was birthed from godless women and the envy of men is their DNA. The Bible tells us not to covet in the Old Testament and the New Testament.
Romans 13:9- The commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not covet,” and whatever other command there may be, are summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
Any woman pursuing righteousness should do her part and intercede and repent of the godless worldview of feminism.
How might history be different had dissatisfied and hurting women sought God’s will?
What if generations of women prayed something along the lines of Psalm 119?
Psalm 119:25-32- My soul cleaves to the dust;
revive me according to Your word.
I recounted my ways, and You answered me;
teach me Your statutes.
Make clear to me the way of Your precepts;
then I will meditate on Your wonders.
My soul melts with sorrow;
strengthen me according to Your word.
Remove me from the path of deceit
and graciously grant me Your law.
I have chosen the way of truth;
I have set Your ordinances before me.
I cling to Your testimonies, O LORD;
let me not be put to shame.
I run in the path of Your commandments,
for You will enlarge my heart.
I’m sure there were godly women that prayed powerful righteous prayers for their generation, but those did not get the media attention that feminism did. Think critically about the messages and worldviews you subscribe to. Feminism floods our culture with ungodliness and we must remain set apart.
What if the women before us actually pressed in to God and cried out,
“God what would you have me do? God, men have abused their position to be a slave to their own desires and the order and role of the family are a stake! You are the God of justice, how can I help? I desire your original design for the man and woman, I do not covet the man nor desire to replace him. Above all things, I desire to respect him and his assignment from you. I desire the pure love of his heart as Jesus loves us all. May I be like Esther- for such a time as this! May I be just a humble servant of the Lord God!”
I implore you to pray this prayer in 2020! Repent of feminism today!
Recommended Video:
The Nazarite Vow- Lou Engle
Recommended Reading:
“Female Chauvinist Pigs” by Ariel Levy
“Subverted: How the Sexual Revolution Hijacked Feminism” by Sue Ellen Browder
I’m no stranger to heartbreak. I’m no stranger to disappointment. I’m no stranger to not being chosen by someone.
Just because I’m familiar, though, doesn’t mean I am those things. I will not bond with those things anymore. We are acquaintances but we dont have to be friends.
Yes, they are things that have happened but its not who I am.
Up until this month, my narrative had always been: they [guys] never stay, they always leave, they never choose me, I’m the one left with all the feelings.
On October 1st, I couldn’t fall asleep. I sat up in bed and began talking with God. I wrote in my journal my narrative. That old script. I also wrote down a prayer that I’ve always prayed. My old life revolved around whatever guy I was pining for at the moment and when things weren’t working out I would always pray:
Please God, take him away if he’s not from you.
I would most often be crying out to God, literally crying and in the middle of the physical manifestation of my heart breaking. I would even make the gesture with my hands and arms giving something away, lifting it up toward heaven.
Take this away if its not from you. Take it. Take it away. I dont want it if its not from you.
I cannot count how many times I’ve prayed that. Each time in depth and sincerity. I didn’t see it as God ever answering my prayer when “they always left” until that night.
God spoke to me and said, “You asked me to take them away… I DID.”
I’m still digesting that.
It feels good to be in my flesh and be sad. It satifies, in a sick way, to be the one thats broken hearted. A pain that satifies the flesh. It feels good to be justified that I’m the one that always hurts.
This is what happens to me.
I’m the one with the broken heart when the other person just nonchalantly walks away like I’ve always been no one and nothingness.
They always leave me. They always choose someone else. They never choose me.
We eventually dry our tears and the narratives so entrenched within us lie dormant. Things seem well until we meet someone new. Or are they new? A different face with a different name but the same injury waits for us up ahead.
I’m telling you today the wounds dont have to be the same.
When God told me, “I DID,” it was also him saying, I AM THAT I AM – Exodus 3:14.
I AM and I DID.
That sentence is a whole sermon by iteself.
My God is Supreme.
Revelation 4 says,
After this I looked, and there before me was a door standing open in heaven. And the voice I had first heard speaking to me like a trumpet said, “Come up here, and I will show you what must take place after this.” 2 At once I was in the Spirit, and there before me was a throne in heaven with someone sitting on it. 3 And the one who sat there had the appearance of jasper and ruby. A rainbow that shone like an emerald encircled the throne. 4 Surrounding the throne were twenty-four other thrones, and seated on them were twenty-four elders. They were dressed in white and had crowns of gold on their heads. 5 From the throne came flashes of lightning, rumblings and peals of thunder. In front of the throne, seven lamps were blazing. These are the seven spirits 6 Also in front of the throne there was what looked like a sea of glass, clear as crystal.
In the center, around the throne, were four living creatures, and they were covered with eyes, in front and in back. 7 The first living creature was like a lion, the second was like an ox, the third had a face like a man, the fourth was like a flying eagle. 8 Each of the four living creatures had six wings and was covered with eyes all around, even under its wings. Day and night they never stop saying:
“‘Holy, holy, holy
is the Lord God Almighty,
who was, and is, and is to come.”
9 Whenever the living creatures give glory, honor and thanks to him who sits on the throne and who lives for ever and ever, 10 the twenty-four elders fall down before him who sits on the throne and worship him who lives for ever and ever. They lay their crowns before the throne and say:
11 “You are worthy, our Lord and God,
to receive glory and honor and power,
for you created all things,
and by your will they were created
and have their being.”
That Someone sitting on a throne of what could only be described as *like jewels, rainbows, lightning and thunder with creatures saying Holy, holy, holy day and night is the same person that spoke to me in the dark, “I DID.”
My imagination took me 100 steps ahead of course. I had to make the wise effort to keep my feet on the ground. I had the impulse to uncage my feelings but never heard God tell me to. I had some ups and downs because I battled those old narravtives, old triggers, not so old insecurities. When my cup got bumped I noticed insecure thoughts bubbled up causing me to revert to suspicion and defense. I was surprised how fast these old scripts showed up, often instantaneously.
I told myself, whether he’s a good guy[doesn’t hurt me] or a bad guy [hurts me], he isnt my responsibility. I am responsible for my own choices and responses. Even if this turns into nothing, God is Good and God is Good to me.
During some insecure moments the Holy Spirit convicted me.
“So this person you’ve known for like 5 minutes is gona make or break you? What about God? All HE has taught you through these past years? All this time, just you and Him? Means nothing?”
The Holy Spirit doesn’t sugar coat.
I was wrestling with my insecurities daily and unexpectedly.
I’ve been single for a long time and communicating with someone stirred up some things I needed to address. Issues that I assumed were not there.
Today, I feel good knowing I can go toe to toe with insecurity and old narratives.
God came into lies with His truth.
They didnt leave you. I removed them because you aligned your will with mine. You spent many years being double-minded and it caused confusion and sad feelings, but now you see. I’ve peeled a layer of scales from your eyes and you see what I see.
So last night….doesnt any good story start with, “so last night…”? Im right it does. I went to a poetry show called Poets in Autumn. I have never been to a poetry show and I most definitely plan to go to this one again. The artists have been touring together for some years now. They are musicians, singers and authors and influential leaders. They all love Christ and expressed the nuances and intricacies of what relationship with Jesus feels like. How it manifests in the personal and the social. Overall I loved the experience.
It reminded me that I do dabble in the expression of words. As a young person I always had a notebook of poems. Most filled with melancholy and sometimes rage. Much of my creative writing focused on whichever boy was the object of my infatuation and pain at the time. I did throw away a lot notebooks and journals in effort to rid myself of soul ties. Read A Lonely Girl’s Cry.
But in recent years I have been writing some short pieces in my notes in my phone. All but one are old. God has a way of bringing you into seasons of beauty if you lay your ashes at His altar. I believe the fragrance of your past burning is a sweet smell of worship to the Father.
Today while creativity and expression are still potent, I decided to share those pieces here. Just like in my post All the Songs I Like are Sad, so it seems true for my poetry! Maybe one day I will sing a New song but for now this is what once was.
______________________
May 16, 2017
Saturday nights
Were always reserved
Just for you
Tonights no different
What do you do
When youre lonely?
I think of you
But i suppose
You think of her.
I just wanna be
Beautiful for you.
Feeling like
a train
That’s not on route.
Summer nights
Were reserved for you
Thunder and lightening
I just want you
Everytime
Night air on my legs
Reaching for my hand
In the crowds
Was my favorite
Part.
I didn’t know you
At 18 but i wish
We woulda met then
It coulda been perfect
In some other life.
_________________________
June 27, 2017
You triggered my insecurity
With your breath
Just by your voice tone
Hitting the airways
The way you
Didn’t look at me
Though i guess you wanted to
The way you
Played it all cool
Til it was just ice
Touching my skin
The way you
Ignored my ridiculous
texts
The ones that said Hey
The ones i sent trying
To get an appointment
In your mind
Even if it couldn’t be in
Your heart
The way you
Smiled
The way you laughed
It all triggered my insecurities
The way you
Wouldn’t answer my insecure- girl questions
The way you left my house
And later my apartment
The way you walked out of my door frame
The way you never called me
The way you’d come back
As if months hadnt passed
I was just an insecure girl
Covered in make up
Perfume
And pomp
I didnt know how to treat a man
How to get along with a man
You triggered my insecurities
You were unimpressed with me
You had your fill of me
And there wasnt much left
I always wanted to
Break free
But i was just a scared insecure girl
With gaudy plans
I was too proud to show up
So i stayed inside to cry
give up
let pain be done to me.
___________________________
July 9, 2017
I just want to look at him
And say Dont You Want to be 17 Again?
Before your heart was shattered
Before sex left you empty
Before you knew not to trust
When love was an exotic location
Somewhere in the universe
Dripping down your fingertips
When smiles were currency
Holding hands was awkwardly exciting
Jagged Edge and Faith Evans on
Midnight Love
Talking on the house phone all night
Writing letters in notebooks
Signing 2 u 4rm me
Airbrush t- shirts with our names on ’em
Not afraid of what anyone would say
___________________________
August 12, 2017
You must have known
You must have known
Couldnt you tell?
Couldnt you see?
Didn’t you feel it in my kiss
Didn’t you feel it in my body
My heart rupturing
Exploding onto your chest
Did my soul ever reach yours?
Did you see even a single tear?
I know at least one spilled out
did you feel it in the atmosphere?
Could you ever hear the lumps of heartbreak
I swallowed
Could you ever hear the silent fears
escaping my brain
Fears streaming like a social media timeline
Did you ever notice
me
My inside me
Did you ever stay up late
wondering about the inside of me
Even just once?
Didn’t you want to feel?
Didn’t you want to want it?
Could you still
With me?
__________________________
February 5, 2018
Its hard
Living life in the shell
Behind the glass
You survive
But no one knows.
__________________________
September 12, 2018
The hardest pill
To swallow
Is that im not yours
Youre not mine
And God never told me
You were mine
You never wanted me
And still dont
Because this has been
All in my head
All these years
You havent reached out
In years
And im always watching
My notifications
Youre with someone
And shes prettier
Thinner
And even thats
Not enough motivation
For me to stop
Disregarding portion sizes
And i feel ridiculous
For even still keeping my head up
In public in case you walk by
We’re in the same city
But universes away
I hope i dont run into you
While you’re with her
I wouldnt recover
I hate that im jealous
That i once had your attention
If only for a night
I hate that i settled for your crumbs
I thought it would pay off
One day and youd choose me
But all these days prove
I was grossly mistaken
Thats not how it works
Is it sad my biggest dream in life
Is a man proposing to me?
I cant imagine it because
90% of me doubts itll be reality
And sometimes im mad at God
I feel forgotten about
Like David with the sheep
All the other girls get lined up
Presented as the best
And no one even invited me
Everyone’s life is picking up speed
But mine is unwitnessed
No one sees me
No one comes for me
No one comes
How can i not want this?
How can be relieved from this?
This plague
__________________________
December 24, 2018
I don’t have much to offer
This is what ill say
If you look twice at me.
Im not who i used to be
Somehow i still think *that
is who’d you’d like,
But not the TodayMe.
The TodayMe is awkward in crowds
Rigidly shy in moments i unexpected.
The TodayMe is invisible
Like how no one could ever imagine
Clark Kent is Superman.
The TodayMe almost walks with my head down
secretly hoping someone sees me but doesn’t.
The TodayMe deeply desires to be noticed
but you’d never notice.
The TodayMe thinks in monologues that’ll never be heard.
The TodayMe cant offer you much.
The TodayMe wouldnt know what to say if you spoke in my direction.
The TodayMe wouldnt know what to do if you wanted to see me outside of our meeting spot.
The TodayMe cant escape the pangs of insecurity by letting you take my clothes off.
The TodayMe fears i’d rather stay alone.
The TodayMe might just stand at the bus stop all my life.
__________________________
September 2, 2019
Im trying
My best
But you dont know.
Lies are coming at me
About you
But
If its true then whos lying?
Im trying not to see you
With the lenses of my past
Guys who dont care
Guys that ignore me
Guys that stay but only for a night.
Im hoping thats not you
But i dont know you.
If youre the real deal
Then i want you
If youre playing games
Then NO.
Im fighting my own thoughts
Waring against you.
Id like to know
Im making the right decisions
maybe im just being stupid.
Because those types of things dont
Happen for me.
Guys leave,
Thats what happens to me.
They throw me back
And fish for someone else
Put me in the discard pile
And draw another card.
_________________________
Confessions of a Recovering Feminist 