Uncategorized

Incognito

Incognito:

(of a person) having one’s true identity concealed.

synonyms: under an assumed name, under a false name, in disguise, disguised, under cover, in plain clothes, camouflaged

God recently spoke to me about coming out of hiding,

Come out of your hiding places so that you can’t rely on them anymore.

I imagine the character, Oliver Queen (Green Arrow of DC Comics). Back to when he had been abandoned on the island. After becoming aware that he was supposed to be a dead and that there were villains sent to kill him, he began to hide. He hid in a variety of places. He hid to survive. Oliver Queen was hiding from the real threat of death and torture.

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We hide from the real or perceived threat of hurt, rejection, shame and insecurity.

Why hide? We are afraid to be broken and we desire to save face in the presence of those threats.

Last fall I read Uninvited (Lysa Turkeurst), Unashamed (Christine Caine) and Without Rival (Lisa Bevere). The major themes were rejection, shame and God’s unique love for us as individuals. Uninvited led to a revelation of my deep needs to feel noticed and safe.

At our human core we are self-protectors and hiders. Adam and Eve tried to protect themselves from the sight of their nakedness and sin. They hid in the Garden from God unsuccessfully.

We have yet to perfect this hiding game. God beckons us out of our hiding places.

In December, I wrote in my journal:

Whats so hard with telling someone how you really feel? Why is rejection so terrifying? Why does rejection hurt so badly? So deeply? Whats so hard about showing your real feelings? With letting someone see you cry? Whats so hard about telling someone you hurt my feelings? Why are all of those things so scary? Why am I so afraid of those? Whats so hard about being vulnerable? I don’t know how to not hide. I don’t know how to come out of hiding.

The next day, God spoke to me about saving face. He said,

You want to save face, I AM your face.

I said Whhaaaa? I’m still trying to really grasp what He meant.

The concept of “saving face” has its roots in Chinese culture [when you search Google]. I know its roots go way back. The Chinese “saving face” is a way to avoid humiliation for yourself or for someone else. Using this definition, I could say I’m trying to save myself from humiliation. A synonym of humiliate is shame or making someone feel ashamed. So here we have arrived at Shame once again. Shame always causes us to hide.

Though we try to avoid shame, humiliation, rejection, incompetency, inability, inadequacy

God takes those away and makes us delightful, honored, acceptedcompetent, able, adequate.

I am your dwelling place       Deuteronomy 33:27

One night in January, I couldnt get to sleep. I got out of bed and ate a bowl of cereal. Looking around my living room I read a sign I have up that says,

The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still.      Exodus 14:14

I began seeing it in a very new way. Often times, we focus on the “be still” portion of this scripture. Telling ourselves to chill out- Gods got this. This time I saw the “The Lord will fight for you” even larger and bolder than ever before. The Lord…will FIGHT. FIGHT for ME. Little ‘ol me. I began to pray,

Father God, please fight for me. I release me. I release me from the duty to fight for myself. I invite you, the Holy Spirit to fight for me.

Tears fell. Tears I didn’t know were ready to be released. God has been speaking to me for years about these issues. My way of having my emotions controlled. I most often, feel the safest when alone. Though I have close relationships with a small (tiny) group of people, I continue to stay retreated within myself.

“I can allow the Holy Spirit to become my defense mechanism (p. 88, Unashamed).”

Last week, I began to think of the story in Matthew 14 of the disciples on a boat during the night. We are often amazed at the story. Just before dawn, the disciples saw someone on the water. They thought it was a ghost! Jesus told them “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” Peter told Jesus, if it really is you “tell me to come to you on the water.”  Jesus does tell him to come out onto the water. Peter gets out of the boat but upon looking down at the water gets a little freaked and Jesus steps in and keeps him above the water.

WoW.

Lets back up though. Matthew 14:28 tells us that Peter told Jesus to tell him to come out onto the water.

!!!WHAT??? I would never have said that. First, because I do have a fear of deep water, drowning and very large sea creatures swallowing me. I would have been one of the disciples that was not talking, trying to camouflage with the boat. I would have hoped that Jesus was a ghost so I didn’t have to get out of that boat! Peter didn’t hide. He didn’t retreat in fear. Jesus beckoned him out of the boat. Out of safety – because He was the Safety. He was the boat, the safety net, the refuge.

He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.    Psalm 91:2

I recently listened to a short webcast from a woman named, Jennifer LeClaire. She prophesied, “Emerge from your Cave.”

The notes I took were yet another addition to this entire message from God to me.

-look upon God’s face

-dont look at their face – look upon Mine

-emerge from the cave, cave dwellers

caves

I’m coming out the caves. I’m revealing my hiding spots so that I can’t go back to them. In the moments to come when I feel like retreating, defending myself against the threats of hurt, rejection, shame and insecurity I will rely on the Lord. It will be a case by case basis because I don’t know what exactly I’m in for. I will show up though. I wont play it safe from inside the caverns. I’m aware the only way to achieve this is to take myself out of the equation and yield it to the Holy Spirit. Less of me, more of HIM.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1529618177058879&id=146855628668481
 

(Unashamed- Christine Caine)

“Always keep in mind you are accepted by God.”    – John Eckhardt

Related Reading:

Uninvited by Lysa Turkeurst

Unashamed by Christine Caine

Without Rival by Lisa Bevere

Related Video:

Related Music:

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Journaling, Quick Read, Transformation

Creatures

“God take these chains off of me, take the chains off of my heart off my body off my brain. Take these chains Take these chains off of me. God take these chains. These chains of consequences.

he raped my heart now I’m dealing with the consequences of low self-esteem no confidence. I gave him full reign on my body & mind. It’s all over now, it’s gotta be over. Cuz there’s no other way.”                                                                                               July 7, 2010

 

I wrote that in a journal I found in a box in my closet, literally and figuratively. A box inside my closeted soul. I wrote in the Purge how there was a time in my life where I teetered the line of crazy. That post was centered on a particular individual and the merry-go-round I rode with him.

This post however, I want to focus on myself.

I sat on the floor in my room reading these excruciating types of entries, recalling the events or being shocked at events I never remembered. Texting him in the middle of the night “delete my number and forget about me” and “tell me to stop talking to you.” Most going unanswered, unacknowledged driving me even madder. Never in a million years would I have ever admitted to being that crazy girl. In fact, I had like most people remembered the past as I chose to. Glossing over my own poor behavior and over emphasizing the poor behavior in the other person. After a text was ignored I wrote how I cried “all night” or “until I feel asleep.” This scenario saturated my journal.

I began to cry myself. Six years later, I am 31 years old and so far removed from the person I once was. My heart broke for the young me. Someone so lost. Lost in someone else. Lost in reality. I cried and apologized to God for not knowing Him then. I know YOU now though. You came for me, you never stopped coming for me. I felt shaken to my core.

I never truly saw the cage I was in until the other night reading page of page of utter nonsense. Pages of illogical and immature behavior. I was caged up in insecurity and rejection. An embalmed cycle.

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I told God later, I forgive him [the guy] even though I already have. Just in case there is something still there and I don’t know it. I release him. I forgive myself.

As I continued to process my thoughts and raw emotions, I believe God told me that it was not him [the guy] – it was not flesh and blood but principalities at work.

“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”    Ephesians 6:12

Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only LIGHT drives out darkness. I was in some of the darkest rooms stumbling around, trying to find my way, getting bumped and bruised. The enemy liked me in the dark. Falling down and grasping, hurting myself. My sense of self hanging on the whims of another person [the idea of the other person]. Clouds and storms of dysfunction in between us. Looking back, I now believe there was only a small fraction of our real selves that were present with one another. We came to the surface sporadically only to retreat in fear moments later. What a sad way to live your life.

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The old me died a while ago, specifically on May 31, 2015 when I was baptized. I am a NEW creature and NEW thing in Christ.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”   2 Corinthians 5:17

“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”     Isaiah 43:19

We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.”      Romans 6:4

For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin—“     Romans 6:6

“Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness. For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace.”     Romans 6:12-14

new_creature_in_christ_by_marlacalandradesigns-d3hnpdz.jpgRelated Music: 

Once and For All- Lauren Daigle


 

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Quick Read, satire

10 #ChristianLife Hacks

The last few years have been my Christ following years and I have learned a few things here and there. Some lessons came easier than others but God has taught me so much and I would like to share some pointers.

This is also my first attempt at *satire*…

1. First of all, you don’t have to change. God loves you, just as you are and wants to leave you like that. He made you and He doesn’t make mistakes. So things like sin, generational curses and inequities – He loves them! God’s grace covers all things especially unrepentant, cold hearts. By all means, go to the club and at a drunken IHOP pit stop is the optimal time to invite your unsaved friends to church in just a few hours! They will definitely take you up on the offer. Another sure fire way to advance the Kingdom is to continue to see every rated R movie there is as well as spend time worshipping worldly musicians and bands. 

2. Don’t devote your time to “duties” like studying the Word, prayer, worship, serving others. Be a Mary not a Martha!

3. There’s nothing better than showing off God’s handiwork by posting provocative selfies. Pouty lips? Cleavage? Abdominal V? How might others ever know there is a God if they never see your lust provoking hot bod? 

4. Live in your feelings. Make large decisions based on your feelings. God wants us to follow our hearts even if we follow them into sin, strife, judgment, uncontrolled anger or bitterness. 

5. Pursue relationships with unsaved people that don’t encourage you spiritually. Its even better if you can develop a deep connectedness (often called a soul tie) to someone that is hostile to the Word of God. How else can we welcome suffering like the those persecuted in Hebrews 11?

6. Overzealously champion politicians and gluttonous corporations that are contrary to the Word of God. We must love our enemies so much that we become them.

7. When refering to God use key phrases like: The Universe, good vibes, mindfulness, patriarchy, outdated traditions and barbaric gender roles. This bridges the gap between Christ followers and everyone else. God wants us to go into all the nations and assimilate.

8. It is also important to divide people racially. After all, Egyptians are slave owners and Romans are elitists. Neither of which ever made it to Heaven. God only loves the oppressed not the oppressors.

9. Date many many many Christians. Always remember to #blessed all of you & Bae’s kissing pics.

10. If I could sum up all of these into one main point it would be, as a Christian you have all of the rights and none of the responsibility to feed yourself. Why eat filet mignon when you can have all of the milk and honey you want?

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Uncategorized

Feminists: the Real Misogynists

Not too long ago I attended a seminar where the facilitator was presenting on sexism in the media. The facilitator showed us a short video compilation of printed images such as advertisements as well as music videos clips. Some dated back to the 50s with the all knowing man and the ditzy wife theme. Some were of a recent timeframe, raunchy and inflammatory, some alluded to violence. Of course, the group I was with [women] found all these images distasteful and yup, you guessed it….SEXIST. Well duh. The discussion questions were very typical per this subject matter, “What do these images have in common? What messages about relationship are in these images?” I didn’t participate much (or at all) because I found all of it to be so much of Intro to Women’s Studies, which I exuberantly participated in over 10 years ago. This was supposed to be a workshop among professionals in my field, but I felt as if I went back to a pre-Kardashian era. Sometimes I wonder why we as a society are still talking about sexism? We are precisely the people that are perpetuating it and parading it around. Like it or not, “society” is not a distant land where all the bad people live. Society is you and me, all of us. Together and individually. Own It.

“A tawdry, cartoonlike version of female sexuality has become so ubiquitous, it no longer seems particular. What we once regarded as a *kind* of sexual expression we now regard *as* sexuality.”    -Ariel Levy (Female Chauvinist Pigs, 2005)

(This the most censored photo of “Rihanna see through dress” photo)

I reached the end of my rope this week when I read that Madonna offered fellatio for Clinton votes. YUCK. I read the headline and wanted to throw-up. I’m done. I’m done caring about women that do not care about themselves. Its hard and honestly, don’t know how Jesus has a never-ending cup of cares for people that disgrace themselves. Yes, in decades and centuries that are long gone, men predominately were the ones that objectified us. Of course. However, you’ve got to be blind, deaf, and brain-dead to not comprehend the insidious damage you do to yourselves. You watch raunchy rated R movies, music videos, and tv shows with pubescent boy antics, foul language, derogatory terms, blatant female nudity, rape and much much more AND you LOVE IT. As long as the main female character is someone like Beyoncé, Katy Perry, Rihanna, Amy Schumer and sure even Madonna. You start claiming a membership to the Bee Hive and bragging you have a girl-crush.

“Why is this the “new feminism” and not what it looks like: the old objectification?”  -A. Levy

However, not too long ago you hated Black rappers, Eminem and Robin Thicke. How Dare They! No offense, but even men know what kind of women to respect and what kind of women get the crumbs from the table. Sure, they should respect all of us. I’m sure that went out of the window when Adam realized he was naked after eating the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. Adam hid himself and attempted to cover his shame, then blamed Eve for the transgression.

Eve did not respect herself enough to not fall into the lies of the serpent (Satan) and offered Adam a bite into sin. Eve allowed Adam to think sinning with her was desirable and permissible. Perhaps, she thought a little fun wouldn’t be so bad. She soon realized it was not a little fun but a massive error in judgment.

Adam turned his back on her.

The man said, “The woman you put here with me–she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”   -Genesis 3:12

You turned your back on God, and in return Adam turned his back on you.

What can be done now?

Stop wearing your nipples and genitals on your sleeve. Stop glamorizing prostitution. Stop calling pornography, prostitution and stripping Sex Work. Its not a profession or an industry. Its sexual abuse, rape, human trafficking and slavery. Stop fawning over celebrities that perpetuate sexual stereotypes. Stop laughing at the crude humor of other women if you’d be “offended” if a man said the same thing. Don’t be a hypocrite. Stop buying supermarket magazines that are one less article away from PlayBoy. Stop watching porn. Stop sexting. Stop “tinder dating,” aka hooking up with strangers you meet online. FYI, no one thinks it’s an actual date. Stop thinking you can’t be sexist because you’re a woman. Stop thinking that calling yourself a feminist absolves you of misogynistic behavior. If you have no grace in your heart for the drug addicted woman that sells her body for just one more hit, then DO NOT praise these celebrities, friends or yourself for trading sexual appeal for just one more hit of attention. Stop trying to be “one of the guys.” So what if you can tell a sexist joke or drink a man under the table, you want credit for that? You want applause for that? Stop stalking other women  or the other woman on social media, stalking is predatory behavior. Stop reveling in phallic ornaments like beaded necklaces and drinking straws at bachelorette parties. You celebrate your marriage by worshipping genetalia? Divorce statistics are just so sad aren’t they? Perhaps if adult men and women were making covenants instead of having frat parties, oh I mean weddings.

You have completely trivialized the human body, especially the female body. You continue to over emphasize the physical and underestimate the spiritual. You see yourself as just a sum of your parts, but you and I are much more than the total number of body parts. There is something bigger at stake here. It depressing that you don’t see it. Women are 70% more likely to experience depression than men; 12 million women in the United States are clinically depressed each year.

“And, of course, many individuals find it more acceptable to frame their problems as the result of a mental disorder and to take psychotropic drugs to attempt to relieve their distress than to see their suffering as the result of psychosocial problems.”  -Allen Horwitz and Jerome Wakefield

All this liberation and you can not liberate yourself from the pagan sexism you perpetuate. You can be as “sex positive” as you want, but you can not sever yourself from the psychosocial consequences. It is easier to live a life out of control, a slave to your emotions and body than to die to your flesh. You are nothing more than eternal tweens and teens literally dying for cheap thrills.

 

 

https://youtu.be/tLIJZ8Q72QM

Related Reading:

https://milo.yiannopoulos.net/2017/04/ghetto-feminist-graduation-cap/

http://www.ariellevy.net/books.php?article=2

https://edendecoded.com/blog-3/item/goddess-complex-power-to-prevent-life
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/09/18/books/review/18egan.html?_r=0

http://www.rolereboot.org/culture-and-politics/details/2013-08-an-open-letter-to-miley-cyrus-wagging-your-tongue-at

http://thefederalist.com/2016/08/31/feminism-worst-enemy/
http://thefederalist.com/2014/07/28/irony-thy-name-is-feminism/

http://inthesetimes.com/article/5575/girls_gone_anti-feminist

http://thefederalist.com/2016/08/31/feminism-worst-enemy/
http://www.bet.com/news/music/2013/07/11/robin-thicke-responds-to-backlash-over-blurred-lines.html#!

Should We Bow Down at the Feet of Modern Hollywood Goddesses?

GROSS: They say Trump objectifies women? MADONNA just offered Lewinsky to…

http://www.charismanews.com/opinion/watchman-on-the-wall/60663-beyonce-s-haunted-demonic-flow-drives-teens-to-slit-their-wrists?utm_source=Consumer%20Promotions&utm_medium=email&utm_content=subscriber_id:547078&utm_campaign=Charisma%20Weekly%20Recap%2010/21/16

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/really-an-epidemic-of-depression/

http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/conditions/depression-women
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The Cross, Transformation, video

Sevin of H.O.G.M.O.B.G.O.M.

 

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Sevin

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Men, Quick Read

a Desolate Man

 

namib-desert-southern-africa

The desert is a desert because it gets no rain. It gets no rain because it gets no clouds. The conditions are hostile to plant or animal life.

Your heart is a desert. Uninhabited. Barren. It gets no replenishing rain because you never embrace the clouds. You’re stingy with what little water you receive and produce creations like shrubs and cacti. Your shrubs produce limited sustenance and the cacti, no soft place to rest.

I often used to settled in your desert like Terah dying in Harran (Gen. 11:31-32) and made idols of you like the golden calf (Ex. 32) only to be sunburned and left to endure the desert’s below freezing temperatures all alone. My heart became too sensitive to your elements and ravaged by your weather. 

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

“I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh.”  -Ezekiel 11:19

You parked at the point of your pain. Its time to put the keys in the ignition and rev up the engine. The road belongs to you.

This is your invitation to Eden. Please join me…

Related Music:

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Quick Read

31 Things I Ain’t Got Time For

 

As of today, I’m officially in my “30s.” Now that I’m 31, I would like to take some time to list (because I’m a nerd and like lists) all the things I don’t have time for anymore. After a few serious blog topics I thought I would lighten the mood up a bit. This is for fun but do not underestimate the severity of this list.

1. Pants

2. Not getting enough sleep

3. Paying the extra $ for late Redbox movies

I once paid about $7!

4. Bad coffee

5. A messy apartment

6. Shame

7. People inciting arguments in my Facebook comments

Do you really think you will change my mind?

8. Putting off fun

9. Letting my gas light come on

10. Not washing my car

11. Feeling sad about loving carbs

I day dream about pasta.

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12. Old fashioned non-reclining movie theater seats

Seriously, my short legs need to be elevated.

13. Feeling awkward about leaving a social gathering early

14. Wifi passwords

I’m too scared to ask you.

15. Creating “accounts” for almost every website

I have no idea what my login name is, or the password…or the security question answer.

16. Spam mail

I don’t want to meet in SEXXXY GiRLs in my area.

17. Regular mail

I don’t want to rent-to-own a 75” flat screen tv.

18. Commercials on Hulu

Watching the same 3 commercials makes me feel crazy.

19. Charging my phone

20. Coffee not being free in America

At this point in time it should be coming from drinking fountains.

21. Not going on walks like I like to

22. Eating junk-food

23. Buffering

24. Running out of data

25. Being late everywhere

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26. Rewards cards at every store

Its great that I have 650,972,504 points, but in some weird conversion it equates to .47 cents?

27. Matching socks

28. Milk that expires

29. Movie theater snack prices

I can a get a 32oz pop at a gas station for .70 cents.

30. Any type of fee

31. People that are self-checkout incompetent

You should have to pass a test first.

 

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