It’s been a long while since I shared my thoughts of feminism. I started this blog years ago, based on my transition out of feminist attitudes. I cannot keep up with the spiral of men & women year after year. This video encompasses all of what I’d say myself! I’m reposting this Melanie King episode of her commentary on this Jordan Peterson & Louise Perry conversation.
Louise Perry is the author of, The Case Against the Sexual Revolution. I’m looking forward to reading in the new year!
Tonight I shared this message at my work place during a monthly celebration of the guests in our recovery program. Last month, after the celebration I typed up this message and had the idea to play this music video in the background to illustrate my main points. I know that God has messages in me, I just have to step up and out to share them. The following is my message I shared.
****I thought I had a unique way of thinking about God and Jesus for some time, then Justus came out with this video and it brought it to a whole other level.
I have a vision of the court room. I’m/we’re the defendant sitting on the right side. The county attorney is on the left. The judge is in front of us on his bench.
Many of you know this scene and what it feels like. Your life is in someone else’s hands. You’re not sure what the outcome will be. Hoping you got a “good” judge. Hoping your attorney has done the best for you. A lot is on the line.
Maybe it was a very public high profile case. Maybe it was your first time facing a judge. Your family might have your back or they deserted you already. No one can bail you out and your friends are nowhere to be found. You’re having to stand on your own and face the consequences.
Many people know of God the Father as a Judge. He will judge us all on Judgement Day. But most leave it as that. God is a judge. God judges me. It doesn’t matter what I do, we’re all doomed. So what’s the point?
In my career, I’ve been an unofficial and official advocate. I’ve gone to court with people to offer support and encouragement. That’s what an advocate does. The Holy Spirit is our advocate. The bible calls him our Advocate in John 14:26. The Holy Spirit is on your right side holding you up when you’re not strong enough.
But on your left, you have the greatest attorney ever, Jesus.
In fact, if you see it the way I’ve come to see it – its that God tipped the scales of justice in favor of us by sending us Jesus. We’ve sinned against God so we can’t go to Heaven but He gave us Jesus so that we can go to Heaven to be with Him.
Can you imagine going to court tomorrow, and your attorney is the judge’s son? Wouldn’t you feel pretty good? I know that God the Father has the same heart for you that Jesus his son does. God the Judge has the same heart for you that Jesus the attorney does.
Jesus approaches the Judge in the court of heaven, as Satan the Accuser (that’s in the bible too) approaches the Judge and accuses you of all the things you’ve done. He tells God you’re a liar, an adultery, fornicator, thief, idolater, murderer etc. He hates you. Jesus stands before the
Father,
I know this man. I know this woman. This is my Friend
my brother
This is my sister
She loves me. He loves me. I can vouch for him. I know her heart. She’s clean. He’s repented. I’ve cleansed them.
Knowing that your attorney is the judge’ son, do you see how the Accuser has nothing on you? At best all he can do is accuse. If you give your life to Christ, and follow Christ and let the Holy Spirit dwell on the inside of you— you will be washed CLEAN. The Accuser will have no case against you. He will not have any evidence. God the Father didn’t have to send someone to take our charge, to take our punishment. But HE LOVED US SO MUCH HE STILL WANTED US EVEN AFTER ALL WE”VE DONE TO GRIEVE HIM. DESPITE THE SORROW HE FEELS TIME AFTER TIME BECAUSE WE BECOME HIS FOES. HE STILL WANTS US. HE DOESN’T WANT TO LISTEN TO THE ACCUSER. SO WHY DO WE LISTEN TO HIM? When Christ let out, “It is finished.” That’s what he meant. The accuser is finished. Shame is finished. Self Harm is finished. Self hate is finished. He took all of that. He took our sins to the Cross but also the pain, the infliction, the wounds of the heart and mind.
All of this stuff already happened. These are facts and truth. All we have to do is RECEIVE this Truth. Do you now why Jesus came? Most will say to save us, that’s part of it. But in his own words to Pilate, the regional leader of the Roman empire, just before Jesus was sentenced to a crucifixion, Pilate asked Jesus if he was a king. Jesus tells him, “ …in FACT, the reason I was born and came into this world is to testify to the truth. Everyone on the side of truth listens to me.” John 18:37
He came to testify ( def: give evidence as a witness in a court of law, serve as proof of something existing, something being the case) to the truth.
Will you stand with Jesus and testify to the Truth? Will you stop listening to the lies of the Accuser?
–Prayer:
Jesus, I want to receive you as Truth, please show me how. I want to reject the Accuser’s lies, please show me how. Your will not mine. In Jesus name, Amen.
***The following is an article I just found!***
Images of Intimacy by Josh Glasser
March 22, 2018
https://regenerationministries.org/images-of-intimacy/
“If you struggle with lust, consider this for a moment: Can you explain why you are drawn to the form of a woman or the form of a man?
Beyond the specifics of what part of the body titillates you sexually, have you ever considered why it titillates you? Why does your body stir at the sight of another’s body? Is it a learned response because your body knows the pleasure that awaits if you engage in sexual activity? Maybe, but it did not begin that way.
At the core, the bodily stirring, the feeling of being drawn, the romantic and sexual desire, all these happen because sex is relational.
In pornography and other forms of sexual fantasy, intimacy isn’t really there, of course, but something in the images suggests it is. Nakedness suggests it.
By God’s design, nakedness is a sign, an icon, an expression, an image of intimacy. It has always been so. God has made the human body wonderful and glorious—“fearfully and wonderfully made”—beautiful to behold.
We might also think of this in this way: The naked body reveals the person without covering, without veil, without obstruction. If intimacy is knowing and being known fully, then of course nakedness would serve as a sign of more complete knowing than clothing would. Clothing veils, even disguises the physical person. Nakedness reveals.
And nakedness as a sign of intimacy goes further still. Consider the sexual parts of the body. What makes them “sexual”? Isn’t it that they are designed to connect intimately with another human being?
In nakedness, a man and woman’s genitalia is exposed—the specific parts of the body by which we experience deeply intimate physical knowing and being known. The man and woman’s bodies are designed for intimate connection—two becoming “one flesh” with each other.
So doesn’t it make sense that the naked images of man or woman draws us because of our God-given need and our good longing for intimacy—to know and be known fully and without fear?
Lust, pornography, and other expressions of sexual sin hijack the icon of intimacy and use it instead as a false intimacy—the form without the substance. For a few moments, the brain and body may have a sense of nakedness without shame, a sense of being known and knowing. The human body on its own cannot tell the difference between the real and the false. But the soul can.
This is why lust never satisfies.
Jesus came to restore the union between body and soul. We were rent apart in the fall, but Jesus can make us whole again. Jesus can help us see again.
We are drawn to nakedness because we are created for intimacy.
Nakedness is a sign, an image, an icon of intimacy because it reveals that our bodies are created by God for intimacy, for knowing and being known, to love and to be loved. In this way, human nakedness is most profoundly an image, a sign, an icon created to reveal God Himself.
Do you struggle with lust? Recognize your longing for intimacy. Seek out healthy, non-sexual intimate relationships. Ask Jesus to show you who He sees when all you see is a what. And keep asking Jesus to raise your body from the death of false intimacy and to make you whole again—body and soul—an image bearer of God.
Question for you: What stands out to you in this post? How might this change your approach to dealing with lust? Leave a comment here.
For you,
Josh
P.S. Listen and subscribe to our new podcast! Search for “Regeneration Ministries Podcast” on iTunes or wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts!”
I’ve been pursuing deeper things with the Lord lately and examining the issue of soul ties. Soul ties are the bonds we make with others. They can be healthy or toxic, Kingdom building or Kingdom breaking, holy or unholy.
Recently I looked through a workbook from a transformative conference my church calls, All Access. In the conference we cover the deeper topics of Identity, Generational Inequity, Father & Mother Wounds, Inner Vows, Soul Ties and more. I’ve participated a few times in the past couple of years. Each time new issues in my heart and mind are brought to light. Soul ties are always on the forefront of my quest. I have on multiple occassions prayed prayers breaking soul ties to people of my past, specifically sexual in nature. Honestly, each time I do I haven’t felt much happening after that. I’ve prayed but the pull in my soul still persists.
During one of the sessions at All Access, a deep intricate thought came to me but I didnt jot it down in my notes. I assumed it was such an epiphany that I’d remember later…but…I didn’t remember! Grrr! About a week later I reviewed my notes and tried desperately to remember that great thought. I searched the internet for more information on soul ties and watched a teaching video from Jennifer LeClaire. The link to the video is at the bottom of this post.
Everything I read included the steps to breaking soul ties. One of the steps was always to get rid of mementos or gifts, anything that could link you back to the soul tie. I kept thinking I don’t have any objects at all, nothing. I have gotten rid of things like that. But the Holy Spirit reminded me I had journals in boxes in my closet. He told me to get rid of them. Its true, I had journals and journals of documentation of the past, exploits with men and all kinds of unrighteous and spiritually dead themes.
Amongst these journals I had been holding onto a photograph of myself and my “first love” from 2002. He was my first sexual partner and yes first love. He died in 2011 of alcohol poisoning. Sad & Alone. We hadn’t been a couple since 2004. There were some brief sexual encounters years later. I hesitated putting the picture in the throw away box. It was the last item that would link us together.
There were many more stories I threw away in between all those pages.
Included was a play by play of the unrequited love that defined my life. Someone I wanted to be with since I first slept with him. Talk about a Stage 5 clinger! He NEVER wanted me more than to sleep with and I wanted it all from him. To this day I’ve still wanted him. This person has always been the object of my soul tie prayers. I’ve *always* been conflicted about it.
At All Access, our Pastor’s wife (oversees all counseling needs at our church) said something about being Bonded to Loneliness. Those pages were filled with a lonely girl’s cry, confusion, rejection, insecurity etc. Thats been the theme of my heart for decades, and I’m only 32! On that day, March 12th, I threw away all the old scripts and memories. I know I have to cling to the New Life Jesus gave me.
Did magic happen on that day? No. God is not a magician. I’m unaware of what all took place in the spirit realm when I followed through with the Holy Spirit’s directive to throw away those journals. I’m unaware of all the unholy doors that were slammed and bolted shut that day. Im unaware of what Heaven is is now able to do on my behalf because of my obedience. I dont know everything but I know it was a move I had to make to get closer to Jesus and the Father.
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Related Reading:
https://www.charismamag.com/spirit/spiritual-warfare/25853-7-signs-of-an-unhealthy-soul-tie
As I was driving home from a work event I was listening to Clean by Natalie Grant. A memory came to the forefront and I figured I would have to write about it. I was trying to think of title but I didn’t like, “Don’t be a Cheapskate” or “How I knew I had to Stop having Sex.” Another song I like is a country song called Every Little Thing by Carly Pearce.
“Every little thing, I remember every little thing, the high the hurt the shine the sting of every little thing…”
I love it because I’m one those people that remembers. I remember those little things, all the things that never mattered to the other person.
One of the last times I slept with a particular person (about 5 years ago), I remember we didn’t use any protection. Surprise- Surprise. At that time, I was (pathetically) okay with it because I only did that with him. I wasn’t sleeping with anyone else nor did I want to. I was okay with there not being a boundary. I’m not condoning unprotected sex here but explaining my own poor choices.
The next days after, I realized we should have used protection because although I knew where I had been- I did not know where he had been. I could not account for what he was doing with other women or not doing with other women. He was a wild card. I decided to text him.
“Just so you know I only do that with you.”
His response went something like, “Yea me too…I’m clean…trust me.”
He asked if I was on the pill and I said no.
He said if I got the Plan B pill he would “reimburse” me.
reimburse
Reimburse
REIMBURSE
REEEIMMMBUUURSSSE.
I said I wasn’t worried about being pregnant and joked “we’ll see what happens in 9 months.”
He didn’t think it was funny.
I didn’t think REIMBURSE was funny. I didn’t think REIMBURSE was appropriate. I didn’t want his money. I didn’t like the way he so casually used the word REIMBURSE. How many other women had he REIMBURSED? Reimburse is not something you say to someone you slept with. Reimburse is reserved for business transactions. You get reimbursed for office supplies, mileage. You get reimbursed from petty cash when the vending machine won’t give you your Funyuns. I had been given money to purchase Plan B years prior and I vowed that would not be an experience I would repeat. (The Time I Went to the Abortion Clinic)
I was NOT a transaction.
But I was to him.
This exchange of communication was monumental in my quest. Right now, I can thank God for the word choice of that person. Obviously, it has stayed on my mind all these years. It was another reminder of why I could not keep sleeping with him or anyone. Especially as the times have changed and young men have become even more gluttonous for sex as women have become even more feral.
This is the generation of soul-less faux-intimate transactional sex.
I wondered if the new normal was to sleep with a girl unprotected, and then utilize Plan B as a plan a. Just reimburse her later. I remembered when I was younger the mantra was Do Not Get Pregnant. Do Not get a STD.
Had that changed? Had the plan changed so much in less than a decade?
It seems as though as the years pass on Responsibility has become an outdated tenet. How could that be? You would think that as we get older we get wiser.
As our culture has come to worship sex we’ve placed responsibility under personal self-indulgence.
We began to desire the benefits and none of the responsibility. Men and women equal in foolishness.
That *REIMBURSE* conversation led me to see that I had better get out of the game. The game had changed and it wasn’t for me anymore.
I never want to hear the word Reimburse from a man that I have been intimate with. God never intended for men to run amok reimbursing women for Plan Bs or abortions. He intended for men and women to make a covenant with Him at the center to care of one another. To represent Christ to one another. Anything short of that is faux-intimacy. It’s a foundation of quicksand, you lose your footing before you know it. You’ll be left feeling played and cheap. Don’t be a cheapskate. You’re worth more than $50 for Plan B or the $500 for an abortion.
Ladies, a man isn’t taking care of you by throwing money at what he or you may deem a “problem.” The problem happened before the conception. The problem is your lack of purity. You lack a firm and full understanding of who you are.
Men, what happened to you? When did you begin to sell out? Generations before you welcomed responsibility. Welcomed the opportunity to showcase your provision and protection. Being a man meant taking care of someone other than yourself.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her – Ephesians 5:25
Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. – Proverbs 31:31
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If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness
-2 Corinthians 11:30
It was around noon or 1:00pm, a sunny Saturday. My friend had thought she was leading us to a Planned Parenthood, but it turned out to be the “Abortion Clinic.” I know this because there was a giant sign facing me as I stared out of my window that read “Abortion Clinic.” I reluctantly turned left into the parking lot. We walked in the door, and into a second door. There was a glass window and on the other side was a medical receptionist. She asked how she could help us and I don’t remember what I said. She asked for our I.D.s and made copies of them. She returned and handed them to us through the open slot of the glass window. They allowed us through the door into the waiting room. I did not want to be there.
The night before, I had driven out of town to see someone. A guy I had been talking to for a month or so maybe two. I knew this person from high school, college affiliations, and mutual friends. Definitely not a Cat Fish situation besides, that tv show did not exist back then. We had made out at a party at some point before. Prior to driving there I decided that I wasn’t going to sleep with him. Fool around? Sure, but I wont go all the way. Just have fun and I’ll only stay for awhile not the whole night.
Well…
I did sleep with him. I did stay the whole night though we didn’t sleep. That’s not innuendo, we didn’t sleep because we couldn’t find the condom afterwards. Lord, take me now- its already so embarrassing. We searched our immediate area and bodies. Nothing. He began to stress… a lot. Sitting there in the awkward uh-oh early morning hours. Perhaps this was a very edgy funny commercial somewhere in the world. Nope- it was real life. My life. Each heavy minute was another confirmation that I should have left a very long time ago. I should have already been home, but now I’m here, dealing with This. I wasn’t worried about what he was worried about. I new I wasn’t going to be pregnant. I just knew. The guy on the other hand, was already 9 months ahead of himself. He had no idea of what to do or what could be done. I suggested Plan B [I didn’t know much about it] but the words brought him relief. He rambled off a bunch of questions, I said I didn’t know. We drove to an ATM and he gave me some cash. How lovely. I drove home and got on the internet to look up Planned Parenthood. They didn’t open until 11am, it was only 7:30am. My logical brain told me to check for the condom one more time. It was exactly where you would imagine. An even bigger confirmation of my poor decision. If this was ever the sign to stop making stupid decisions. I rested until it was around 11am. I texted a friend earlier and asked if she would go with me, but she was busy now. I drove to Planned Parenthood and as I got closer I could see people in the parking lot. As I got even closer, I saw they were protesters with signs. Yet another sign. I did not stop but drove straight to another friend’s apartment near by. I called her and asked if she was busy. She said “No why?” I said because “I’m parked in front of your apartment.” I went inside and explained everything. She agreed to go with me. We went back to Planned Parenthood but everyone was gone and it seemed their front doors were locked. She said she knew of one in what is technically another city but more of an extension of our city.
That’s where this story started at the top. The Abortion Clinic. I sat in the waiting room trying to not look at the other women there. Were they all getting abortions today? Getting Plan B? Regular check-ups? One woman walked out of the hallway crying and straight out of the door. The self-righteous person I was was being humbled. I cant judge anyone in this clinic because I am here with them. I was called back and received Plan B, two pills now and two pills to take 12 hours from now [If I’m not mistaken, Plan B is one pill now]. They told me that if I started to throw up to call them immediately and come back. AHH, reassuring Thanks.
I went home and stayed home that day. I didn’t want to risk throwing up in public anywhere. I text him that I got the pills. After the incident, our friendship was never the same. I didn’t want it to end, I didn’t want to feel used. But it did end and I did feel used. I felt sad briefly but did not forget to place a large chip on my shoulder and add him to the list of guys I held in disdain.
Fast forward a couple of months later, he attempted to apologize to me at a house party. I was there with a boyfriend. I rolled my eyes and was superiorly annoyed. My boyfriend stepped in to tell him that he knew I was owed an apology and “whatever happened before us is whatever.” I enjoyed that but exited my way out of the immediate area. I turned around to find them taking some shots together and sharing some weird level of camaraderie. UGH AS IF! Guys will be guys.
Fast forward some years later, he sent me a lengthy apology via Facebook. He was leading a program for young men teaching them how to be a man. He saw the irony. It truly was a legit apology. However, if you read my post Save your Sorry- you’ll see I don’t like apologies. I blew his apology off and didn’t respond for many months. When I did, all I said was “Thanks.” I can be a jerk.
Fast forward some even more years later, we ended up working in the same agency. I know right? Only God does things like that. I was so nervous just walking to the restroom or the lounge. Looking around every corner! A mutual friend relayed his fears as well. He told her, he still thought I hated him. I was shocked and disappointed. Disappointed in myself, at this point I had begun to live obediently to Christ. My heart was absolutely over those past events. I had no hate or negativity in my heart for him. It was more of a lets just laugh at all of this silliness between us type of feeling. One day he did see me in the lounge and we chatted as adults do. It was fine.
Fast forward some months after that, to a Cinco de Mayo night at nightclub. It was his favorite style of Mexican music, music I only dance at Mexican weddings when a man insists I dance with him. Its imperative I roll my eyes first letting the man know I’m only going to dance to amuse him. Of course, we addressed our history. He said “I was just a boy,” — “I was just a girl.”
That story began 10 years ago. I learned a handful of lessons.
It’s a very good thing to let people know you don’t still hate them.
If someone legitimately apologizes, say more than “Thanks.”
Women sit in abortion clinics all the time, when technically they don’t really want to.
Sometime, sacrificing their comfort to appease some one else.
I’ve always had good friends that never judged me.
I’ve helped new friends by telling them this story.
Its made them understand I’ve definitely made stupid decisions.
We all have stories. Embarrassing, pitiful, shameful. Whatever word you use to describe them. God can come in, change your heart and give you confidence to share them.
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http://wp.me/p5i4GL-ea
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The Wait is a honest depiction of celibacy in the modern age. Devon Franklin and Meagan Good give personal accounts of their journey, individually and as a couple. Whether your choice or consideration for celibacy is one of a commitment to God or not, The Wait offers so much confirmation and assistance to one practicing the lifestyle. Devon and Meagan began their journey of celibacy separately and at different times. Each walking through life seeking God’s will. They did not know at first that they were for each other, but began a friendship that did turn into a marriage. I am approaching close to 3 years of celibacy and waiting in God’s time, knowing He is writing a beautiful love story- better than I could ever imagine.
Right away, the question of Why gets answered for us.
“But why? Why did we consciously delay gratification – not just sexual but emotional and spiritual- that would have come with diving headfirst into a passionate relationship? The answer is simple: we wanted God’s very best for our lives, collectively and individually, and we wanted it in whatever way he intended. This required patience (pg.xvii).”
“Because we waited, we exchanged immediate gratification for what we really wanted and who we really wanted to be. Because we waited, God was able to reveal things that we would have missed if we had been blinded by the white-hot light of lust, desperate to fulfill our own desires. Because we waited, we were eventually ready (pg.xviii).”
The authors clarify that the Wait is (sort of) about sex. Sex is always around us through tv, movies, music, blogs, magazines, talk shows, billboards. Lets to be real- sex is in our own minds and memories. When you decided not to have it [sex], not to entertain it, even fight against thoughts of it, now that is what stirs up curiosity and controversy. Singer, Ciara Harris and now fiance Seattle Seahawks QB, Russell Wilson stirred up media with their commitment to doing it Jesus’ way. Congrats By The Way!!!!
God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin.
1 Thessalonians 4:3
Waiting is not passive. I’m not waiting for a prince to rescue me from some high tower of a castle. The authors, tells us while we wait we should be working on ourselves, “…letting love and purpose manifest in your life as result of you working on becoming the best version of yourself (pg.11).”It’s about focusing on becoming our best, the best God intended for us to be. Trusting God that He is working on your behalf at all times. This allows us to fill free from believing that we’ve got to make things happen NOW, “God has His hand on your life during this time, rearranging the scenery in order to set you up for good things to come (pg. 13).”
Waiting is not about ridding yourself of sexual urges. They will always be there because of our human nature. However, “your sexual urges lose their power over you. You gain power over them (pg. 16).” You have to want Plan A over all other things. Plan A is the very best God has in store for you, though based on our decisions we may miss out on Plan A.
Chapter Two: Getting What You Really Want (Hint: It Isn’t Sex), reminded me of The Purge – my own struggle of discovering what I really wanted. The Wait is about removing yourself from that toxic cycle, running towards the things and people that continue to break you each time. Are you suffering from post-traumatic relationship disorder?
It’s about personal growth. Growing up. Improving yourself. Praying that God not only send you a spouse, but He work on you. Pray that God teach you how to be that spouse. Relationships, situationships all distracts us. Most of us. Most of us don’t do it God’s way (at first). We’ve gotten the person of our affection in our grasp and just stopped focusing on our priorities. In the past, its always been difficult to take care of priorities when there’s some guy I’m pining for.
“Waiting reduces drama, conflict, and expense….Then there’s the post-sex conflict, expectations, and crises (pg. 64)… who wouldn’t love to say good-bye to the walks of shame, morning-after scenes, waiting on the call that doesn’t come, and feelings of being used?…. Waiting gives your better knowledge of your partner. When you’re not blinded by lust or the counterfeit intimacy that can come with premarital sex, you can see the person you’re dating for who they are (pg. 65).”
Temptation…something that I really loved was, “Sometimes wisdom means knowing when you’re not strong, ****so that you don’t have to be strong**** (pg.88).” WoW! I had never thought of temptation in this way!
Funny (but pathetic) story I recently recalled to a friend. I remembered years ago, I was on my way to see a guy [the one from The Purge]. It was a summer night around 10pm or 11pm or ??? While driving there, I was telling myself I wasn’t going to hookup with him. I wasn’t going to stay long. I prayed to God, done let me hook up with him- don’t let me have sex with him. The outcome? I was in his bed sooner than I realized. Easily melted into our sin and I never resisted. What a dummy. What a fool. I went knowing I wasn’t strong that’s why I included God at the last minute. Grabbing God at the last second isn’t enough. I was being unwise.
Knowing your triggers is extremely important. Page 99 gives us some good examples: Late nights, emotional trauma, intimate contact, alcohol, sexting/snapchat, travel. There can be more and we all have our own combination of triggers. Just like any behavior that you’re trying to keep in check, over-eating, gambling, shopping, drugs etc. We all have triggers that if not examined can lead us to acting out our weaknesses. This is about being smart, not putting yourself up against temptation- believing that you can outwit your own flesh.
Chapters Five and Six divulge deeper into why women and men don’t wait. In short, women tend to have a fear of being alone, “Scratch the surface of a lot of unmarried young women and you’ll find a layer of fear just below the surface. Fear of being alone. Fear of not having children. Fear of being judged and found wanting. Fear of being less of a woman. Fear of being inadequate, insufficient, not good enough. Fear of not being all you were called to be by the time you think it should happen (pg.110).” I wont go further because I think this is an easy concept.
Why men don’t wait is something entirely different and worthy of deep exploration. Men tend to prescribe to “The List… unspoken inventory of must-haves that plays on a 24-7 loop (pg. 141).” The List is as follows: Wealth, Power, Position, A hot car, Great clothes, A huge crib, Big toys, A beautiful, sexy woman on your arm.
The List is a placebo.
“The man who recklessly gives himself over to his sex drive denies and distances himself from his divine nature. He courts chaos, drama, legal troubles, illegitimate children- everything this side of the plagues Moses warned Pharaoh about in Exodus. Worst of all, he becomes manipulative and callous, willing to do or say anything to get a woman into bed. He becomes addicted not just to the physical feeling of sex but also to the psychology of how sex makes him feel- and the game he must play to produce this feeling (pg. 147).”
God was telling me, “Don’t play with my daughters’ hearts.” – Devon Franklin
Are you ready to change? Are you ready to pause and heal your wounds? Are you ready to relinquish your sad imitation of power to the One that made you? It’s not easy. It took me one day a time to stop making the same mistakes. It took me opening up to a trusted group of young women in a small group and them praying audacious prayers over me. It took me getting on my knees crying out to the One that made me, and humbling myself to repent of insecurity. The reasons we do what we do all differ, but sin is at the core. Sin wheres a mask of insecurity and pride, even power and selfishness. Jesus took these sins to the cross. Stop taking them down and putting them again.
For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
Matthew 11:30
Related Reading:
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/i-gave-sex-three-years-ago-heres-what-happened
My life is not a telenovela and yours shouldn’t be either. I got tired of telling my friends stories of this guy and that guy. I also got tired of hearing their stories about this guy and that guy.
Did I tell you about X?
Did I tell you what happened?
Did I tell you what he text me?
Did I tell you what he did?
Did I tell you what he said?
Re-hashing whatever happened two weeks ago, bringing me up to date on what happened last week, and telling me what happened this week.
So he text me this.
I texted back that.
Then he said this.
So I said that.
Showing my friend text after text or just handing over my phone to let them read the entire thread themselves. Watching their face in anticipation.
Over analyzing every text, word, move from the flavor of the month guy.
So he text me at 8:52pm. So I saw it but didn’t reply until 9: 26pm. Then he said that. So I texted back and said that.
Over and over the same story lines, the same play by play rhetoric.
Still single.
After reading Don’t Let Your Journal Turn Into a Soap Opera Drama from Girl Defined, I decided to look through old journals and find good examples of my stories. Though I have numerous journals through the past 10 years, 2008 was filled with drama and endless details of it. In 2008, I was 22 years old and had quit my job at a restaurant. I had been on a “break” from school and just spent my time going to parties and bars. Hopefully some of that explains a percentage of the drama. Remember my post, 21 Before 21? Yeah, I didn’t know any of those things yet! The following entries centered around three fellas over a two month time frame. I blacked out names of all involved to protect their identities.
I had one thing right, “I’m crazy.” Shake your head because I’m shaking mine too. I actually blew up someone’s one phone at 3 am. I don’t remember that. I was “so mad cuz he didn’t try 2 come over” ???
I read these pages and more- shocked. I cannot believe I used to be that girl. I remember a lot of stories but apparently I don’t have enough storage space in my brain for al the other stories. I must be remembering the main headlines, the highlights, the bloopers. Pages and pages of who’s and when’s, the tiniest details of anything that happened. He didn’t call back. He didn’t respond to my text. He didn’t go to the party or that bar. Sad to say these stories did die down but just continued at a slower rate up until 2-3 years ago. Maybe you’ll think its lame but I can’t remember the last time I had a story to tell.
These years have been the most peaceful years. I’m not worried or stressed about some guy, what hes doing or not doing. I’ve got no time to become a detective or private investigator. Investigating, scouring the internet to “figure” him out. I can no longer analyze a picture posted on social media and decipher text messages. I can no longer decode a guy’s behavior to “figure out” how he feels about me. We’re definitely not called to be play special investigator even though we make great ones!
God wants our eyes on him. If we are playing detective on some guy, then our eyes are not on God. If you consider yourself a Christian girl or woman, you should not be obsessed [and don’t use your own judgement to discern if you are obsessed or not]. You’re just going to rationalize every move you make. Talk to a mature friend and ask her if you’re a bit obsessed, even just a little. God deserves our full attention and a full-time relationship. I don’t judge you, I struggle with this myself. But we have to stretch our understanding of relationship and love. It’s not just a Nicholas Sparks novel. Whether its God or a guy.
Here is 20 Important Bible Scriptures About Priorities-http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/20-important-bible-scriptures-about-priorities/
When it comes to relationships and love I have a new set of standards and guidelines, Proverbs 18:22 is verse that I firmly hold onto.
He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.
He who finds a wife…. I don’t need to be out searching my city for a man. I definitely need to be prepared to be found!
not She who figures out a man will get to marry him,
not She who finds a husband.
He who finds a wife… I need to be asking God to prepare me to be wife.
not he who finds some chick,
not he who finds some girl that figured him out, that solved his inner mysteries.
Instead of filling our journals with endless and mindless details of who’s and when’s, let us allow God inside those pages. God is thee author of all things. He created us and knows who and what we need in our lives. He is not the author of confusion! If we have to spend hours deciphering the hieroglyphics of texts messages, online messages and overall messages that are being communicated by a guy- most likely God is not involved in that situation. When you leave God out of your relationships, you also leave out his protection and provisions. When you act as if you can figure it all out with God and continue towards unstable relationships, you will not have the appropriate foundation that will be a long-lasting, fulfilling relationship. Sure you may have a relationship, but it won’t be from God’s design or have his co-sign and it will not be blessed. You’re out on your own, leaning on your own understanding. We are told to lean NOT on our own understanding in Proverbs 3:5.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
Trust in the Lord…
definition: one having power and authority over others. Welcome His authority over your life and know that you won’t have to strain and strive so hard for the right guy.
Related Reading:: http://www.girldefined.com/journal-turn-soap-opera-drama
Related Music: Write Your Story by Francesca Battistelli – https://youtu.be/ecV1NHmELuA
P.S. Don’t be this girl!
Do not envy the violent
or choose any of their ways.
For the Lord detests the perverse
but takes the upright into his confidence. Proverbs 3:31-32
A war cry was sounded in July 2015 when the Center for Medical Progress unleashed 10 videos. The Planned Parenthood videos. In these videos we heard PP execs negotiate money for scalps. Oops! I’m thinking of The Revenant. I’m mean for baby body parts. I watched in disgust as I women cackled like hit-men; others watched in denial. It turned into controversy. You mean PP wasn’t truly helping sad-poor-women, but building larger budgets for their Lambos? Yelawolf thought he was driving daddy’s Lambo not your maternal ovum donor’s.
I considered posting a blog on the topic last year as the videos continued to surface. I wasn’t sure of what to say. The videos said it all. The Pro Life pages I follow said it all. What would I say that wasn’t being said?
So here you and I are…lets begin.
My parents weren’t married when my mom became pregnant. They were living at home with their parents. Working entry level jobs. They were in love. They weren’t ready to be parents. They even broke up for a short time. For the first few months of my life, I lived in two homes, the homes of my grandparents. The three of us moved into an apartment [a crappy one] and they were married 5 months after I was born. My parents never hid any of the this from me. I grew up knowing I wasn’t planned. Because my parents weren’t prepared for parenthood nor for marriage, lots of mistakes were made. I was witness to two selfish people push and pull on each other- not in a #relationshipgoals kind of way. It was ugly and I questioned why my mom even had me. As a child, I remember imagining this was my temporary family, “My real family isn’t ready for me yet so I have to be here until God gets them ready.” There were good times but I grew up uncertain of many things. It took years and by years I mean 20+ of them to heal. Families are not perfect. Parents are not perfect. Life, love, and sex are messy. It takes years to clean up the aftermath.
You may say that’s exactly what I’m saving my baby from. A bad life. But all I hear you saying is that you don’t want to grow up. You don’t want to change. You don’t want anything interrupting your life. Your life is for you and you only. You’re wrong.
Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. 1Corinthians 6:19-20
A person may think their own ways are right, but the Lord weighs the heart. Proverbs 21:2
When my mom’s sister found out that she was pregnant, my aunt said, “Why don’t you just get rid of it?”
I have never had the privilege of being pregnant. There have been plenty of opportunities. Thinking back to my first boyfriend- I lost my virginity when I was 17. We were in love. With our Romeo and Juliet Complex, we decided to get pregnant. He was moving away and in our teenage brains we thought if only I were to get pregnant, then he’d have to stay! So I stopped taking my birth control pills for all of 6 or 7 days as we “tried” to get me knocked up. I knew it wasn’t the smartest decision as he was a high school drop out with no job and I was just a senior in high school. I didn’t see it as working in the long run- but I didn’t care to think it through.
Fast forward to some more guys later. Boyfriends or non-boyfriends. I took many pregnancy tests but all of them- always negative. Phew! Whether I wanted to be or Not.
There have been so many times I was glad to never have had a child with someone from my past. By the Grace and Mercy of God he spared me.
I’ve envisioned telling my family and friends “I’m pregnant” to be bombarded with: But who’s the father? I didn’t know you had a boyfriend? But you don’t have a boyfriend? I didn’t know you were seeing someone? Is it ____’s? Who? What? When? Posting a sonogram photo to my timeline, maybe I’d get lots of Likes. Hopefully everyone would keep those questions to themselves. I may not have ever had the courage to answer them. Every answer from my mouth would feel like an earthquake to my heart.
Telling the guy I want to be with and accepting that he doesn’t want to be with me still. Entertaining the idea that I’m trying to trap him. Knowing this will most likely create more distance between us rather than draw him toward me. Or worse, telling me to take care of it. Would he turn out to be that cold and heartless? A guy moving on with someone else and I would just be the girl he had a baby with. No one special.
Being another single mom. A baby momma. Dealing with a baby dad. Dealing with a guy that says: I don’t know what you’re talking about. That’s not mine. That’s your problem. I had never fantasized about being pregnant solo, who does? Setting up a crib in my one bed-room apartment. Coordinating with the “dad” [if he was involved] drop off and pick up times. Meeting him at the door or car. Pretending like there wasn’t anything else to discuss. Dealing with unmet expectations and disappointment on the regular. Reminding myself that I also had a hand in this mess too. I should’ve known better. I do know better. I should have used protection. I should have never slept with him.
Aside from all of that, I’ve always known if I ever become pregnant, I would become a Mother. There has never been another option in my sight. I may not have wanted to have a child with that guy or this guy- but I always knew it didn’t matter. I’d be a Mom and a great one. I could never imagine getting rid of my baby all because the situation with the guy fell through. The results of a pregnancy test always put my relationships in perspective. I’ve never thought there to be a right time or wrong time to get pregnant. All the money and education cannot fully prepare you to be a mom [or dad]. We must eradicate this lie. No one has the $300,000 [“that it costs to raise a child”] just sitting in their bank account. You’re heart prepares you. As a woman, your body was made for this. Trust me, its biology and theology. Divinely created to enrapture a baby.
Learn to do right; seek justice.
Defend the oppressed.
Take up the cause of the fatherless;
plead the case of the widow. Isaiah 1:17
I feel it in my heart. I feel it in my bones. I long for the opportunity. The privilege.
I am Pro Life.
Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness. Romans 6:13
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=922582726158&id=149700362
As the year comes to a close in just a few days, I thought I’d share 21 things I wish I knew before I was 21. What would I tell my younger self?
1. Cockiness is not Confidence. Humble yourself.
2. Don’t spend money you don’t have (credit cards, buying things before paying bills).
3. Guys will use you,
4. If you let them.
5. The bad boy is not who you want to marry and have kids with.
6. You will need your friends.
7. Trust God, not the world.
8. You don’t have to try so hard [titles, status, guys].
9. Don’t give away your power. The worst times in your life are a direct result of giving away your power.
10. Feminism is a lie. An imitation. True female empowerment comes from Heavenly places.
11. Living solo is great.
12. There is a plan. God’s plan. You’ll take many detours, but God will always redirect you.
13. Stop hiding your feelings
14. and Stop trying to play it cool.
15. You can depend on others, it doesn’t mean that you’re incompetent. Ask for help.
16. You’re ENOUGH.
17. You do want to get married, stop lying.
18. People like you for you. Stop thinking you’re weird.
19. Don’t let anyone come between your peace and joy.
20. God is not afraid to hurt your feelings.
21. When it doubt call Mom or Dad.
In case you forgot what 2005&2006 felt and sounded like, here’s are some of my jams from back in the day! Proceed at your own risk LOL!
*Bonus* All you need to know about the old me can be experienced in these two albums!
I could have saved this girl a lot of trouble… 5/15/06
I’d love to hear from you! What would you tell your younger self?
Confessions of a Recovering Feminist 