Some time ago, I felt myself experiencing a Great Unraveling. I felt like ribbon coming undone, chaotic, exposed, torn apart, too revealed.
I pictured an old factory. I come in one day to see a massive mess. Parts and pieces in disarray. Smoke billowing. A putrid smell. Shattered glass, broken products, and sounds of malfunction. Something went wrong. But what? I go to each machine and examine the mechanisms and equipment. After a while, I found a missing screw. The one screw responsible for holding so much together. That screw had been rusted over, loosened over time it became unable to hold itself in place. Without that one screw, one by one, little by little, a chain of events was initiated. Had I taken the time to make repairs a long the way, perform inspections and updates, I would have caught the problem before it all fell apart.
I stood in the middle, a labyrinth of malady. I built that factory from the ground up. Put together every machine myself. It worked that way for a long time. It did its job. Until now.
Now I must rebuild. The times are different. Some mechanisms and equipment are obsolete. They won’t work in 2023 at 37 years old.
And that’s where I am today. Machines like self-protection and self-reliance don’t produce the results that are needed for this day. I’m not the best at building factories, obviously. There is a better builder.
Therefore, holy brothers and sisters, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, whom we acknowledge as our apostle and high priest. 2 He was faithful to the one who appointed him, just as Moses was faithful in all God’s house. 3 Jesus has been found worthy of greater honor than Moses, just as the builder of a house has greater honor than the house itself. 4 For every house is built by someone, but God is the builder of everything. 5 “Moses was faithful as a servant in all God’s house,”[a] bearing witness to what would be spoken by God in the future. 6 But Christ is faithful as the Son over God’s house. And we are his house, if indeed we hold firmly to our confidence and the hope in which we glory. – Hebrews 3:1-6
Melancholy and defeat permeate his songs. They find places in me that still need Jesus. Its the empty, depressive pining for the things that feel like cuts on your skin and make you question why you’ll never be clean.
Maybe it was my triggers being triggered, past, present, future. Insecurity, rejection, hypocrisy, abandonment, terror.
I stumbled on the After Hours album when I was at the bottom of a low place. I experienced what I would label as spiritual abuse. People acting in the name Christ that were manipulative and nothing resembling actual Christ-likeness. It was a shock to my system. I look back and summarize my experience as full of anxiety(fear), depression, confusion and having a broken heart and spirit. I had been praying in desperation to be protected and removed from the situation. I felt like Elijah running from Jezebel.
“Elijah was afraid and fled for his life. He went to Beersheba, a town in Judah, and he left his servant there. Then he went on alone into the wilderness, traveling all day. He sat down under a solitary broom tree and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life, for I am no better than my ancestors who have already died.” 1 Kings 19:3-4
I felt so low and had wished I had been able to be stronger. I remembered Elijah running from Jezebel and David running from King Saul. That was the only solace and grace that I could muster.
“And I feel everything I feel everything from my body to my soul No, no Well, I feel everything When I’m coming down is the most I feel alone No, no I’ve been sober for a year, now it’s time for me To go back to my old ways, don’t you cry for me Thought I’d be a better man, but I lied to me and to you”
Maybe it was suppressed anger. Anger that disguises itself as lust. Anger that whispered to me to be Heartless.
“Cause I’m heartless And I’m back to my ways ’cause I’m heartless All this money and this pain got me heartless Low life for life ’cause I’m heartless”
Maybe it was a dream turned mirage.
“Cali was the mission, but now a n**** leaving Leaving, leaving into the night”
The lyrics felt good. I felt justified. All my unmet needs gave way. I decided to give in. Its my turn now. I’ll go get lost and come back later. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em, right?
It’s not Abel’s fault. He’s just a man that writes songs and sings them in a beautiful falsetto. Music isn’t to blame.
The Adversary knew what I was feeling because he knew what I was listening to. He does not have access to read my mind but does have access to my spoken words and behaviors. He knows my patterns, my history and what baits to tempt me with.
In his book, “Unwanted- How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing,” Jay Stringer writes, “Anger aims at our longing for justice and restoration. Sin enters when lust is hijacked by covetousness or demand and anger is hijacked by entitlement, contempt or dogmatic control.”
Stringer continues, “Lust and anger are the primary tributaries that flow into the river of unwanted sexual behavior. I have never met someone who struggles deeply with lust who is not also battling with unaddressed anger.”
I’m only beginning to examine these “partners in crime” as Jay Stringer calls them.
Maybe it was my unaddressed anger that lulled me into an old depravity to self punish. Stringer explains, “I have come to understand that people make bad decisions not because of the potential for pleasure but to add additional evidence to their self judgment.” Also, “they are bound to the judgment of self-contempt.”
A place where I had to hide my royal robes under beggar’s rags. I don’t belong here.
“When she runs after her lovers, she won’t be able to catch them. She will search for them but not find them. Then she will think, ‘I might as well return to my husband, for I was better off with him than I am now.’ 8 She doesn’t realize it was I who gave her everything she has— the grain, the new wine, the olive oil; I even gave her silver and gold. But she gave all my gifts to Baal.” Hosea 2:7-8
One hand on the cross and the other feeling the fever of hell. Knowing the Truth but seeing with perverted vision. Bartering with God but not holding up my end of the deal. I don’t belong here.
The physical body at war with the mind, the mind at war with the mind. The body fighting the disease (dis-ease) of sin. I now believe the Spirit will activate the physiology of the body to fight sin in the physical realm to get our attention. I’ve learned the body will reject the sin even if you consciously dont. Whats already been consecrated to the Lord is rightfully his; evil rulers of the unseen world, principalities of darkness cannot keep you.
Thank the One that wins us back!
“But then I will win her back once again. I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her there. I will return her vineyards to her and transform the Valley of Trouble[b] into a gateway of hope. She will give herself to me there, as she did long ago when she was young, when I freed her from her captivity in Egypt.” Hosea 2:14-15
Could He really want me back?
“I will make you my wife forever, showing you righteousness and justice, unfailing love and compassion. I will be faithful to you and make you mine, and you will finally know me as the Lord” Hosea 2:19-20
I can’t count how many times God saved me from myself. Saved me from my own hands. He saved me only because he interfered. He ran interference on my play. All I can do is ask God to keep interfering. There’s nothing for me outside of His will.
“Once you were dead because of your disobedience and your many sins. You used to live in sin, just like the rest of the world, obeying the devil—the commander of the powers in the unseen world. He is the spirit at work in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God. All of us used to live that way, following the passionate desires and inclinations of our sinful nature. By our very nature we were subject to God’s anger, just like everyone else. But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!) For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus. So God can point to us in all future ages as examples of the incredible wealth of his grace and kindness toward us, as shown in all he has done for us who are united with Christ Jesus. God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” Ephesians 2:1-10
Recently I wondered what it would be like if my life was written about in the Bible. When I read the Bible about people like Moses, Rahab, Job and others I am sure they would be shocked to know that we still read and study the stories of their lives. They must have felt like ordinary people. My idea does not come from a place of exalting myself but just as every book of the Bible brings glory to God, that is my hope with my story. My aim was to write myself like an Old Testament story. Many details are left out, thats on purpose. What we have in the Bible is exactly what we need and not a word more or less. The beginning, middle and end are there to tell the story of the Gospel. I still wonder, what would God say about me?
The Book of LIANA
In the last year of the Xennial generation a girl was born. The mother called her LIANA, meaning My God Has Answered. She dedicated her daughter to the Lord. As a child, Liana was taught the story of Moses being sent down the Nile River. Also, the story of Nebuchadnezzar eating grass like the ox. Liana prayed earnestly until she was a young woman but her faith remained small.
Love was awakened before its proper time. Liana, in those days, sinned much, taking up wild living, haughtiness, sexual immorality, drunkenness, taking men to bed. She saw the fruit of displeasing God as pleasing to the eye. Liana endured much heartbreak and confusion chasing after the world.
When she was the age of 26, she lived with a man that was not her husband in a town 170 miles away from her birthplace. God allowed this for one year then The Lord became fed up with sharing Liana with the world. God caused division between Liana and the man. Liana knew this was God and she chose what was righteous in The Lord. Liana left the man and followed God.
She moved to her hometown and met at the church weekly with other believers. She read the Word and was obedient, her mind was renewed.
God called like Isaiah, Liana to,
“proclaim good news to the poor, bind up the brokenhearted, proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darknessfor the prisoners.”
She continued to serve her Lord by serving the least of them.
Liana was not without fear, self-doubt or insecurity but she allowed herself to always be broken before The Lord. The Lord always saw her and tended to her heart.
If you were born in the 20th century then you grew up in feminism. Most people recall the Second Wave of the Women’s Movement or Second Wave Feminism in the 1960s and 1970s. Media made Gloria Steinem and Betty Friedan popular. That era was marked by much upheaval including to Civil Rights, the draft for Vietnam. The No Fault Divorce Law, Roe V. Wade. I know I’m missing a lot more. I enjoy history but I’m not a historian.
Hulu has a short series called Mrs. America following the lives of influencers of the 1970s. Centered on the political activity of Phyllis Schlafly, a leader of conservative women and conservative values. While watching the first few episodes I remembered reading a brief article on her in the last year. I realized while I took Women’s Studies classes during college [more than 10 years ago] I never learned about Phyllis Schlafly. Steinem and Friedan’s names were saturated in the material. Women’s Studies was built on *their movement, not the Women’s Movement as a whole. I will continue to watch Mrs. America but I wonder how she will continue to be portrayed. I strongly encourage you to read, “Subverted: How the Sexual Revolution Hijacked Feminism” by Sue Ellen Browder. I’m sure the tv series will leave out key pieces of meetings with the names mentioned above and other influences.
You might be wondering why I claim that we have all grown up in feminism because the media and many nagging women declare we are owed more “rights.” I challenge the idea that we don’t have any rights or that they are under threat of being taken away. This is the argument of the most privilege class of women known to man [I mean people-hood] [no, no I don’t]. When we cross over into demanding the right to bring about destruction and harm to one another then we cross over into madness. To rationalize yourself into illogical oblivion should scare someone. Matthew 15:19 tells us, “For out of the heart [also soul or mind] come evil thoughts–murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.”
The other night I was thinking (a practice many could benefit from). I was thinking of where racism and sexism started and why some many people choose to remain divided and hostile towards one another. When you look throughout history, people hurt people. Yes, many men abused their role and authority, they used it to bring harm to women. They disobeyed God and did not love their wives as Christ loved the church –Ephesians 5:25. Many men went in the name of God and religion to usher in their own power without instructions from God to do so. Many wars fought, won and lost. Many people groups maimed by the horrors of war, literal war and wars on ideology. Read Genesis 5:2 and you will learn – He created them male and female and blessed them. And he named them “Mankind” when they were created. We were created equal in the eyes of God as male and female were both called mankind, which means human being. When we disobeyed God sin entered in to the human being and would then be a natural human experience. What is sin? It can be defined as missing the mark. There was a goal there in the Garden of Eden and we dropped the ball, we didn’t score a point. We actually ran the ball and scored for the opposing team. Both the man and the woman were guilty of this. Man and Woman brought about harm to themselves and generations to come.
As time progresses from the Garden, the man and woman became fruitful and so on. In Genesis 5 we get a rundown of genealogy from Adam to Noah. By the time Noah was on the scene in Genesis 6, the Bible tells us that: The Lord saw how great the wickedness of the human race had become on the earth, and that every inclination of the thoughts of the human heart was only evil all the time. 6 The Lord regretted that he had made human beings on the earth, andhis heart was deeply troubled. 7 So the Lord said, “I will wipe from the face of the earth the human race I have created—and with them the animals, the birds and the creatures that move along the ground—for Iregret that I have made them.” 8 But Noah found favor in the eyes of the Lord.
Here we see in the days of Noah, people went back into choosing sin and wickedness causing God to be deeply troubled.
To make a long story short, Noah made an ark at the command of God. God sent flood waters from above and below flooding the plane of the earth. Noah and his family settled in after the flood and just as one could expect his descendants continued into a path of sin against God. God watched as they decided to build a monumental tower to Heaven thinking they would no longer need God. God decided enough was enough and changed their languages from one to many. They were confused and could not collectively finish their project and God scattered them from the city. Before that, the Bible tells us that everyone spoke one language. With one swift move, God created diversity where there had been none.
As the people scattered with their differing languages and settled in different lands, their new language led to new a culture. One can argue language is culture and without it, a culture dies. Although it seems that God was reactive in scattering these people it would have been under his sovereignty.
As you move from Genesis throughout the New Testament and the Old Testament you will find a common theme. God’s people (Israelites-Hebrews-Jews) disobey God, God rescues them from themselves and their enemies, they praise and worship God- then the cycle starts again and again. The New Testament tells the story of Jesus, God’s only son whom he sent to earth to testify to the Truth and sacrifice himself for the world’s sins offering salvation. The theme of disobedience continues to run into the introduction of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Although we are granted salvation Sole Fide “by faith alone,” Jesus’ teachings call us to a much higher standard than just following the law of the Old Testament. We are die to ourselves, lose our life, take up our cross and follow him fully.
Matthew 16:2- For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.
Matthew 16:24- Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.
Romans 8:13 – For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.
Because of Jesus’ teaching and the generosity of God, we lowly human beings have the opportunity to receive the free gift of salvation when we believe the Jesus was Divine and Human; our Lord and Savior; my human nature is wicked and there is no good in me, except Jesus.
Romans 7:18- For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.
Now I ask you, Modern Christian Woman…do you believe this Gospel of Jesus Christ? Do you believe there is no good in you and you must have Jesus to just have taste of what Goodness really is?
In the Old Testament, God assigned prophets and sent them to his people to declare they must repent or face the consequences. These were harsh words for sure. In the New Testament, God sends us all to preach the Gospel and make disciples. The underlining consequences are still there. Hell is at stake.
Acts 1:8- But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.
John 14:6- Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
I ask you Modern Christian Woman to repent of your feminism and the feminism of the generations before you.
As you can see since the beginning of time, humans have been sinning against one another. Men have harmed women. Tribe has pillaged tribe. Kingdoms brutalized kingdoms. Parents have hurt their children. The human experience will never be a stranger to sin, crime, or evil. Not one of us is innocent. With unjust kingdoms and governments comes revolts. Revolutions. Some were righteous and some are indefensible as they are founded upon even more false idols and godless ideologies. That is feminism.
Mark 10:18- Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good–except God alone.
If you are a Christ follower we are to seek God’s will. What feminism did was seek its own will. Because of the disobedience of men that did not love their wives as Christ loved the church, this created pain and resentment in women generation after generation. Instead of crying out to God women began to covet the role of the man. Feminism was birthed from godless women and the envy of men is their DNA. The Bible tells us not to covet in the Old Testament and the New Testament.
Romans 13:9- The commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not covet,” and whatever other command there may be, are summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
Any woman pursuing righteousness should do her part and intercede and repent of the godless worldview of feminism.
How might history be different had dissatisfied and hurting women sought God’s will?
What if generations of women prayed something along the lines of Psalm 119?
Psalm 119:25-32- My soul cleaves to the dust; revive me according to Your word. I recounted my ways, and You answered me; teach me Your statutes. Make clear to me the way of Yourprecepts; then I will meditate on Your wonders. My soul melts with sorrow; strengthen me according to Your word. Remove me from the path of deceit and graciously grant me Your law. I have chosen the way of truth; I have set Your ordinances before me. I cling to Your testimonies, O LORD; let me not be put to shame. I run in the path of Your commandments, for You will enlarge my heart.
I’m sure there were godly women that prayed powerful righteous prayers for their generation, but those did not get the media attention that feminism did. Think critically about the messages and worldviews you subscribe to. Feminism floods our culture with ungodliness and we must remain set apart.
What if the women before us actually pressed in to God and cried out,
“God what would you have me do? God, men have abused their position to be a slave to their own desires and the order and role of the family are a stake! You are the God of justice, how can I help? I desire your original design for the man and woman, I do not covet the man nor desire toreplace him. Above all things, I desire to respect him and his assignment from you. I desire the pure love of his heart as Jesus loves us all. May I be like Esther- for such a time as this! May I be just a humble servant of the Lord God!”
I implore you to pray this prayer in 2020! Repent of feminism today!
Recommended Video:
The Nazarite Vow- Lou Engle
Recommended Reading:
“Female Chauvinist Pigs” by Ariel Levy
“Subverted: How the Sexual Revolution Hijacked Feminism” by Sue Ellen Browder
“God take these chains off of me, take the chains off of my heart off my body off my brain. Take these chains Take these chains off of me. God take these chains. These chains of consequences.
he raped my heart now I’m dealing with the consequences of low self-esteem no confidence. I gave him full reign on my body & mind. It’s all over now, it’s gotta be over. Cuz there’s no other way.” July 7, 2010
I wrote that in a journal I found in a box in my closet, literally and figuratively. A box inside my closeted soul. I wrote in the Purge how there was a time in my life where I teetered the line of crazy. That post was centered on a particular individual and the merry-go-round I rode with him.
This post however, I want to focus on myself.
I sat on the floor in my room reading these excruciating types of entries, recalling the events or being shocked at events I never remembered. Texting him in the middle of the night “delete my number and forget about me” and “tell me to stop talking to you.” Most going unanswered, unacknowledged driving me even madder. Never in a million years would I have ever admitted to being that crazy girl. In fact, I had like most people remembered the past as I chose to. Glossing over my own poor behavior and over emphasizing the poor behavior in the other person. After a text was ignored I wrote how I cried “all night” or “until I feel asleep.” This scenario saturated my journal.
I began to cry myself. Six years later, I am 31 years old and so far removed from the person I once was. My heart broke for the young me. Someone so lost. Lost in someone else. Lost in reality. I cried and apologized to God for not knowing Him then. I know YOU now though. You came for me, you never stopped coming for me. I felt shaken to my core.
I never truly saw the cage I was in until the other night reading page of page of utter nonsense. Pages of illogical and immature behavior. I was caged up in insecurity and rejection. An embalmed cycle.
I told God later, I forgive him [the guy] even though I already have. Just in case there is something still there and I don’t know it. I release him. I forgive myself.
As I continued to process my thoughts and raw emotions, I believe God told me that it was not him [the guy] – it was not flesh and blood but principalities at work.
“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” Ephesians 6:12
Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only LIGHT drives out darkness. I was in some of the darkest rooms stumbling around, trying to find my way, getting bumped and bruised. The enemy liked me in the dark. Falling down and grasping, hurting myself. My sense of self hanging on the whims of another person [the idea of the other person]. Clouds and storms of dysfunction in between us. Looking back, I now believe there was only a small fraction of our real selves that were present with one another. We came to the surface sporadically only to retreat in fear moments later. What a sad way to live your life.
The old me died a while ago, specifically on May 31, 2015 when I was baptized. I am a NEW creature and NEW thing in Christ.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” 2 Corinthians 5:17
“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:19
“We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.” Romans 6:4
“For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin—“ Romans 6:6
“Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness. For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace.” Romans 6:12-14
The Wait is a honest depiction of celibacy in the modern age. Devon Franklin and Meagan Good give personal accounts of their journey, individually and as a couple. Whether your choice or consideration for celibacy is one of a commitment to God or not, The Wait offers so much confirmation and assistance to one practicing the lifestyle. Devon and Meagan began their journey of celibacy separately and at different times. Each walking through life seeking God’s will. They did not know at first that they were for each other, but began a friendship that did turn into a marriage. I am approaching close to 3 years of celibacy and waiting in God’s time, knowing He is writing a beautiful love story- better than I could ever imagine.
Right away, the question of Why gets answered for us.
“But why? Why did we consciously delay gratification – not just sexual but emotional and spiritual- that would have come with diving headfirst into a passionate relationship? The answer is simple: we wanted God’s very best for our lives, collectively and individually, and we wanted it in whatever way he intended. This required patience (pg.xvii).”
“Because we waited, we exchanged immediate gratification for what we really wanted and who we really wanted to be. Because we waited, God was able to reveal things that we would have missed if we had been blinded by the white-hot light of lust, desperate to fulfill our own desires. Because we waited, we were eventually ready (pg.xviii).”
The authors clarify that the Wait is (sort of) about sex. Sex is always around us through tv, movies, music, blogs, magazines, talk shows, billboards. Lets to be real- sex is in our own minds and memories. When you decided not to have it [sex], not to entertain it, even fight against thoughts of it, now that is what stirs up curiosity and controversy. Singer, Ciara Harris and now fiance Seattle Seahawks QB, Russell Wilson stirred up media with their commitment to doing it Jesus’ way. Congrats By The Way!!!!
God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin.
1 Thessalonians 4:3
Waiting is not passive. I’m not waiting for a prince to rescue me from some high tower of a castle. The authors, tells us while we wait we should be working on ourselves, “…letting love and purpose manifest in your life as result of you working on becoming the best version of yourself (pg.11).”It’s about focusing on becoming our best, the best God intended for us to be. Trusting God that He is working on your behalf at all times. This allows us to fill free from believing that we’ve got to make things happen NOW, “God has His hand on your life during this time, rearranging the scenery in order to set you up for good things to come (pg. 13).”
Waiting is not about ridding yourself of sexual urges. They will always be there because of our human nature. However, “your sexual urges lose their power over you. You gain power over them (pg. 16).” You have to want Plan A over all other things. Plan A is the very best God has in store for you, though based on our decisions we may miss out on Plan A.
Chapter Two: Getting What You Really Want (Hint: It Isn’t Sex), reminded me of The Purge – my own struggle of discovering what I really wanted. The Wait is about removing yourself from that toxic cycle, running towards the things and people that continue to break you each time. Are you suffering from post-traumatic relationship disorder?
It’s about personal growth. Growing up. Improving yourself. Praying that God not only send you a spouse, but He work on you. Pray that God teach you how to be that spouse. Relationships, situationships all distracts us. Most of us. Most of us don’t do it God’s way (at first). We’ve gotten the person of our affection in our grasp and just stopped focusing on our priorities. In the past, its always been difficult to take care of priorities when there’s some guy I’m pining for.
“Waiting reduces drama, conflict, and expense….Then there’s the post-sex conflict, expectations, and crises (pg. 64)… who wouldn’t love to say good-bye to the walks of shame, morning-after scenes, waiting on the call that doesn’t come, and feelings of being used?…. Waiting gives your better knowledge of your partner. When you’re not blinded by lust or the counterfeit intimacy that can come with premarital sex, you can see the person you’re dating for who they are (pg. 65).”
Temptation…something that I really loved was, “Sometimes wisdom means knowing when you’re not strong, ****so that you don’t have to be strong**** (pg.88).” WoW! I had never thought of temptation in this way!
Funny (but pathetic) story I recently recalled to a friend. I remembered years ago, I was on my way to see a guy [the one from The Purge]. It was a summer night around 10pm or 11pm or ??? While driving there, I was telling myself I wasn’t going to hookup with him. I wasn’t going to stay long. I prayed to God, done let me hook up with him- don’t let me have sex with him. The outcome? I was in his bed sooner than I realized. Easily melted into our sin and I never resisted. What a dummy. What a fool. I went knowing I wasn’t strong that’s why I included God at the last minute. Grabbing God at the last second isn’t enough. I was being unwise.
Knowing your triggers is extremely important. Page 99 gives us some good examples: Late nights, emotional trauma, intimate contact, alcohol, sexting/snapchat, travel. There can be more and we all have our own combination of triggers. Just like any behavior that you’re trying to keep in check, over-eating, gambling, shopping, drugs etc. We all have triggers that if not examined can lead us to acting out our weaknesses. This is about being smart, not putting yourself up against temptation- believing that you can outwit your own flesh.
Chapters Five and Six divulge deeper into why women and men don’t wait. In short, women tend to have a fear of being alone, “Scratch the surface of a lot of unmarried young women and you’ll find a layer of fear just below the surface. Fear of being alone. Fear of not having children. Fear of being judged and found wanting. Fear of being less of a woman. Fear of being inadequate, insufficient, not good enough. Fear of not being all you were called to be by the time you think it should happen (pg.110).” I wont go further because I think this is an easy concept.
Why men don’t wait is something entirely different and worthy of deep exploration. Men tend to prescribe to “The List… unspoken inventory of must-haves that plays on a 24-7 loop (pg. 141).” The List is as follows: Wealth, Power, Position, A hot car, Great clothes, A huge crib, Big toys, A beautiful, sexy woman on your arm.
The List is a placebo.
“The man who recklessly gives himself over to his sex drive denies and distances himself from his divine nature. He courts chaos, drama, legal troubles, illegitimate children- everything this side of the plagues Moses warned Pharaoh about in Exodus. Worst of all, he becomes manipulative and callous, willing to do or say anything to get a woman into bed. He becomes addicted not just to the physical feeling of sex but also to the psychology of how sex makes him feel- and the game he must play to produce this feeling (pg. 147).”
God was telling me, “Don’t play with my daughters’ hearts.” – Devon Franklin
Are you ready to change? Are you ready to pause and heal your wounds? Are you ready to relinquish your sad imitation of power to the One that made you? It’s not easy. It took me one day a time to stop making the same mistakes. It took me opening up to a trusted group of young women in a small group and them praying audacious prayers over me. It took me getting on my knees crying out to the One that made me, and humbling myself to repent of insecurity. The reasons we do what we do all differ, but sin is at the core. Sin wheres a mask of insecurity and pride, even power and selfishness. Jesus took these sins to the cross. Stop taking them down and putting them again.
My life is not a telenovela and yours shouldn’t be either. I got tired of telling my friends stories of this guy and that guy. I also got tired of hearing their stories about this guy and that guy.
Did I tell you about X?
Did I tell you what happened?
Did I tell you what he text me?
Did I tell you what he did?
Did I tell you what he said?
Re-hashing whatever happened two weeks ago, bringing me up to date on what happened last week, and telling me what happened this week.
So he text me this.
I texted back that.
Then he said this.
So I said that.
Showing my friend text after text or just handing over my phone to let them read the entire thread themselves. Watching their face in anticipation.
Over analyzing every text, word, move from the flavor of the month guy.
So he text me at 8:52pm. So I saw it but didn’t reply until 9: 26pm. Then he said that. So I texted back and said that.
Over and over the same story lines, the same play by play rhetoric.
Still single.
After reading Don’t Let Your Journal Turn Into a Soap Opera Drama from Girl Defined, I decided to look through old journals and find good examples of my stories. Though I have numerous journals through the past 10 years, 2008 was filled with drama and endless details of it. In 2008, I was 22 years old and had quit my job at a restaurant. I had been on a “break” from school and just spent my time going to parties and bars. Hopefully some of that explains a percentage of the drama. Remember my post, 21 Before 21? Yeah, I didn’t know any of those things yet! The following entries centered around three fellas over a two month time frame. I blacked out names of all involved to protect their identities.
I had one thing right, “I’m crazy.” Shake your head because I’m shaking mine too. I actually blew up someone’s one phone at 3 am. I don’t remember that. I was “so mad cuz he didn’t try 2 come over” ???
I read these pages and more- shocked. I cannot believe I used to be that girl. I remember a lot of stories but apparently I don’t have enough storage space in my brain for al the other stories. I must be remembering the main headlines, the highlights, the bloopers. Pages and pages of who’s and when’s, the tiniest details of anything that happened. He didn’t call back. He didn’t respond to my text. He didn’t go to the party or that bar. Sad to say these stories did die down but just continued at a slower rate up until 2-3 years ago. Maybe you’ll think its lame but I can’t remember the last time I had a story to tell.
These years have been the most peaceful years. I’m not worried or stressed about some guy, what hes doing or not doing. I’ve got no time to become a detective or private investigator. Investigating, scouring the internet to “figure” him out. I can no longer analyze a picture posted on social media and decipher text messages. I can no longer decode a guy’s behavior to “figure out” how he feels about me. We’re definitely not called to be play special investigator even though we make great ones!
God wants our eyes on him. If we are playing detective on some guy, then our eyes are not on God. If you consider yourself a Christian girl or woman, you should not be obsessed [and don’t use your own judgement to discern if you are obsessed or not]. You’re just going to rationalize every move you make. Talk to a mature friend and ask her if you’re a bit obsessed, even just a little. God deserves our full attention and a full-time relationship. I don’t judge you, I struggle with this myself. But we have to stretch our understanding of relationship and love. It’s not just a Nicholas Sparks novel. Whether its God or a guy.
Here is 20 Important Bible Scriptures About Priorities-http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/20-important-bible-scriptures-about-priorities/
When it comes to relationships and love I have a new set of standards and guidelines, Proverbs 18:22 is verse that I firmly hold onto.
He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.
He who finds a wife…. I don’t need to be out searching my city for a man. I definitely need to be prepared to be found!
not She who figures out a man will get to marry him,
not She who finds a husband.
He who finds a wife… I need to be asking God to prepare me to be wife.
not he who finds some chick,
not he who finds some girl that figured him out, that solved his inner mysteries.
Instead of filling our journals with endless and mindless details of who’s and when’s, let us allow God inside those pages. God is thee author of all things. He created us and knows who and what we need in our lives. He is not the author of confusion! If we have to spend hours deciphering the hieroglyphics of texts messages, online messages and overall messages that are being communicated by a guy- most likely God is not involved in that situation. When you leave God out of your relationships, you also leave out his protection and provisions. When you act as if you can figure it all out with God and continue towards unstable relationships, you will not have the appropriate foundation that will be a long-lasting, fulfilling relationship. Sure you may have a relationship, but it won’t be from God’s design or have his co-sign and it will not be blessed. You’re out on your own, leaning on your own understanding. We are told to lean NOT on our own understanding in Proverbs 3:5.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
Trust in the Lord…
definition: one having power and authority over others. Welcome His authority over your life and know that you won’t have to strain and strive so hard for the right guy.
I have never been called a Slut. To my face, online, or anywhere for that matter. That I know of. I have not been raped or sexually assaulted. I tell you that to be honest. So you know where I am coming from and where I’m not. Today, many people protest and leach onto to causes they truly have no heart for. They get caught up in the divisiveness and loud noises. Like Brick Tamland here.
If we told people that in 2015 Obama was in the process to scrap July 4th as a national holiday to be more Muslim-friendly as part of international relations, groups and individuals of all interest groups would be taking sides of an octagon. The United BasketWeavers of America, The National Association of People Against Everything, along with the ForEverythingPeople would be taking to twitter, facebook, youtube, AOL Hotmail, Morse code, and anything else they could get their hands on to get their “message” out there. Sadly, the average American is not able to decipher between satire, truth, fake-truths, bias, and bait. We are the most privileged country in the world, we have First World Problem memes, and have knowledge at our fingertips. But we collectively have the maturity level of a 15 year old.
During my early twenties, I always killed the vibe of that one drinking game. A list was always drawn up on the spot, 2 through Ace, each card had something for you to do. King: guys drink, Queen: b****es drink or hoes drink, 4: I never…, 7: person to your left drinks, and so on. The tasks varied, but there was always the demeaning term for women used. If I drew that Queen, I wouldn’t take a drink, “I’m not a hoe, so I’m not doing it.” AHHH, COME’ON! OKAY, GIRLS DRINK THEN! I apparently I was taking it too serious. I hated drinking games anyway.
Some women use “Hey B****” or “hey slut” just as casual openers between friends. Hearing women use those words towards each other always appalled me. Those words were meant to hurt us, why use them towards each other for fun? Or the infamous, I can say it but you can’t philosophy.
So this “taking Slut back” movement confuses me. I just want to say, Honey, why are you calling yourself a slut? To show Men that you are Not a slut? To prove to those that judge you, that you are Not a slut?
Its like middle school or high school logic. Call a girl a slut and watch her try to prove that she isn’t one. No matter what she says after that makes her look like she’s lying. Its like calling someone crazy. BUT IM NOT CRAZY! Well, that’s what crazy people say. IM NOT AN ADDICT! Well, that’s what addicts say. IM NOT A CHILD MOLESTER! Well, that’s what a child molester would say. I DIDN’T KILL THAT PERSON! Well, that’s what someone that killed that person would say. Its never ending. Theres no way out. If someone accuses you of having sex with someone that you did not have sex with, you cannot prove that you never had sex with them. All you have is your word.
Words are powerful. To re-label yourself a slut in effort to prove that you aren’t one doesn’t make sense. To bathe in hurtful and vulgar words does not show self-actualization, enlightenment or wisdom. If you are not striving for either of those three terms, what are you shouting for then?
Now I remember I have been called names. Working with teenagers that are “locked up” in facilities, you will be called anything and everything. The worst of the worst, C**T. I’ve been yelled at, cussed at, threatened, and postured towards. I’ve had chairs thrown in my direction. Being the victim of physical and verbal aggression was nothing to be shocked by. Within the last week, I was called a “Mexican hoe” by teenage boys. Was it ridiculous? Yes. Was I irritated? Yes. Am I a Mexican hoe? No? I am Mexican so…it doesn’t matter. I continued on with the expectation that they did not follow, but I practiced emotional intelligence and judged them solely on their merits of being teenage boys. I did not break into anger, and political protest. I’m not raging against teenage boys or men.
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry… James 1:19
He who is slow to anger has great understanding, But he who is quick-tempered exalts folly. Proverbs 14:29
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret–it leads only to evil. For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land. Psalm 37:8-9
Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city. Proverbs 16:32
Verse after verse, the Bible reiterates this message about anger. In case you think the Bible is crap, here is some psychology:
“Anger can make us blind to the truth and unable to accept what’s sensible and correct. When anger is the primary emotion being felt, we become less able to think and act rationally and in some cases, even our senses do not work properly because of extreme anger.”
Some people live day to day with chronic stress, presumably anger. Some do their best to keep their anger at bay or manage it as an active volcano. I am certainly not one of those people. I get truly angry about once a year. I let things go and forgive even when I don’t always know it. I wasn’t supposed to talk to her, dammit. Oh well.
Anger is considered a secondary emotion. Secondary to HURT/PAIN. We mask our hurt feelings with anger. Anger pushes people away. Ive struggled the most with trying to help many teenagers with their issues all the while they are doing everything they can to push people away. Angry people make it hard for us to help them. They push us to the point where we consider walking away. And many people do walk away.
In effort to redefine a hurtful term, as one of twisted sense of empowerment, you have made the people you are shouting at turn away or look in amusement. See they are saying they are sluts, proving us right. Calling yourself a slut will not make others realize they shouldn’t call you a slut. Escalating yourselves will not teach others how they are wrong. It will not intimidate them into changing their ways. It will not shame them as you have been shamed. Your aggressive language towards yourself (and those you claim to be fighting for) does nothing to them. You cannot change others. You can only change yourself and I suggest taking the word Slut out of your vocabulary to start.
In reaction to a man touching (rape/assault) your body (your most sacred parts) without your consent, you expose your body (your most sacred parts) to even more men in public with pride. Circular reasoning.
Related Music: 
Confessions of a Recovering Feminist 